Remember Optimistic or Stupid??? Why does this continue to haunt me?
Monday, June 04, 2012
I had some great news last week. I was getting cautiously optimistic again. I was getting scared that I might not be able to handle it even though it seemed like it should be a breeze for me. Yes it was a job. I had a tentative offer. I got a phone call and an email. I got another email telling me they filled the position with someone else just one day later after they offered me the job. I was in the process of apartment hunting and thought we could afford a larger payment now. I soon found out that we can't get into an apartment because of our bankrupcy and forclosure. We can't even get into a government tax credit apartment. Most of the houses in our area are out of our price range, but they go very quickly. Where are we going to go. Many places won't lease to us even with a co-signer. WTF?? Where are we going to go? What are we going to do? Why was I cautiously optimistic? Did I really think things were getting better? I should have known better. I was not being optimistic, I was being stupid again. This is why I have my exercise and diet. I enjoy having one area of my life that I have control over. I keep repeating the same things over and over again.
The definition of insanity: Repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different result. I just don't know what to do differently. I really don't even know what to do. I am more and more frightened to think positive thoughts. I get crushed almost every time. I need to vent because I only have one friend that I haven't seen in a few days and I don't have anyone else I can talk about this with.
Update, I called and acted like I never received the email and asked about the physical and drug screen. I am set up for Wed. WHAT???? Am I being tortured for? Am I supposed to be optimistic now? Forget that. My brain tells my heart to get bent we know better than to be optimistic. My romantic heart is ready to dream (and be crushed). I want to be excited, I want this to work out. I don't know. I promised myself no getting excited. I will keep my sparkers updated.