Seeking Success Stories: Pain, Depressed & Weight Loss

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I gained all my weight from a medication in 2008 when I had a complete melt down in all aspects of my life. This was also the peak of my medical issues starting a torrential path of destroying my body. I have more medical issues than I feel like naming, but suffice to say, it's well over a dozen major diagnoses. My main problems stem from two rare skeletal disorders which have me close to non-functional. I have to live with a roommate, because I can no longer care for myself. I'm in constant and severe pain and fatigue and this is from barely doing anything. My quality of life is TERRIBLE. Quality of life means everything and without it, my depression is quickly drowning me. My prognosis is terrible, we are working on my last possible treatment option - with no great results so far, and my skeleton is getting worse, fast. My roommate feels he's forced to take care of me & I have no family to help. I manage the depression, but every psych doctor wants to medicate me, which has never worked, because my depression comes from isolation, pain, and a hopeless future.

I've been on SPark for about 2 months (the second go round), circling the drain of motivation in all aspects of my life and trying not to let that glimmer of hope somewhere on the back burner go completely out. I have no motivation & am quite depressed.

I feel like everywhere I look I see people who are doing great on SPark (which is fantastic), but it's making me feel totally alone. I know other people have had to have been where I am or close to it anyways, but I can't find them. Anyone have success with losing weight & it actually improving your quality of life with pain and/or depression? I have no fight left in me and even the small steps are too much. I'm literally struggling with the basics, cooking, cleaning, bathing, grocery shopping, etc. Hell, today's my birthday and I just laid in bed until 10am crying because I hurt so much and there isn't any hope of this getting any better and a whole lot of probability it's going to get a lot worse.

I've never been one to give up, but sometimes you just run out of options and are beating a dead horse. I've been stubborn my whole life and that's let me overcome ridiculous obstacles, but I'm not superwoman and nothing I've done has worked in years.

Please don't tell me that it's just magically going to work out or be okay or god will find a way, because it's not - I've been trying and trying, everything and everyone with a possible option to help. I'd love to hear from people who have personally been here, or know someone who's been here. Actual facts of people improving their quality of life despite being in similar situations. I need more than just faith and hope to get me through this battle.
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    My ex husband has back problems and his second surgery resulted in partial paralysis of his left leg. He was a miserable person to be around. All he could focus on was what he couldn't do - walk, run, ride a bike. -He used to be a competitive bi-athlete and this was a realization that he would never be there again. We had two small children (3 years and 8 months) when I found he had been cheating. We divorced. It's 4 years later and he has happily remarried to the women he was cheating with. He cheated with her because she made him feel good about himself. I don't know what has happened to him because we don't have a good relationship. But several weeks ago during a coparenting session, he admitted that he had been a miserable negative person during our marriage. We didn't talk about why- because we both knew why. But he did tell me that he's not that person anymore. He is very happy now. I don't know how he did it. I wish I could tell you how he did it. But I do know that when we divorced there was nothing they could do for his health and he expected to end up in a wheelchair. Somehow they are making advancements and improving his health.

    I suffer from depression so I get the lack of desire to do anything. I am thinking about how much I want to go nap, despite the beautiful weather outside or the opportunity I have to do some work around my house. Two things I desperately wanted to do yesterday. I can do them today, but my desire isn't as strong. Because I also know I can just go nap. Some days I wake up and tell myself "I choose to be happy today." The most important way I find to battle my depression is to get up, get dressed and leave the house. Maybe it distracts me. Maybe looking nice makes me feel better. But I know that if I spend an entire day in bed or on the couch, at the end of the day, I feel like crap. I take meds. They don't take it all away, but they make it seem less impossible to get where you want to go.

    I enjoy sparkpeople, but I'm not an amazing success story. Like you I am still fighting to make the small steps. You can do this.
    3125 days ago
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