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Evidence of Changes Made

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Sunday, June 17, 2012

So, wait...something weird is happening. This weekend, we had very old friends (from back before we even had kids) come visit us from Iowa. We were pretty excited to see them and spend time with them. Things were going very well the first night. But things took a strange turn yesterday. And, without going into too much detail, this visit did not end well. To be quite honest, it was sort of an emotional upheaval for me. A pretty awful time. Put it this way...when you think to yourself, "I wish they would just go home", you know some serious stuff has gone down.

They finally drove off and our entire household released their collective breath and peace returned. Of course, sadness remained. It's no exaggeration to say that I'm mourning the loss of an old and dear friendship this afternoon. I hate that this happened, but I've determined not to internalize it and take someone else's dysfunction and make it my own. I've done far too much of it in my life and I'm just done with it.

My good friend, MOM2IAN, has been my texting lifeline this weekend as all of this has gone down. At one point, I said to her, "I don't feel like I should have to apologize but I'm sure I will because that's what nice little Leah always does." She responded, "No...that nice little Leah was 25 pounds ago. New Leah doesn't take any sh&t and she doesn't give false apologies just to please other people and make them feel more comfortable!" (Or something along those lines...probably not those EXACT words...haha).

You know what else New Leah did today that surprises me? New Leah DID cave in and have an ice cream cone...for the sole purpose of comfort. But, it was a small, normal-sized cone that was within the daily calorie limits. New Leah has an insatiable desire to unwind by cleaning the kitchen and then making a delicious, well-rounded, healthy meal for her family, using fresh herbs from the garden.

Who ARE you, New Leah? The Old Leah would sulk, pout, cry, and probably lay around in bed all day. The Old Leah would take the entire weekend onto herself and blame herself for things she didn't do and hold onto that horrible, icky, angry, bitter feeling for years. The New Leah is already letting it slide off of her...because she knows she did nothing wrong. And bitterness will kill the soul and, eventually, the body. New Leah is blogging out her frustrations and then letting them drop.

You know what else? New Leah has really hot legs. She just noticed that this morning after her shower. Perhaps 20 lbs of the 25 lbs lost must have come from her calves alone. LOL.

New Leah realizes that she has SO MANY WONDERFUL and AMAZING friends...and she feels sorry for a person that pushes away one of their only friends in the world instead of asking for help.

New Leah loves herself. And she's determined to make this a great week...and she's praying her dear Spark Lovelies have a great one as well!
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