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Please help!! My friend has lost all hope!

Friday, June 08, 2012

I come here today with a favor to ask. I knew I could come here and get some answers. You see, I had a friend reach out to me today on Facebook and I really want to give her the best advice possible. I don't want to screw this one up b/c A.) I care about the girl. B) This is the 2nd time she reached out. It's been over a year, maybe two, since she reached out the last time. I didn't hear back from her so I fear I didn't say the right thing. Can you help?

How would you respond to this message.....

"Hello my dear. As u know, and have known since high school, I have a serious, deadly weight problem. I'm 420 lbs. I see no hope for my future, I see no future in my future. I don't know how to fix me. The amount of weight I need to lose is so enormous, I just can't fathom it. I can't afford slim 4 life, I just can't afford hardly any weight loss program. I'm at a complete loss. I find that people who aren't as big as me have no clue what I go through.I'm tired of hearing, "when u've had enough u will do what u need to do.... Or, ur just gonna let urself die? Or, don't u wanna live??!" Idk what to do, I've had lapband, I failed at it. I didn't do what I was suppose too. I never have anyone to talk to about this.. I'm sorry for laying it on u, something just told me too talk to u?? Sorry."

Any advice for my friend?

I really want to give her hope again and tell her it's all going to be okay! Spark People is where I found the inspiration to turn my life around so I knew this was the best place to come. I told her about SP the first time but she felt overwhelmed by the site. Thank you all so much in advance!!!!
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    Well, I'm rather behind in my sparking, so just now catching up. by now you have probably given her an answer of some kind. My thought would be to see if you can coach her into viewing it as baby steps instead of looking at the whole picture. I know that's what I had to do when 157 pounds to lose looked overwhelming. Maybe the SP site wouldn't look so overwhelming if you could connect her with some people who have come from or are dealing with morbid obesity. Maybe just giving her some links to these pages, or setting up some communication with them would help her, or even just get her started reading some of their blogs from the beginning so she can see where they came from. Best wishes.

    Here are a few I think of.



    2160 days ago
    I agree with everyone else! SP is the way to go! If she just starts out with 10 minutes a day of any exercise, it might motivate her to do more:)
    2171 days ago
    I love all the advice that others have posted. I am praying she will choose to turn her life around.

    2173 days ago
    Sounds like she finds reasons for NOT doing things! Try to get her intrested in the chair exercise team. They have a page on fb so she doesn't have to be overwhelmed by sparkpeople.

    In the end, sadly, it IS up to her! No one can do it for her. It sounds like she would like a quick fix! No such thing.

    Sorry if I am not being too sypmpathetic, but maybe she needs to hear the truth!
    2174 days ago
    This site has turned all of our lives into better things overall! We all know this but need to share this with your friend because it only takes 1 step at a time and a bit of encouraging can go so very far in the journey which shall turn her life around for the better. Hold her hand and show her a few of our pages with pictures it may motivate her. Feel free to use my page!
    2175 days ago
  • BOVEY63
    I agree about encouraging her to come on SP. Has she checked with the local social services department? They may have programs to help those who can't afford them on their own.

    I will pray for her.
    2175 days ago
  • TEMPEST272002
    I agree with what everyone has said about SP - because it's changed my life, ya know! lol But in addition to that, I wanted to send my own message to your friend:

    I used to be 140lbs overweight & felt imprisoned by my body. I've lost 100lbs so far. My advice to you is to start by focusing on the positives, not the negatives. Most of us attempt to lose weight by restricting our food (both what we eat and how much). Then when we eat something off plan, we feel like failures and decide it just isn't possible.

    Instead I want you to set yourself up for success by focusing on building healthy habits. Don't think about how long it's going to lose weight. It just doesn't matter how long it takes. Build a healthy lifestyle and weight loss will follow. For the first month, do NOT worry about restricting your food. If you don't make your goal each day - don't fuss over it. Just keep trying.

    Week 1 Your goal is to have breakfast every day and drink 8 glasses of water (can be herbal tea or flavoured water).
    Week 2: Continue with the water/breakfast and add another goal: 2-3 servings of fruit and 4-6 servings of veggies every day.
    Week 3: Continue with previous goals and add 2-3 servings of foods the fight depression (google it!) to your daily menu. Examples are salmon, walnuts, ground flaxseed
    Week 4: Keep going with your previous goals and make it your goal to swap out regular pasta for pasta make with egg white yolk noodles, white breads for multigrain, white rice for brown.

    At the end of month one, you may or may not have lost weight - but you will notice that you feel better. Less achy and more positive. Month 2, keep building healthy habits: do 10 minutes daily of chair exercises, meditate 5 minutes per day, read 1 article daily on nutirition, swap out high-fat protiens for lean ones, read about the glycemic index and swap high GI foods for low GI foods.

    In month 3, you'll be ready to take things to another level. Just like before, stick to only one or two changes per week. This is also a good time to start looking at some of the underlying reason that you overeat.

    It really is possible to change your life - but it is you who must make the changes. Change is not comfortable, but it is worth it. Believe and make it happen one little baby step at a time. You can do it!!
    2175 days ago
    Same sentiment as the others. SP all the way! I tried on my own but it wasnt until I started tracking that I started to see results. I had a friend that signed up for another similar site, because she said SP was just too overwhelming. But then she saw me clicking around and said, oh, it isnt as bad as I thought :) I know it took me two months after I signed up to come back and do anything. Snowballed after that :) Best of luck to her and you are awesome for following up with her :)
    2175 days ago
    This community really made me lose the weight. Yeah, it was me working out and eating but without SP motivating me on my days off with a comment from a friend, a inspiration story, or a great blog ...I probably would have failed a long time ago. A small part of the reason I keep going is so I can do a "I DID IT!" blog to hopefully motivate someone the way I was motivated. I was overwhelmed by SP, I joined in January but didn't start using (or losing) until May. Get her started by sending her some links to before and afters, there are people like her, who have lost all the weight, 100lbs, 50lbs, 25lbs and feel amazing! Just help her every step of the way, get her number and maybe call/text her to keep up with her? We're all here to help her and her goals! Maybe even show her all these comments, let her know there are already people who care for her and know she can succeed, because we all are doing it and want everyone to do it, to!
    2175 days ago
    Ok everyone already said it. SP can be overwhelming, but to join only one team and concentrate on that, find a friend or two on that team. The small goals are the only way, because yes she has a way to go. I hope by reaching out that she really has her mind set on this, thats the biggest challenge.Maybe since she reached out that means she really is ready. I wish her the best of luck. You are a sweetheart for helping Leslie.
    2175 days ago
    I agree with everyone else. SP is the right place for her and IndyGirl is a perfect mentor for her. If/When she joins SP let us know so we can friend her and offer her support.
    2175 days ago
    You have gotten good advice from others. I hope she can find her way. emoticon
    2175 days ago
    I agree that she should hook up with people like INDYGIRL and NOTABOUTHEFACE.

    I would also suggest that she not look at the whole daunting process right away but at only one thing that she can do today. (10 minutes of physical activity?)

    The journey IS the goal.
    2175 days ago
    I think as everyone has encouraged you...get her signed up for SPARK. Even if you have to sit with her for the first week to get her plugged in. This site can very well save her life. There are AMAZING examples of sparkies who have lots literally TONS of weight. Beyond that...I'd reach out to Dr. Oz on his show and see if he can push any inspiration her way..or better yet help her on her path. If she weighs this much it's beyond just the weight...it's got to be depression as well. When we get seriously depressed we can turn that depression into self sabotage she could probably benefit from a group support function also but that's going to cost her money which she says she doesn't have. The beauty of spark is that it's free for the asking. I'd tell her is she really wants to have support and make lasting friendships this is the place to do it.

    I value SPARK even more than some of my fleshy friends...it's an amazing place of community and I'll do everything in my power to help support your dear friend.

    Get her on Spark...you'll be saving her life...I just KNOW it..and I'm kinda psychic about stuff like that ...if I do say so me~self... emoticon
    2175 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/9/2012 7:35:16 AM
  • KATHRYN1955
    Encourage her to join Sparkpeople and link up with ~INDYGIRL (Beth). She started when she was 460 pounds, with a familiar story and is now down to 254 lbs. She is a regular contributor to the blogs in the Daily Spark and an inspiration to all of us. Also, perhaps there is some no-cost counselling that would be available to her as well. The journey of 10,000 miles starts with a single step.
    Prayers to your friend.
    2175 days ago
    omgosh i feel for her so much!! how heartbreaking that she feels that way. i know SP can be a bit overwhelming at first, especially with all of the info, and links, and gadgets and things, especially if a person isn't very computer savvy. encourage her. if anything, buy her the spark, or lend her yours if you have it. let her ease into it. then she can log onto the site and learn how to track her food. visit her if you can, help her get on the website and show her around. show her different pages and friends that can relate to her. we can all relate to her. regardless of how much she has to lose. we have all had that feeling of hopelessness. i hope that she listens to join us here. i only wish her the absolute best and i hope to see her around here on SP, we will definitely welcome her with open arms. emoticon
    2175 days ago
    Talk her into joing spark people, then this group. We will give all the encouragment she needs. Where does she live? If she is near one of us, we can befriend her and help her on her mission.
    2175 days ago
    Encourage her to join Sparkpeople. She can be blessed. Living with Sparkfriends who will encourage her with out cost can be one step in the right direction. You are giving love by reading her challenge and wanting to be helpful. Seeing how Sparkpeople has helped you and recognizing that it can be a benefit to her is starting right. Do not get discouraged yourself whatever she decides to do you are a good person and she must live her life daily.
    2175 days ago
    I agree that she should be lead by the hand to join this site and began by reading the success stories, joining teams for people with her weight, and allow us to connect with her so we can encourage and her and help to keep her motivated. One thing to ask her is to ask her if she believes she can lose one pound, just one measly pound, regardless of how long it takes? That should be her goal, one pound at a time. Small successes reinforce our motivation and develops an "I can do this!" attitude. Thank you for caring about her and for allowing us to join in the effort to make her successful and happy with herself once again. -- Lou
    2176 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/13/2012 1:34:04 PM
    Share Spark People with her and help her get the help and
    encouragement she needs. You will find the right words to
    say. HUGS!
    2176 days ago
    This is just heart breaking. I have tears for your friend. What can be done, so so much. I think support is number one. Telling someone they can do it, I mean really believing they can do it makes a world of difference. Stand behind her, encourage & tell her she can & will do it. I think Sparkpeople.com & the spark book would be a great start.
    2176 days ago
    Let us know when she joins and she will have extra people rallying around her. A miracle or a quick fix won't give her long lasting results. Losing weight is discipline and hard work. She needs to simply start on a journey to better herself. There are so many at SP who have lost a lot of weight. Give her encouragement that she is not alone at all. We're all in the same boat (of varying sizes) but we'are heading the same place. Set short term goals - not ALL the weight at one time - 10 or 20 pounds at a time.
    2176 days ago
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