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I’ve seen XL from both sides

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Losing 80 pounds meant at one point, XL, was a triumph. XL was not shopping in the “plus sizes.” XL was a milestone, I cherished and celebrated.

Then I learned how small I had to be to reach a healthy BMI. Medium. Smaller than I was in high school, OMG, I can’t believe I look like this, reached my goal, damn look at me in this dress, medium! My body went from a size 22 to a size 8-10.

Unfortunately my head went to crazy with a side trip to fantasy land. I stopped acting on what I knew to be true: exercising and eating consciously would maintain my weight at a healthy BMI. I thought all the work was easier than expected so I didn’t need to worry about weight gain (crazy). I thought I could lose any gain in a week or two (fantasy). I thought since I wasn’t my heaviest, I was okay (the view from Egypt is great from this river). I thought my excuses counted.

So now I’m a size 14, an XL once again. And this side is not celebratory. This side is embarrassing, humbling and just plain yucky. Mostly embarrassing. It shows on my thighs that I acted against my own self interest.

When I’m struggling on the treadmill, I try to understand what led me to this side of XL. Mostly I try to remember and believe I am once again passing through XL on my way back to a healthy BMI.

This is my record of how I lost weight and got healthy, yet again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PEACHTEACH50
    What happened to you happens to 98%of people who lose weight. We are aiming to be that 2% that maintain.

    What is important is that you are back, and you stopped a t a XL.

    Pat yourself on the back!
    2670 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    Actually, I thought a size 16 was XL. Still, I feel ya.
    2671 days ago
  • GIRANIMAL
    First of all, I too am so glad to see you back! I'm sorry it's not under better circumstances, but then, I too am starting to believe that some gain is almost inevitable. Most of us are rewiring our brains! It's no easy task.

    LM (HIPPICHICK1) said it all -- in this day and age, maintaining health and, with it, a healthy weight, requires constant vigilance. I am just coming out the other side of my own anger, bitterness and resentment about this conclusion. That said, your life went through a major upheaval! It's no wonder you stumbled. Something has to give amid all-around chaos, and it's almost always taking adequate care of ourselves.

    What's important is that you're back in the game with a valuable and very personal lesson under your belt. Now come on, let's re-lose this old baggage together, my friend!

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    2681 days ago
  • HEALTHIERGIRL67
    I think for most people.. there has to be loss and then gain.. maybe even more than once before we learn what we need to learn. Its only truly sad when we give up..never trying again. I know we will not do that emoticon
    2683 days ago
  • SLENDERELLA61
    Each time I've lost weight I've learned something that helped me get to the point that I can now maintain. As long as you don't give up, you will succeed. You have learned a great deal. Now you can do this!! -Marsha
    2684 days ago
  • KALANTHA
    Welcome home! I, like you, am a prodigal daughter returning home. Only you regained control of your senses much quicker than I!

    I'm here to take this ride with you and to have fun doing it.

    We both can do this together!

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    2684 days ago
  • MI-ELLKAYBEE
    May God bless your success on this journey we all share. emoticon
    2685 days ago
  • HIPPICHICK1
    Not one of us is immune to weight gain. IMO it requires almost constant vigilance because the industrial revolution and technology have ruined us forever.

    We no longer grow or raise our own food, we drive somewhere and buy it. We don't haul water from a lake or river, we turn on a tap and out it comes. We don't travel on foot much any more, we don't play outside and cooking real food is for some, more of a bother than a pleasure.

    Don't be so hard on yourself though. We are programmed to do what is easiest. We are programmed to eat fatty foods because the truth is we are all cavemen/people with ancient DNA that tells us it's feast or famine, but we live on a continent where for most it's a constant feast. So get on with it and get healthy again and remember that if you don't want to go back to the way it was, you can never stop practicing being healthy.
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    2685 days ago
  • JANEDOE12345
    Deb, this could be my story in many ways. Funny how I knew I gotta be self-confident, and I managed to tourn that into cocky. Me and hubris, old buddies. I am about to kick start my own plan and reading how you are doing is helpful to me.

    Keep the blog up - I need yourview from both sides.

    Pam

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    2685 days ago
  • MEADSBAY
    I'm so glad to see you back and wish you all the best on this next chapter of your life. Hope things are going well for you and Sue and your new lives are working out.
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    2685 days ago
  • SHEG28
    My largest size was a 5X shirt and 28/30 pants....im now a 14/16 in pants and a size large in a shirt... I NEVER want to go back... one reason for being on sparkpeople.com -- all the ideas and encouragement is awesome.

    Never give up!! emoticon
    2685 days ago
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