Trying to break old habits

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Every day I look over a set of questions to try and direct my thinking to positive thinking and not be so hard on myself for no one beats me up like I do and there is no need for it. In the last month I have been trying to self-reflect on where I am in life and where I wanted to be and how to change the course that I am on to correct my path to where I want to be. Here are what I feel are three big things.

First I need to get back to me and do things for me. Way too often have I been taking on other people’s issues and making them my own and too often my stuff ends up in the dust and no one is around to help me clean my stuff up. So no more, me first and if I have time for others then I may try and help. Now don’t get me wrong I will still lean an ear to hear someone else problems. But I will just be the wall to bounce off of not a door to shove their issues into and pick up at a later date all cleaned up in a nice package for them. For example my friend was getting ready to rent out the other side of his duplex that he had been working on remodeling for the last year. He needed a lease and I printed a bunch of examples for him, which sat for three weeks and ended up being an “Oh my gosh I have to get this done because I have someone looking to sign a lease in a few days.” Then two different times we were supposed to get together and figure out how he wanted it worded, other “things” came up that caused us not to be able to get it done. So I placed my foot down, said it wasn’t my fault it wasn’t done I had done more than my part. You are now on your own figure it out yourself. So he had to spend the night before she was supposed to sign the lease going through, typing up, and printing it out for her to sign. No pity from me on how he was up all night working on it and how tired he was the next day. It felt good not taking that responsibility on my shoulders and knowing full well that I did everything in my power to help out, that it wasn’t my fault that there was a failure involved. Trust me in the past I would have been booking my butt over to him to help put it together and taking the stress on myself to get it done.

Second I need to go back to school. I am not going to be able to better myself if I don’t. Looking through different options of what I could go back for I have decided to go back and get a PHD in Sports Psychology. I know this is going to take quite a few years to complete but it’s something I want to do so there you have it. Yes a lot of people are asking why that and not finance. I’ve worked in some type of finance job for almost all my life. I’ve played that card out I feel as much as I can. I like solving problems, I like sports, and you know what with what I already know about finance and what I could combined with a Sports Psychology degree there will be so many different doors that will and can open for me.

Third I have a 14 year old son who is approaching 15 in the next few months. He will be in high school this year and I want him to understand that the next four years will be very important for his college years. We are scheduling campus visits to colleges he is currently interested in. I am hoping that with talking and visiting with advisors from these campus that he will have a mindset going into high school of this is what I want to do with my life and this is what I need to go to get there. When I told my son’s dad what I was planning on I got the whole why are you doing this now, we have 5 years to figure this out. Well there you have the difference of me and him. I am a type A personality and in the last few months I have embraced this and not really cared what others think. I like to have a plan and know where things are going. Now this doesn’t mean that there are times that I don’t just throw cause to the wind, but there is a time and place. But back to the campus visits. I told him we really don’t have 5 years to figure this out. I don’t want my son to be the one that is scrambling near the end of his Junior year / beginning of his Senior year to find himself. Yes I understand that by the time he gets to that point he may change his mind as to what he wants to do but at least he will have a head start as far as what college he may want to go to and how it’s going to get paid and so on.

So back to getting back to me and staying on a positive note and not beating myself up for no one else is doing it so stop being so hard on myself. Not going to dwell on what other people think, if it makes me happy so be it, if it’s going to get me to the point in life I wish to be then so be it. Don’t really care if it doesn’t fit in your plan that you think you have for me. I’ve taken the wheel back and if you don’t like where this bus is going then I suggest you get off, for I don’t have time to be derailed.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great attitude! Stay strong and stand your ground.

    As for you son...Kudos for you for helping him realize a good start in HS leads to a better start in college and the best start for him in life. BTW: don't forget that even if he does change his mind, as you mentioned in blog, he also now knows what college are NOT for him and may even remember the colleges that could be worth visiting again because they suit his new outlook. Way to go mom!

    2185 days ago
    I think this is great. You do need to take care of you first. You are the most important person. I am so glad you realized this.
    I will not bother you anymore with my weight loss issues.
    2186 days ago
    Good for you! Improving ourselves isn't always "outside" stuff as much as it is "inside" stuff. Good luck with your PhD
    2186 days ago
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