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I am so DONE!

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Thursday, June 07, 2012

So yesterday I had to go to the doctor to get some more blood work done-thyroid, diabetes, liver function. Well- not really doctor, but Nurse Practitioner.

I usually dread going to doctor's offices for many reasons.

1. I have no insurance so it always wipes me out financially

2. I don't want people to tell me everything they think I am doing wrong

3. I never feel like I am being heard

4. I don't feel like I am treated like a human

5. All around I just don't like it-- doctors make me nervous and anxious.

Well.. I love my Nurse Practitioner -- she is so sweet and she treats me like a human being.

My first visit with her in January she walked in the room and she said I KNOW YOU. I said yes you were a nurse in an office I went to while pregnant 11 years ago. She said I KNEW IT I COULD NEVER FORGET YOU! After that I knew she was going to help me.. so here it is now months later and this is how my visit went yesterday...

So I arrived at the office and a nurse weighed me in and took blood pressure, etc. When my NP walked in she did this little dance and yelled. 16 POUNDS-- YOU LOST 16 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!
She was beaming with pride. She just kept smiling and telling me how proud she was of me. She got off of her little rolling doctor stool and came and sat right next to me and sat there and talked to me for like 20 minutes. We talked about the vitamins and medicines she has me on. We talked about improving my sleep. She asked me about my emotions. She genuinely cared about how I was feeling. She talked to me about how not only is my body changing with my thyroid levels getting better.. but she also talked about how it is going to be changing my mind, as well. She talked about how I am probably starting to experience new emotions that I haven't felt in years. AND SHE WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT! She even said I may even lose relationships and more because I will become a new person that people have never known before. She told me to contact her immediately if I needed to express any concerns about not only my physical health but mental struggles. She also told me I HAVE to start exercising in the morning if I want to sleep at night.. AGGHHHHH lol. I knew that was coming. lol


I told her about how years before I went to see a doctor that was in the very building she was in and told him I wanted my thyroid checked. That doctor just told me I was depressed and put me on Paxil. She gasped and held my hand telling me how sorry she was about that. She said --" I bet the Paxil made you gain weight didn't it?" I said YES IT DID!

I told her it had been years since I trusted anyone in the medical field and how I hunted her whereabouts down so that she could help me. I told her about how 11 years ago I remembered she was a nurse at my Obstetrician's office when I was pregnant and how I remembered how gentle and kind she was always with me. I told her that I looked all over the internet to find where she was at now and made an appointment to see her. She and I started crying!!! She went and got us some tissues and she said that I made her day!

She kept going on and on about how proud of me she was and that we were going to get my thyroid and diabetes under control together.

When I was leaving she came and hugged me!

I left her office and got in my car and cried the whole way home because I felt so validated. I felt like it had been years since anyone gave a crap. I was so happy -- I was so relieved. Now I am crying again just thinking about it! It was such an emotional day for me!

So, after my NP visit and blood work I babysat my great niece and great nephew for a while. I was so tired and still trying to process all of the emotions I was feeling from the day. I had fun playing with them - 3 yrs old and 11 months old. But I was so emotionally and physically tired. When they left I went and ate a half cup of ice cream.. I was so upset about doing that,even though I was still in my calories, that I made me a couple of fat free bean refried bean nachos. UGHHHH..
I had this amazing visit with my NP then I go and end my day like an idiot!

Instead of going completely off the wagon with calories I decided to get on Spark and get back on track. I read many great blogs but there were 2 that really helped me.

SHRINKINGLULU wrote a great blog about eating a bag of cookies and climbing back into victory ..
and BOREDIMSO wrote a fantabulous blog about her A-HA moment with emotional eating that she had. I had a crazy flashback A-HA moment myself when I read her blog. If you go and read her blog you can read about my crazy flashback moment.

So with all of the support from my wonderful Spark Friends I feel really good right now that I will succeed. I am facing fears .. I am making myself vulnerable-which is really hard for me.

I AM DONE feeling like no one cares about me
I AM DONE feeling like I am not sure if I can do this
I AM DONE not allowing myself to be vulnerable and reach out for help and support
I AM DONE giving up
I AM DONE being the FAT GIRL
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    great you got somebody to listen to YOU
    2140 days ago
    awesome, very inspirational!
    2146 days ago
    You are an inspiration!
    2155 days ago
    You go girl!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2156 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/25/2012 12:36:49 PM
  • DEBK0923
    great blog
    2158 days ago
  • TINA4791
    SO glad that you were able to find someone to treat you like a human being! I too have those very same fears when seeing a doctor. I unfortunately have yet to find a good doctor and in fact I just quit seeing a doctor because he felt more like a salesman instead of a doctor because he kept trying to "sell" me weight loss surgery!You are doing so great and should be very proud of EVERY accomplishment! You amaze me at your fitness minutes! Keep it going!!!! emoticon
    2162 days ago
    The experiences you shared about your NP sound just like my own experiences with my INternal Medicine doc! Thank God there are still health practitioners out there who genuinely care and have a vested interest in their patients! We are the lucky ones to have found ours, it's unfortunate that your prior experiences with healthcare providers are all too common - THEY should be the exception, not the rule. Great job with recognizing your slip and getting right back on track! Keep up the fantastic work!
    2167 days ago
    Sounds like you are truly blessed to have found (re-found!) a knowledgable and caring health care partner. Wow! With her support and your determination, you can make miracles happen!
    2167 days ago
  • MOM2FAB4
    You are amazingly inspirational! Way to go, Done Girl!!! emoticon
    2167 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    Glad to see your blog featured in the spark mail. What an honor.
    2168 days ago
    Good medical care and attention is so hard to find.. You are blessed to have found someone who really cares.

    2169 days ago
    Don't feel bad for eating a little treat, you can still do that and lose weight. You are a beautiful woman and need to feel secure in yourself. Doing the right things and a little of the wrong things can help us stay on track, but don't beat yourself up about it! emoticon
    2169 days ago
    Good for you, its tough to find a NP or MD that you make a connection with that will listen and talk to you rather than at you. emoticon
    2169 days ago
    2169 days ago
    Now that's a real Nurse! I wish there were more Nurse practitioners like that around. Unfortunately Doctor's often don't seem to care - I, being a Nurse for many years, have worked with many of them and only few impressed me with their personal touch. My dentist and my Pulmologist being 2 of them.

    You have lost 16 pounds! Congrats!
    2169 days ago
    So happy you're reunited with your NP!
    2169 days ago
    Yay for you and for continuing to make good choices.
    2170 days ago
    you are just so awesome.......and i know how you feel about the dr. visits, i feel exactly the same wrote it as if you were using my it girl,and do not look back,and do not let anyone intimidate you in your goals to a better life for you,and be what you want to be ,not what others think you should be.
    YOU ARE AWESOME.john emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2170 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/11/2012 12:41:53 AM
  • CATDUG19
    Good for you for demanding better health care. You deserve it and I am so glad you posted this blog
    2170 days ago
    Congratulations! It's really a good feeling to have a Dr. who listens. Keep on trucking, and remember, one evening of not-so-great eating doesn't hurt us - it's doing it EVERY day that does!:).;

    2170 days ago
    Wow. What an incredible journey. Kudos to your NP and please ask her, on behalf of all your Spark friends, to clone herself asap.
    Goes to show what a difference a single person can make, doesn't it!
    I know you will succeed and not only that, I know you will pay-it-forward by being that special person for someone else!
    emoticon emoticon
    2170 days ago
    i wish i had that kind of conection with my doctors
    2170 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2170 days ago
    2171 days ago
    Oh man....

    First of all, congratulations on finding a health care practitioner that actually cares about you. That is really a HUGE blessing! It is always a relief to me to read when people have had the great good fortune to find a doctor or NP who actually practices the Hippocratic Oath, as opposed to just work in the medical field to support their golf or sports car habit.

    Second of all, after reading about your experience with Paxil, and also the comments of other Sparkers, I am SO GLAD I ignored my NP's advice when I decided not to fill the prescription she gave me a year or so ago. She didn't even listen to my concerns or ask any questions; she just handed me a prescription, and when I asked if it would make me gain weight, she said "no". I had a bad feeling about the whole thing, and so didn't fill the prescription, and when she called to follow up later that week, I told her I wasn't going to do it. I haven't been back to since.

    Congratulations to you and I wish you the best in your journey! Yay, you!!!! emoticon
    2171 days ago
    When I reached the point where the doc put you on PAXIL, my mind immediately said, "Oh NO!" I felt that pain because I gained 100#s while on it. As I continued reading I was cheering and praising where you are today and that you are blessed with at least one phenomenal healthcare practitioner. That is the key to long-term health. Wishing you an abundance of blessings and great health for years to come!!
    2171 days ago
    Thanks for sharing your incredibly moving Ah-Ha moment with us .... it's great to see your resolve. You sound like you're on the path again. All the best.
    2171 days ago
    Your attitude is wonderful. I believe you ARE going to do it because you are determined and you have somone wonderful to support you on this journey. Spark on!
    2171 days ago
    Does she know any doctors or NP's in Ohio who practice with the same level of concern for the person being treated? I need one of those too.
    2171 days ago
    Finding that medical professional that listens to you and spends the time with you will make all the difference in your life. She will be a great assistant in your journey to a healthier life. Make sure to let her know if the emotions get more than you can handle. There are ways she can help you and will help you continue. This will be one of the most important things that you have done for yourself during your lifetime, and you will be rewarded.
    2171 days ago
    Good for you Honey! I am right there with ya!

    emoticon Wendy
    2171 days ago
    2171 days ago

    I am so happy you found a medical person you connect to who really cares. That is so great.
    2171 days ago
    Sometimes just being done with everything that is not getting you a head makes you feel amazing. I am done with all the same things and now we can actually start to live life.
    2171 days ago
    You are so lucky to have found such a great NP! And congrats on all your successes!
    2171 days ago
    Way to go, Done Girl!
    2171 days ago
  • SHOES17
    The greatest Blog ..ever!! You rock!! I so admire your dedication! emoticon
    2171 days ago
  • TRIPLEL1977
    It is awesome to be REALLY understood. Congrats!
    2171 days ago
    It is so great to hear there are gems like that NP in the medical field. How wonderful that you were able to find her again & reconnect! Thanks for sharing your journey and all the very best in the journey ahead!
    2171 days ago
    i love your blog!!! sounds like you are on the right track, you are very inspirational!!

    2171 days ago
  • ANNE007
    Love this! What a great story! I am so glad you're done!

    You're moving in the right direction, can not fail!

    2172 days ago
  • ILOVEJIM851991
    you go girl and a little ice cream can be good for the soul. Just keep in mind it's all in moderation. emoticon
    2172 days ago
    Good for you! I am so happy that you're DONE! Keep it up--you inspired me!
    2172 days ago
    FInding a doctor or doctor(s) in my case is defnitely the key to feeling supported. Just feeling like someone is supporting me and cheering me on has helped me through my medical issues, medication issues, weight gain and subsequent 40-lb weight loss. I've reached my original goal of 115 but I think I want to go for 110. Thank you for sharing such an inspirational blog and for believing in YOURSELF! emoticon
    2172 days ago
    I have felt the same way going to visit doctors. Yes, I know that I am overweight and I need to do something about it. I think sometimes physicians go about motivating people the wrong way. We are all aware of the risks of being overweight, quit using scare tactics. Let's be supportive and practical, and try to figure out what to do about it. It is so awesome that you have a medical professional that is so kind and supportive. Congrats on the 16lb loss! emoticon
    2172 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/9/2012 3:50:56 PM
    Wonderful story! I'm glad you have a supportive medical person in your life finally. You are an inspiration.
    2172 days ago
    Wow, emoticon blog.. emoticon on your weight loss too
    2172 days ago
    emoticon This is great!! I am happy for you that you have been able to find someone...because that REALLY makes a difference to feel like someone actually gives a crap! :-/ I'm happy you found someone for you!!! :-) Keep it up - and I think you did the exact right thing by coming on here and not ditching your whole day for just a little bit of ice cream! :-) Keep it up!!!!
    2172 days ago
    Love this blog! Thank you for posting your experience and I'm glad you've found someone in the medical field that can help you and wants to help you.
    Keep up the awesome work
    2172 days ago
  • GUCCI9300
    emoticon awesome!!!
    2172 days ago
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