The wagon needs siderails!

Monday, May 21, 2012

I am fed up of the way I continually try to do my best and fail. This time I want to get back on the wagon but I'm not going to rush myself into this, I know it's okay to sometimes have bad days. I have depression and I'm really struggling with my motivation at the moment so I’m not going to berate myself and give up if I can’t bring myself to do something. I know doing 1 small thing each day will add up – whether it be having a healthy snack instead of chocolate (e.g. today I had a snack pack of grapes instead of chocolate/crisps) or whether it be going on a nice long walk. Exercise doesn’t need to be something I’m scared of – the smallest things will count, such as getting off the bus a stop earlier or going for a slow stroll on my lunch hour. I’ve done this before and I know I can do it.

I’m 5ft 7 and I’ve always dreamed of weighing 10 stone, I know now that I may not reach that goal – I’m over 13 stone now and I’ve realised that it’s not the weight that matters, I can weigh whatever but it’s the clothes size that will show me as I truly am. My dream is to be a size 12 (UK), I’m now pushing the top end of a 16. Dropping two dress sizes is not a big deal.

I’m giving myself a realistic goal of Christmas. I would love to go out for my work Christmas party and be in a size 12 dress that fits! Last year I wore a size 14 and it was very tight on me. I don’t want to have to wear control pants under my dresses anymore for big occasions.

I’m not going to set myself a goal weight on here, because I know that when I don’t lose weight as I’d hoped I feel disheartened and this is when I’m likely to cheat. I don’t know my exact weight at the moment and I don’t want to, I know I’m at the heaviest I’ve ever been but I also know that this is my own fault. I made myself this size and only I can change my size.

I will not let myself be taken off track by other people. I always succumb to peer pressure and I’m fed up of it. I don’t like drinking very much so I think I’m going to try and cut down on it for the rest of the year. I know I can have a good time without it and it’s calories I don’t need, plus I always want to get takeaway when I’m drunk.

I need to plan more – I need to plan food in advance, for a whole month if possible, I can then do my shopping and make sure that I have everything in so I have no excuse to cheat! My boyfriend likes the idea of spontaneity and being able to go out for food at the last minute, but he’s just going to have to accept that this is more important to me. We’re going out for food tonight but I know I can choose healthy options - there's a sweet potato salad that looks quite nice and different to what I usually have.

So there we go, this is the plan. Let's see how it goes.
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