I have a gremlin

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Not this kind of gremlin

But this kind.

It lives in my head and seems quite comfortable there.

I've known about the gremlin (it didn't have a name yet) for years but it's been the last three weeks that I have begun to realize how badly it is messing with me. Today was the day it was given a name (the gremlin) by Lorna while we were talking on the phone.

I have been getting increasingly frustrated with myself. I have been fighting through C25K since I began my journey back in April. I am embarrassed to admit I am still on week 1 and have never completed three sessions in a week.

I will start out and do 4 iterations of running, but then that 4th one comes around and I cave. I feel like I can't do it. My legs hurt, I can't breathe, I'm tired, I'm too heavy to run. All the reasons why I can't do it come into my mind and then my body responds, my legs DO hurt, I do feel too heavy to run! And I stop. I finish by walking and then come home and am disappointed in myself for not finishing it.

I am afraid of succeeding in this. I'm ready to do it, I'm willing to fight for it but I'm still afraid of it. What happens at the end?! I'll be completely different! What if I don't know who I am anymore? I've been fat all of my adult life, I don't know how to be fit. I've never done this before! I'm trying to figure out how to handle this.

Lorna told me to love the gremlin. I'm going to try. She also told me to fake it until I make it lol!! So I guess I can start by coercing my gremlin into partnering with me instead of bowing to it's sabotage. It's going to be a long process but I'm going to start tonight by talking my gremlin into a longer workout on the elliptical than I have done so far.

Bear with me, I'm learning to love myself and now I have to learn to work with myself! I also need to again relearn to celebrate myself. Instead of being hard on myself for not doing something, I need to celebrate what I do get DONE!

photos from - http://gremlins.wikia.com
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    That Gremlin was sent by the evil one to discourage and defeat you. Don't allow that to happen. You have the Spirit of God within you and He is greater than any Gremlin or demon that can come against you. But you must take authority over it. Jesus has given you His authority over all the power of the enemy according to Luke 10:19. Walk in that authority. Tell the Gremlin to go back to hell where he belongs! Take authority over the negative thoughts that are coming against you and believe what God says about you. You are a winner, not a loser. He created you in His likeness and image and has placed you in Christ Jesus. You are safe in the shelter of the Lord. Don't allow the devil to tell you otherwise. He will continue to harass you as long as you will let him.

    2720 days ago
    You're a Mom and must know that sometimes, reasoning doesn't work. So forget about "talking the gremlin into" anything! Time to Tell the gremlin In No Uncertain Terms what you plan to do! And then Do It!

    Who will you be once you succeed in yoour efforts to get healthy? You'll be the Best Kristin Yet!! You, Better! The woman who can raise her boys to be as healthy as possible, to overcome obstacles standing in their way. The wife who can carry the load should her military husband be away for any reason. The woman who is honoring God by caring for the body He blessed her with!

    We're here to support and encourage you, friend!
    2720 days ago
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