5/28/12 - 6/10/12
My Weight Loss Journey
2 months gone and with it they took 14 pounds. That is 7 pounds a month. At this rate I will reach my goal in 2.75 years. As I sit and look at this number, I realize that I’ve been waaaay to hard on myself. 7 pounds a month is not a bad start! In fact, this sounds healthy to me…imagine where I will be 6 months from now! Another 42 pounds gone! My main fear is to lose too much weight to fast to where I have excess skin hanging off of me. But I think that if I lose the weight slowly, and just do what I KNOW is right, then I will be fine.
Right now, I’m motivated to lose weight but there are days that I feel so behind that I can’t keep up with everything that I want to do. So, this week I’ve decided to try work really hard to catch up on everyone. There is so much going on in my life that I’ve having to set daily goals on everything that I want to get accomplished. I feel that I will be able to get it done if I can work really hard and not be lazy. I tend to revert back to lazy me when I get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, nothing gets done, including my tracking, exercising and eating right.
There is another issue that I need to talk about. A few people know about what is going on, but I feel the need to write about it. Having this blog gives me an outlet to some of my feelings and allows me to put my thoughts down so that I can read them. I find this both therapeutic and calming. So anyway, my home life isn’t the best. To begin with, I met my husband when I was 19 years old and he was 39 years old. I am now going on 29; 10 years later I’m realizing that I’ve made a major mistake. Let’s get one thing straight…I’m not a quitter. I have worked so hard for the past ten years to make my husband comfortable, to be a good wife, and to show him the love that any human being deserves. It would have been one thing if everything that I gave was returned to me. But it wasn’t. I don’t feel financially, emotionally, spiritually or physically comfortable with my husband. This is supposed to be the man that I am going to live with for the rest of my life! Don’t get me wrong, I love him to death, but not with the passion that a wife and husband should have.
Last week, I went to go talk to my pastor about this issue. He has been counseling me for the better part of the year, and it was after our first session that I came to Christ. There was a lot said but it just now recently that we have both come to the realization that I’m taking care of my husband more than he is taking care of me. My husband depends on me for many things and my needs are left to be moved to the side for whenever I have time to take care of them. Because of this, my marriage has become a very unhappy place. But there is one more thing that has bothered me. I married a non Christian. Of course I was not a follower at the time; I fell away from God after I met my husband. The most important thing in a marriage now for me is to have a spiritual husband. A man of God. My husband is far from that and I fear that his heart is not going to change.
With all of this said, the separation word has now entered our conversations. I want more than anything for my husband to understand my needs and know what needs to be changed in order for both of us to be happy. But every time I bring the conversation up, all he does is come up with excuses. “I can’t live on my own because I don’t make enough money. I don’t make enough money because I don’t own a car to get a better job. I don’t own a car because I don’t make enough money to buy a car.” I’m just so frustrated with him now, that I’ve started to look forward to just taking care of myself. I’m no longer feeling as though this separation will only last a few months to a year. I feel like my husband will feel like I will come running back to him in a few months after this without him having to change. But, I’ve started to change…I’ve grown up. I know that God has better things in store for me, including a Godly husband, whether it is my current husband or a man that God has in store for me in the future.
I wanted to write all of this down because in a few years, I want to look back and read it. I want to be able to see how far that I’ve come…and I really do feel like I’ve grown so much in the past few months that my life is going to change drastically for the better. I can’t wait!