Completely frustrated with myself...
Sunday, June 24, 2012
I started off so great. I surpassed my primary goal of getting below 300 pounds (a 32 1/2 pound loss) by the end of the school year. I started in January and hit my goal mid-march. I made it all the way to 52 pounds by May 25...graduation day. I felt so great putting on a dress I hadn't worn in 5 years. Today...almost a month later...I'm bouncing around at that same weight. I'm staring down the barrel at the lowest weight I've been in 7 years and I've hit a brick wall. Or so I thought.
I think I'm sabotaging myself. Not deliberately, but at least subconsciously. I find myself making more and more excuses to not work out. The last two weeks of school it was because it was the last two weeks of school. Pure chaos for me as it was my first time closing out the year with a new school district and I had to figure out how they do it as opposed to my other school districts. Then my sister was here visiting with her boyfriend. After that I was helping out with the redo of the kitchen and utility room floor. So many excuses. I realize that now. I could have found time. Looking back now, I know that.
But it's not just finding time to work out. I've been catching myself lately not logging all of my food, not measuring my portions. I came to this realization last night while standing in the kitchen...as I was scooping a bowl of ice cream I didn't even realize I was planning on getting. That's when I sat down today and really looked at what I've been doing lately. Just going through the motions, some of my food days (like yesterday) show an unrealistically low (there's NO way I only ate 315 calories yesterday) number of calories.
I was tooling right along until I saw some posts by other members who were second-guessing themselves now that they were losing weight. Their doubts and fears slowly became mine and if I follow the timeline...that's about the time my weight-loss ground to a screeching halt. I once again let the outside influences push me in the wrong direction. I have learned from this episode that while I need to be there for my fellow SP'ers, I can't let their issues become my own.
So enough woe is me. I have put all of this out here to have it out in the open. I am determined to get down to my target weight and encourage others to reach their goals. I am renewing my determination to eat healthy and log everything I eat. I will find time to do cardio at least 3 times per week.
Keep on sparking people!