60,000-79,999 SparkPoints 73,522

How? (Updated Sun 7/1)

Friday, June 29, 2012

How is it possible to know so many people and yet be so utterly alone?

So, sometimes I have difficult moments. I've been working through these thoughts this weekend, as I celebrate my birthday and realize I haven't seen a lot of my long-time friends in at least a year, maybe more. I was focusing too heavily on what I DIDN'T have, in my socialization, and lamenting the fact that everyone thinks I'm some kind of "social butterfly" when I've spent the last month primarily alone, or pet-sitting someone's animals. This month that I've been living away from Heather has been difficult. I feel more fully "single" than ever before. And I'm grateful that I didn't have to experience that right after I divorced my husband. With that added time, or delay, or deferment, although the pain and struggles might not have lessened, maybe I can claim to be healthier and more ready to conquer them. Certainly having the new job, and being able to afford renting the room makes it a little easier.

I am working on being the independent, strong, centered person that I know I am. And if I let myself take care of my own self as much as I want to take care of others, then I'll learn how to do that, too.

In the meantime, if I miss seeing my old friends, then I think it's only logical to reach out to them and plan a visit. Everyone has their own stuff to deal with, and usually people can't read minds.

I am actively envisioning the future that I want, what I believe I need and what will bring me happiness. And then I'm taking steps to accomplish those things. It's the same for weight loss, socialization, moving, career advancement, home decorating, decluttering & organizing, or any big goal that needs to be broken down to get done!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hop scotching around and reading a little of this and that and came across your blog. Touched me because I've been struggling recently.

    re: How is it possible to know so many people and yet be so utterly alone?

    Can totally relate. Even here at Spark there are so many people and so much positive support it is almost a cacophony - but sometimes it can still feel a bit hollow.

    Just know that I think that your feeling is universal because ultimately, we are alone in our own nutty little heads. That is why I need to let mine out to play every once in a while....

    Have a great day and keep ...

    ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
    ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
    ((¸¸.•´ ..•´ Spreading the Spark!-:¦:-
    -:¦:- ((¸¸.•´*

    2112 days ago
  • SWAZY33
    Just catching up on some blogs and wanted to comment that I can completely relate to this. During this past year...while undergoing ca treatment...friends would call or text but I really didn't get together and go out with many. They wanted me to "rest and heal" and I def experienced the lonliness. But you are right...ppl are not mind readers and most of them had the best intentions for me but, I needed to reach out and say Hey, i'm rested and healed now...let's get togther!
    2151 days ago
    So many changes in your life is such a short time. Life sometimes pulls us away from long time friends and then we realize how much we miss them. I agree with your thoughts to reach out to them and plan a visit. Maybe they have been busy with their own lives and aware of the changes going on in your life and thought you were too busy.
    Sometimes a dramatic change in us like a significant weight loss changes relationships. People see us differently and see the relationship differently. I lost one friend because I would no longer be her eating buddy.
    You say you are becoming more focused on the future you want and need in order to be happy. You are taking steps to accomplish your goals to embrace those things. Sometimes some people have difficulty letting us change while others celebrate our accomplishments. I do hope many of your friends embrace the positive changes you are making. They will be the ones to stay with you for life.
    Wishing you well.
    2171 days ago
    Happy Belated Birthday Hun, I hope everything works out for you!
    2175 days ago
  • EILI359
    I'm glad you're working your way through this- I've been thinking of you. Happy belated birthday xx
    emoticon emoticon
    2176 days ago
    I'm so glad that you are working through these feelings and planning on how to reach out to some of your friends. You are right that people often have their own stuff going on and can't read minds. Sounds like you are on the right track.

    Thinking of you! Happy belated Birthday as well!!
    2176 days ago
    i find ur post so ironic. as i was doing my last walk of the day some of the same thoughts were going thru my mind.how is it that i know so many people and have no one around..except when they need something.
    i have fell into the mom routine. kids home animals....people in need.
    so like u i am looking at the future..when i can feel comfortable in my own skin and body.my children are almost grown.my baby graduates this next year. what am i gonna do? so my goal is to be down to the weight and be healthy by the time he graduates next year.
    so i have to focus on me for once. yes i get very lonely. but only i can change that. so im working on it.. hang in there we will get thru this together.. hugs to u emoticon
    2177 days ago
  • TX_JEN37
    There comes a time when we have to get ourselves right, and sadly we sometimes distance ourselves from friends..and lose them in that self-healing process..
    Wish you the best and hope things get better for you emoticon
    2177 days ago
  • LADYJ6942
    Sounds like your on a positive road to healing and getting stronger, hang in there. Time with friends sounds great!
    2178 days ago
    You are definitely cable of being that independent, strong lady that you want to be! And yes, you need to take care of yourself first!
    2178 days ago
    I'm glad you are envisioning your future :)
    2179 days ago
    I am sorry you are feeling alone Jocelyn and finally feeling what its like to be on your own after such a long time. Remember all the positives that come along with this independence. I hope that you will find new things about yourself and reach out to those around you. Miss you!
    2179 days ago
    You're thinking your way through all of this, and that's a good sign.
    2179 days ago
    Joce, I realized I missed your birthday! Ugh!!

    Hang in there! You are right, if you don't reach out to friends, then you can't blame anyone. And considering all the transitions you have just went through, I can bet some friends wanted to give you space & were waiting on you to call. To be honest, I haven't been keeping in touch with any friends, not even on spark, just been letting life get the best of me. And there are days and times I am doing nothing. It just happens sometimes.
    2179 days ago
    2179 days ago
    Funny you should say that...I have many friends, I have 7 siblings and I am married....and I often feel so alone! I wish I could answer your questions Sweetie! emoticon
    2180 days ago
    I feel that way sometimes too. I've been blessed with friends from each walk of my life, but being single and living alone really takes mental strength and work sometimes! Sorry you're feeling alone. I'm thinking of you!
    A new "done girl",
    2180 days ago
  • .DUSTY.
    I was surprised to read this about you! I know what you're talking about though.
    2180 days ago
    It's a paradox, isn't it?

    I care... for what it's worth...
    2181 days ago
    Wow! I know this one well and have been dealing with it most of the month of June...

    2181 days ago
    Know exactly how you feel, I am pretty sure! I hate it when this happens to me. Hang in there. This too shall pass. (Of course it reoccurs and we can only hope it is less and less)
    2181 days ago
    You are not alone as long as you have Spark friends who care.
    We all have times like this....you are not alone in that feeling.
    You are worthy, and you matter. We care!
    I hope you have a very Happy Birthday.
    2181 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/30/2012 9:43:23 AM
    emoticon emoticon
    2182 days ago
    I've felt that way too. It seems to hit me hardest when I start feeling lonely and begin cataloging all the people who don't make any effort to reach out to me to say hi, get together, and see how I'm doing. I think "they should know how much I need their contact--where are they?" And the older I get, the more I realize that fundamentally we're all pretty selfish beings who are focused on the immediate needs and pressures of life. That often means single people like us fall below the radar screen. I bet if you called someone and said you really need to get together or talk, they'd be right there for you. You're great, and I know your friends would be sad to know you're struggling.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2182 days ago
  • EILI359
    emoticon emoticon
    2182 days ago
    I wrote a blog about this very subject and I have to tell you that sometimes we feel this way because although people say that can relate to what you are going through, they cant feel what we are feeling. My only advice for you if this is what you are going through is to be done with these feelings and KNOW that your core of friends and family members will never let you be alone!

    We are all here for you!

    Ur the best!

    2182 days ago
    I love you.

    That is all.

    2182 days ago
    I feel that way all the time
    2182 days ago
  • DRKEYEZ820
    Because even though they know who u are, they dont know WHO YOU ARE lol. They dont know how we feel or what were going through. That saying were our own best supporters, is true because were the ONLY ones that KNOW what were going through on a daily basis , no matter the issue!
    Hang in there!
    2182 days ago
    I've definitely wondered that myself...sending you lots of emoticon
    2182 days ago
  • SYZYGY922
    I hate that feeling.

    The curse of the modern era!
    2182 days ago
    I too, feel this way from time to time... being online friends with lots of people can not take the place of a real life friend, at least for me...

    2182 days ago
    Aww, I hate that you feel that way, it's such an awful feeling. ((big hugs))
    2182 days ago
    For me it's because most of the people I know don't actually live in the frickin vicinity. *HUGS*
    2182 days ago
    When you figure it out, please share. Been wondering the same thing myself.
    2182 days ago

    (LOL, just kidding)

    We're here, Josaleehn (insider Starbucks joke), just not THERE, if you know what I mean.

    2182 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/29/2012 7:35:32 AM
    Coordination, perhaps. We know them, yet they're not here, or they're not here right now.
    2182 days ago
    Oh gosh... I know how you feel emoticon tough times. I wish I had some words of comfort - I'm trying to figure out stuff too. Loneliness is horrible...

    Sending lots of hugs of support... it isn't the same, but hope it helps a little.

    2182 days ago
    It's all in what lies within our hearts and minds...

    You *KNOW* how much we are all OH-so-WITH you, Joce...but sometimes life happens and that "knowing" can fade.

    BUT: It will return too. And your SparkFamily and others...? We'll be here for you just as we have been all along.

    Take gentle care of yourself.

    2182 days ago
    I feel that way too, from time to time... which is happening more and more these days. :-(
    2182 days ago
    A question that has started many a philosophical discussion in college. I don't recall we ever came up with an answer that made sense. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2182 days ago
    Sometimes technology is a blessing and a curse..you feel more connected with people through internet and facebook...sparkpeople...and so on but it still doesn't replace actual human interaction. Whether it's from the significant other in your life or parents or friends you still gotta get out there and get some fresh air every once in a while.

    My husband and I laugh about how I "hate people" since I pretty much only talk to the few people I know and even fewer online, But I don't hate people I just have a hard time dealing with other people in my day to day life.

    So enough about me..here's my only in-site. The only people who would be offend probably don't know you well enough to know why you would post it. So would you really need to worry about their feelings so much? I know that sounds harsh but I found the more I worry over others the less I do for myself.

    I have five kids, two sick parents, and my husband to deal with let alone the battle to reclaim my healthy body. I have "lost contact" with those people in my life that were not there to truly be supportive and left me with 8 people....as you see it doesn't leave many and four of those are still little...Sometimes I think my dogs listen better! LOL

    Point is superficial friends aren't worth all the worry. Being who you are is way more important than that. And your true family and friends will see your statement for what it is.....
    2182 days ago
    I was going to post this on my Facebook last night, but didn't so that I wouldn't offend anyone.
    2182 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by WOLFKITTY