Thursday, June 21, 2012
In the last few years, things have gotten nothing but HARDER. Moving so far away from friends and family, struggling to find a job I even kind of like and keeping it despite all kinds of cut backs, being rejected from jobs that I have a college degree qualifying me for, being laid off from a job that a half-brain-dead monkey could do (which hit a hard deep blow to my already deeply waivering self esteem and confidence), watching bills climb and climb and not having any way of taking control of them, watching people do their best to ruin a family and a family business, feeling completely lost and helpless in all kinds of aspects of my life, my relationship turning into somewhat of a joke, feeling unloved, and lonely, and on some days hated (for what reason I cannot seem to figure out), and failing every time I tried to change things, and on top of everything else in this ridiculously long sentence, not being able to be myself (and my other seeming to change into something completely different).....
I am just now, five years later starting to take some control of my life, and it is changing how I am mentally approching these other harmful hurtful things in my life. I am tired of the crap really. Really tired. Tired of being treated like I don't matter, or plainly ignored. I really do deserve better. And some really hurtful things may have to be said and done for everything to be set right. I just don't deserve to be ignored and made to feel like my feelings and thoughts just don't count.