First let me just say, I blew it this weekend. From Thursday to Tuesday I experienced three weddings
and a funeral.
Spent three nights in three different hotels and traveled about 11 hours in a car. I had good intentions but being stuck in cars and hotels with my immediate family going from one place to the next all the while being supportive of my husband while he was facilitating all three weddings (in two days) then in the middle of all of that finding out my cousin died of cancer and traveling to Bella Vista Arkansas with my parents and riding back with my brother and sister with no control over where we ate was difficult. Not to mention the emotions of the funeral. I gained 5 pounds in 6 days! My dire wish is that it is mostly fluid retention....(Please Lord) but I do have to admit I finally broke and ate a bag of bugels and a bag of carmel bugels (OH LORD they ARE GOOD!) a fourth bag of Doritos (the large bag) a sugary soda pop
(MMM GOOD), and my old stand by-Schlotzky's Roast Beef and cheese! I love their bread! (in fact the only bread in the world I TRULY love). Oh and I forgot the late night two slices of ham and pineapple pizza!
Oh dear Lord! Wait! Don't forget the wedding cake! One slice of very delicious and moist marble cake!
Now that I have confessed my sins I will now celebrate my victories okay? Regarding the soda pop. We stopped twice (no less) at a place called Pop's which is on Old Route 66. They sell 600 varieties of pop! Oh my goodness, it is sugar heaven! I allowed myself to search out and find six bottles of pop, purchased them and only drank one. The other five remain in my fridge. Very tempting but my plan is to have one or two drinks from each and split the rest of the bottle with my kids. They will be happy to oblige me. Regarding late night pineapple pizza. That pizza was the best pizza I have had in YEARS but I only ate two slices and though i was tempted to eat several more I refrained and did not eat the rest for breakfast like I wanted to...
Regarding wedding cake. I ate the cake but not the frosting. And the Schlotzky's sandwich? It came already divided in fourths so I ate one fourth of it with the bread and then ate the rest of the sandwich without the bread. Just ate the insides out. It was still mucho delicious! The eating beast inside me was roaring but with hands shaking I threw the rest of the bread out.
You know, it is weird, I actually bought a lot of snacks that I did not eat. Just the buying of the snacks indulged a guilty pleasure but I felt anxiety over it even when I did not eat what I bought. It actually felt like I had consumed it. I think the anxiety comes from the feeling of walking the precarious and thin line between control and loss of control. I could literally feel the pressure and insistence from my inner eating beast raging to be let loose from its leash.
(I think this is what my eating beast looks like)
Or perhaps this
Yet there was also another part of me that was calm and logical and kept fighting the battle to make good choices. Yes I fudged but it could have been even worse. I could have eaten the WHOLE bag of Doritos, The WHOLE pizza. ...
ALL the pop and the frosting too.
I could have consumed lickety split the whole sandwich bread and all with a bag of chips on the side! I know some of you out there are like, "WOW, she really DOES have a problem with food!" yet others out there are like, "I know EXACTLY what you mean!" So many of my splurge purchases were not because I wanted the food, craved the food or hungry, It was the old creature of habit. All those events and scenerios are triggers for mindless eating in me.
These are some of my triggers:
1. Riding in a car on a trip over an hour.
2. Riding in a car with my husband and children for any length of time.
3. Overnight Trip/Eating out at restaurants
4. Being with my husband when he is stressed or pressured from his work.
5. Being in a hotel room.
6. Emotional experiences like funerals.
8. Being with others who are indulging
9. Not being in control of my whereabouts (?) Riding in someone else's car on a trip.
10. Just simply being out of my normal routine.
this is not an exhaustive list, (sigh) but at least some of the triggers I experienced in the last five days. I am not trying to make excuses but writing them out helps me have better self awareness
so I can find solutions when I face these situations in the future. All in all it could have been so much worse so I will take the hit and recover! Back to the YMCA tonight for my half mile swim. YiPPEE! It was good and I was back on track.
Yeah girl, Get up and finish what you started!