I have started and restarted and restarted again on Spark a number of times, and the last time I did this, I updated my goal weight time frame. As you can see by the picture, I'm not where I should be by this time. In fact, I am back to where I started two years ago. When I weighed in last week, I was at a resounding 208.4lbs...I started to track my food, but it was quite lackadaisical, and it wasn't until the other day that I really buckled down and tracked everything that I put in my mouth. Too little too late...I stepped back on the scale today, for my weekly weigh in-209.2lbs. How disappointing, not the number so much as how I let get that bad. A year ago I was in ONEderland, and I vowed I would never leave it again, so why did I? Was I that weak, did I really lack that much willpower...the short answer is yes...but the truth is, I knew my eating habits were bad, and I knew I didn't like the way I looked, but if there was an excuse to be made, I had it. I was all over the "just one donut, that's all I need to kick this sweet tooth" (3 donuts later), and the "I didn't eat much today, so I can have a heaping second serving of that pasta for dinner", and then there was the ever popular "we need to get rid of the ice cream in the freezer, before we can try to lose weight"...and those were just the food excuses. I had a whole other set ready to go for not working out, and I still do.
Since this most recent restart of Spark is all about holding myself accountable, I am posting pictures of myself that I don't want anyone to ever see, including myself...ever again. I guarantee they won't be pretty, but they will be honest. The following picture is me, today, at 209.2lbs (and if you choose not to look, I won't be offended).
If you're still reading this, after seeing that, thanks for the support...it's what I need most right now. As I stated above, I'm still having issues with the workout excuses. I claim that I lack the motivation, but what it really boils down to is, I'm lazy. I have every opportunity to jump on the treadmill and walk while I watch tv, but instead, it just sits there, unoccupied while I veg out on the couch. When I go to the pool, I convince myself that I will do some laps before I get out, but then I end up laying on the raft and soaking up the sun. I am the definition of procrastination...I will always put off today what I can avoid tomorrow and push to next week. But...I'm getting better-I'm asking for help (which I hate to do), and I'm reaching out for support. Unlike most people, I thrive on negative support though, if I hear an insult about my size, it makes me want to work harder to never hear it again. To everyone out in Sparkland, feel free to say anything you like to get me off my ass, I'm still searching for my inner motivation, but until I find it, I'm looking for help. I finally held myself accountable to stop the excuses, and I'm finally ready to shed these pounds, and never look back again. Stay tuned for my updated progress.