BARB5970

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Not My Proudest Moment...

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I haven't written a blog in quite awhile but something happened the other day that I feel is blog worthy. You see, I found myself alone sitting on the couch with a spoon and a half gallon of ice cream. For some reason, unknown to me, I made the choice to have ice cream instead of a proper meal. As I sat stuffing ice cream in my mouth I suddenly realized my 16 year old son was coming down stairs. I immediately bolted for the kitchen to hide the evidence of what I was doing. Afterall I can't let my son see me eating ice cream as my meal. I would never allow him to do that and what kind of example was I being. Then it hit me, I'm a grown adult running to hide from my chid. I thought, THIS IS NOT NORMAL and felt so ashamed.

Okay now its time to admit it, I'm a closet eater. This is not my proudest moment.. . but admitting I have a problem is the first step in healing. So here I am admitting to myself and every Spark Member who reads this blog... "I Am A Closet Eater". Who am I kidding anyway. Someone once told me "what you eat in private, shows in public." I can't be in denial any longer. I didn't get to be 230 lbs. by eating egg whites, salads and grilled chicken.

This is actually very freeing. I will no longer eat in hiding. Hiding means I'm doing something wrong. If it can't be eating in front of others, then I shouldn't be eating it. No more Hostess Cupcakes in the car, or woofing down a Snickers bar before I get home from work. I only end up feeling guilty and ashamed. That's no way to live.

My son doesn't know he almost caught me doing something I feel so shameful about. It's not important whether he knows or not but the value of what I learned from that moment is truly priceless. It's another step forward in my journey to be healthier in mind and body.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo SHARON-MARIE
    {{{Barbara!!!}}}

    Good for you; what you told us took courage!

    Be blessed,
    Sharon-Marie
    2237 days ago
  • TALENKARR1
    I am so proud of you sweet pea. I love what you wrote. "If youcan't eat it in front of other people, than Ishouldn't be eating it. simple but very profound.
    2243 days ago
  • DONTGOAWAYMAD
    I know the feeling. I used to plan it... I would wait until nobody was home, then bake a cake, hurriedly wash the dishes it created, and light a similarly scented candle so I had an excuse for the aroma. I would cut the cake in half, wrap it, and bury it deep in the freezer, and wrap the other half, then hide it--IN MY SOCK DRAWER!!! It usually only took me a day or two to eat that half, and of course, I ate extra at meals, paranoid that if I didn't, my room mates would find out about the cake.

    I actually cried when I took a hard look at it, I was so embarrassed. I was so humiliated and ashamed that I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror that whole day.

    It gets better!
    emoticon
    2243 days ago
  • SCHNEBL
    Big step.....one I need to take and am not sure I can....perhaps with people like you talking about how hard it is and how important it is.....maybe I can do it too. Thank you for your words.
    2243 days ago
  • IRONBLOSSOM
    Ugh, I did the SAME thing yesterday. Not with ice cream, that's not my kryptonite, but with cheesy bread. I don't normally eat in hiding, but you're right, things eaten in hiding always show in public and it's no way to live. We can both kick the habit!!
    2243 days ago
  • THE_COUNTESS
    Wow. Thank you for sharing. I needed to read this. emoticon
    2243 days ago
  • ASHAIXIM
    I have felt this way toooo many and soooo many times. I would NEVER let my neice eat the crap I do so why do I let myself do it? I will be addressing this after my surgery coming up!! I am planning a redo once I'm back up and at it.
    2243 days ago
  • ROUNDTOWNMOM
    You have taken the first huge step on the path to healing...........you've admitted that you have a problem. This is huge and I'm very proud of you . You are in the right place to get the support and encouragement you need to overcome!

    emoticon
    2244 days ago
  • LJCANNON
    emoticon Congratulations on recognizing the Problem and putting a Plan in action to Solve it and Heal Yourself!!
    emoticon Remember that you are NOT in this Battle alone!! We are all here for you, and we have been through the same things.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2244 days ago
  • ROSGETSSERIOUS
    Wow - what a huge lesson you have learned - this is a wonderful blog - it has taken me a long time to learn about 'mindful eating' - actually sitting down to eat at the table and chewing slowly appreciating the flavours. I love that saying about 'what you eat in private shows in public. '
    emoticon
    2244 days ago
  • KELTIC-CARA
    There is a saying 'A problem well stated is half solved', you are on your way, congratulations.
    2244 days ago
  • DMANN104
    It's all a matter of baby steps. Now that you have figured out your eating habits, you can now work on changing them for the better. It will take work, but it will be worth it! You can do it! emoticon
    2244 days ago
  • WORLDSERIES11
    Congratulations on being honest with yourself and realizing things need to change!! You are on your way to a healthier, happier you!!! We are all here to support in whatever way you need. emoticon
    2244 days ago
  • CHICKYBEE
    Boy, what a huge step for you! You will find that that is probably the most important step in your weight loss journey... the day you are finally honest with yourself. It took me years to realize just how much in denial I was about my eating and dieting habits. I thought I was having a sweet treat just a couple of times a day, but when I began to really log everything that was going in my mouth, boy did I have to wake up.

    So now, it is time to move forward, and you are in the right place for that. We are so proud of you! Do the journaling throughout this Sweet Tooth Challenge, and you will learn a lot more about yourself that will help you make this journey to its successful end.
    2244 days ago
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