Still fighting the Big C

Monday, June 11, 2012

Where to begin, or where to end :)

Last entry was on Easter and I was heading to NY city, can you belief it!

The NY trip was fantastic, I just can't describe it in one word, the things I did with my dear friends was amazing and I sure can make a check mark on my bucket list but my friends where so good to me and they just said yes to everything I wanted to to :)

The top of the trip was when we rented bikes and cycled around Central Park and I was not the last one!!!! How cool is that! The girl with the cancer was on the top of the world, the wind in my hair and I was smiling the whole time!

Trump Tower, Rockefeller center, Statue Of Liberty, Cheesecake Factory and much more! YES AND! I went to a NBC tour and GUESS WHAT! I saw the cast from 30 ROCK!!! They were practicing for the live show AND I SAW IT!!!

This trip was fantastic and I did sure forgot the cancer for a while :)

Until last Saturday it has been no news about the Big C, I just go to the hospital once a months, get some medicine and blood is taken but I tried to stop taking pain medicine few days ago and *pew* it endet at the hospital :/

I was not able to stop the pain that I got and when the doctors did some exams they saw that the cancer has gotten bigger. I guess I am not getting rid of it!

But until now I have not let the cancer stop me of living and two weeks ago I cycled 101 km in one day :) It was cycle to work month and I did not want to finish last in my team so I had to get 101 km the last day or be last. My husband showed me a lot of suport and went with me 75 km and wow I was glad when I finished!!!! WHOWHO!!!

I am gathering my thoughts now, but I will talk to my cancer doctor on wednesday. I hope he will explane what this all means but I must admit that I think about death a lot. There is something in my heart that tells me that this is not going to end like everyone thinks and hopes, but I am focused on enjoying every day that I have and do a things that I want.

Like I wanted to do some gardening so I have rented a garden near my house and I am making me own greens. I LOVE IT! My husband is helping me but he carries the water but the summer in Iceland has been really sunny and fantastic so the plants need water.

Here you can see some pictures.

Also my daughter asked me few months ago if she could go as a AFS exchange student for one year in a foreign country and I said NO! When I got the cancer again I started thinking about how life is short and you should grab every moment you can to live I said yes to her, and she is going to Austria for a 10 months. I am so glad and excited for her, this will be a trip that she will never forget and if something happens to me, she will just fly home.

I just try to grab the moment and try to look at everything as an opportunity.

I have gained weight, not much but some. I am struggling not saying NO to food! I hate it and it makes me feel so bad. I can't run and I hate it, but I can cycle. I can't lift weights but I can walk but there is something missing in my goal setting and I say to my self. Tomorrow you will wach your diet, but when I wake up and someone calles me and ask me to go to lunch I say yes and few minutes later I am over eating!

I hate it! I wish I could keep it together and not eating all this food and all this unhealthy stuff. I just can't for some reason stay focused.

Any idea ?

I need a goal, I need encouragement, I need something.

Wow I am complaining hehehe...

I want to thank everyone who gives me goodies and have written to me and I am sorry that I haven't given me time to write back. Like I have told you before I often think of my friends at SP and I miss the time I was active here and doing good. Perhaps the reason I am not writing here as much is that I am a shame of myself for not have been strong in exercise and diet.

I hope the time will come and I will get it together again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What an inspiration you are. I'm perfectly healthy and haven't taken as much time as I should to exercise. You are certainly getting the job done and enjoying some fun things along the way. emoticon
    3196 days ago
    Have you tried cutting sown on sugar and refined carbs?

    There is evidence to prove it will help not only with the cravings, but help curb the cancer growth. According to some research I read about isn " Beyond Sugar Shock" , Cancer feeds on sugar. Perhaps google it if you want to know more!

    I have been struggling with food for years and it is only since I made this particular change that there is no more guilt and no more battling with food and feeling bad afterwards! All the best to you!
    3196 days ago
    Glad to see a new post from you - I just got back from my annual round of tests (monitoring)... For some reason I was so stressed out this year; I consistently overate these past couple of months until I regained virtually every last pound of what I had lost through so much concentrated effort! Ah well, I will try to write up my own blog report soon.

    Best wishes,

    3242 days ago
    NEVER feel ashamed to come here to SP. I have my moments with weakness and bad food, everybody does if they are honest.

    I MISS YOU and I am so glad to get updated on how you are doing. I think of you ALL the time.

    You should have more news from the Doc today huh? I hope you heard some encouraging words.

    You are one strong young woman and I admire you so much.

    Love You and praying for you my friend,


    3253 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12178928
    You are such an inspiration! We all struggle sticking to our plans, That is what makes sp so special. We are all in this together! You are a wonderful person. My prayers are with you! God Bless!
    3253 days ago
    Maybe spend some time with us again!

    We love to hear your story of you day to day happenings.

    So sorry to hear that your cancer is not getting smaller!

    I think you are right in taking each day as it comes and doing what you can! Love the sound of the veggie garden!

    Please let us know your news from Wednesday. We all love and care for you and it is so great to hear from you again!


    Loved all the photos from New York! We walked around Central Park and did not manage to see it all! Didn't realize how big it is!

    3256 days ago
    It's always good to read your blogs and see your pictures. I miss you and your sunny smile!


    I think you can tackle any goal you set your mind to, and would encourage you to simply do whatever strikes your fancy.

    3256 days ago
    you are such an inspiration! doing so well and staying so bright in the face of such scary things. amazing!
    3256 days ago
  • SHEILA1505
    S - hello there!
    You have such courage - I'm glad you let your daughter go to Oz - as you say, it's only a flight away!
    I don't think you have to say No to invitations - but can you think of clean healthy food choices as part of your battle against the C? Everything you have been doing is fantastic in your fight and to create positive memories for your children - can this be just one more thing??

    Love the NY story - my DD2 has just been there for a week in heaven :) including much shopping and Top of the Rock, etc.

    Where next, S??
    Big hugs and lots of love xxxxx
    3256 days ago
    Life is was happens when you are making plans for other things. you should NOT feel shame for enjoying your life. and if some good food jumps on your fork, enjoy it! and enjoy the time with your family and friends.

    none of us know the date or the time that we will pass, Praise God for that, because if we did, we would spend our time doing the wrong things. worrying about the wrong things. you are doing nothing that the rest of us wouldnt be doing if we were in your shoes. you are having fun and enjoying what life has to offer. we were not promised tomorrow, so have that cake today!

    no, i am not saying to stop and let all that hard work go to waste. because we dont know what tomorrow holds and you do want to be as healthy as possible, right? You are in my thoughts and prayers. as are your family and the medical staff who cares for you.
    3256 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5915724
    You continue to be an inspiration and a wonderful role model with the way you are dealing with the cancer and your life. All the best to you and your family!
    3256 days ago
  • SWAZY33
    So glad you had a wonderful time in NYC! The pictures were great!
    I'm sorry that the most recent treatment isn't shrinking the cancer...I hope the doc can come up with a new plan of attack!
    So proud of you for that long bike ride!! are amazing!
    Continued prayers and hugs,
    3256 days ago
    Nothing to be ashamed of whatsoever . . . you are focusing on all the stuff that really matters. Saying yes to as much as you can, for yourself and for your family. For however much time you have (and we all hope it is a long time) you are truly living.

    Thanks for taking the time to blog and reminding all of us what matters.
    3256 days ago
  • JLITT62
    You have NO reason to be ashamed. You're amazing! I am always so inspired by you & you are often in my prayers.

    My mom is 84 (also a breast cancer survivor). On a recent visit, she said she feels at her age what's the pint of eating healthy. I told her so she can live well!

    Oh, I had a very nasty virus that kept me sick for about 3 weeks but I'm fine now. I just wish I lived closer to NYC so we could've met! We're about 3 hrs north.
    3256 days ago
    Stop beating yourself up about diet and exercise. I think you are doing amazing things for someone who is fighting cancer. I'm sure it's difficult not to think about death sometimes especially since this is your second battle with the disease in as many years. I'm glad that you are making the most of every moment. (Your trip looks like it was lots of fun.) If a positive attitude has anything to do with beating cancer I believe you are the person who can kick it to the curb. I'm going to start running again. I hope I'll be able to make the 2013 Reykjavik Marathon and this time I'll run 10K with the cancer survivor instead of walking at the back of the pack.

    PS - Is that garden behind your apartment building on the way to the botanical garden?
    3256 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/11/2012 5:54:37 PM
    Take life one day at a time. Don't worry about "getting it together again." Just do the next right thing today. Let tomorrow worry about itself.

    You have such a burden to bear. I can understand why you want to spend time with friends and family. I continue to hold you in prayer for complete remission and healing of your cancer. Peace be with you.
    3256 days ago
    PLease never be ashamed of yourself- you have so much to be proud of! You are very courageous and are life-loving and life-giving!
    PS- A long time ago (1973) I was an AFS student to NZ- it was a wonderful experience
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3256 days ago
    If my choice is living my life and doing all the things I have always wanted to do or spending time on Sparkpeople, Spark takes a back seat.

    Don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy food, family, friends, gardening. Do what you can physically.

    Life is too short to beat yourself up.

    3256 days ago
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