I Can Do Today

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

A teacher once was talking with me in private about my severe depression. I was falling apart at the seams. This was about three or four years ago. She told me to tell myself, "I can do today." It really helped me get through some tough days.
Today, I got up and cooked food, rather than relying on fast food or something microwavable. Doing so definitely saved me tons of calories!
I've also started the "Insanity" workouts. After doing the 'fit test', I was so sore for days. I could barely go DOWN the stairs, let alone up. I had muscles sore in places I had never had problems before (like above my inner ankle, between the calf and the ankle). It wasn't that "Yeah, I worked hard!" type of sore muscle. It was like "omg wtf is wrong!?" sore muscle. It was more than sore. It was painful. I did put myself out of commission for longer than neccessary and today I told myself it HAD to happen. I got up and did "day 1" of the Insanity workout plan. I paused the video several times, and even just sat down to catch my breath while the video played on. Out of the 40 minute video, 30 of those minutes were high impact cardio. I managed about 15 total. I was so disappointed because I felt like I should be able to keep up with the people in the video, whether they are athletes or not. We all have the same muscles under our skin, right? So many times I wanted to stop the video and so a less intense exercise, but I told myself that dispite not being perfect and only being able to do like 50% of what the video asked of me, I was pleased with myself because I know that even it was only 15 minutes, I pushed myself. I was pouring with sweat and there were times I wanted to collapse but gave it just even a few more seconds. With each jumping jack, I felt like the wind was literally getting knocked out of me. I dont mean that super hard to breathe thing, which I had the rest of the time, because you're out of shape. I mean it actually felt like I was getting punched in the lungs, but I kept going as long as I could with the jumping jack sessions in the video.
I wanted to do the "Hip Hop Abs" afterward. It looks like so much fun and in the past, I've had better luck doing some dancing type of video workout than anything else (because I commit to it more and enjoy it more). However, it just wasn't happening. I decided I'd try again later in the evening, but I already felt those muscles getting sore, so I decided 'Hip Hop Abs' would just be something to look forward to, but for now, I needed to make 'Insanity' my priority workout.
I was exhausted afterwards. I was getting hungry but just couldn't stand in the kitchen. I needed to chill out on the couch for a bit, or else I'd end up getting some quick meal that would prob be bad. After I cooled down, I tried a new recipe. It didn't turn out all that great, but it was edible and high in protein. It just needs a little tweaking next time. I munched a little too much on my cheddar rice cake snacks, but still managed to stay within the recommended amount of carbs, fat, and protein! And I managed to even stay slightly under of my calorie minimum. I've NEVER been within my carb limit before! And not only was I within the limit, I was in the middle of the range... not at the maximum. THAT prob made my day more than anything else.
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    I know about SEVERE depression. I read insanity and my eyes lit up. You did great. When I first tried Insanity...I crapped out about 6-8 minutes in. I stopped and came back in like they said to do, but I couldn't take it. I kept watching the video and I discovered that I was doing the warm-up. Fail. Was I embarrassed. I got somewhat in shape before trying Insanity again. I finished the workout and felt the soreness you are speaking of. Just keep doing it and you will get better. I won't get easier if you keep pushing yourself, but you will feel a real sense of accomplishment after you do it. You can contact me if you ever feel depressed. I can only open up over the internet because I trust no one.
    3311 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12292864
    Good for you!! I struggle with my weight and with depression at times and the mantra "I can do today" is a great one! I appreciate the great blog, and keep up the good work. Remember no matter how slow you go, your still beating everybody sitting on their butts!

    More power to ya!
    3311 days ago
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