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Mini-ugh and shopping fun

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Sunday, May 20, 2012

So, the mini-ugh first.

Without getting into all the details, BFE (bestest friend ever) and his recent love-of-his-life are having troubles. Problem is ... if they're fighting and not talking, he turns to me both because he's bored and wants someone to talk to (oh, I feel special now) and because he wants someone to complain and rant to and get commiseration from (whoops ... I don't pick sides).

Which means what little conversation we had this evening ended with him logging off.

What little conversation we had before this latest fight of theirs involved his plans for an outing in which I am supposed to go to a bar with them, all of us drink, all of us get drunk, and call that having fun.

Sadly, this even predates her, but it is becoming more noticeable. We're really close friends in some ways, but far too often he just blithely ignores things I consider part of me. It has to be the worst thing for one of my inner demons - the sense that I keep up so many masks that I never let anyone close enough to really see me.

When you look at me
What do you see?
Do you see me
Or do you only see what I want you to see?

I wrote that many many years ago, long before I'd met him. But it's a recurring theme in my life that even with the people who know me best, they still don't really REALLY know me that thoroughly.


We'll get through it. We've certainly been through a lot already. For now it's just an annoying "UGH" in my life.


Shopping fun? What? Who am I? Okay, okay. So not exactly fun in that sense, but I did get a nice compliment.

Picked up a couple more casual shirts, a couple more workout shirts and pants, and bras.

Ah, back to Lane Bryant to buy more bras. emoticon

As expected, my cup size ain't goin' nowhere, but my band size is down another 3 inches. Yeesh. (VERY annoying too. Only some of their styles go this low in band size. And stores that carry the smaller band size almost never carry the cup size. So fairly soon I am likely to be forced to head online in a hunt for good fits.)

So, you know how quite a few stores offer a discount if you apply for (or are accepted for) one of their store cards? I have not had one approve me in years because I had a delinquent student loan from the late 80s in garnishment and my employer was way late on payments. The garnishment stopped in September 2011, my final payment went to them in March 2012. I figured I'd still get turned down.


Approved. For just barely enough to cover my purchases that day after the discounts. Amazing. Of course, I immediately paid the balance on the card while there, too. It's not like I actually planned for or expected to be approved. But it is a very good thing. Why? To rebuild my credit requires having credit. It may be a minor store card, but that's more than having nothing but the student loan show for the next seven years.

So, in talking to the cashier after the approval, I said something to the effect of how I wished their shirts and pants appealed to me more. She just boggled at me and said she didn't even think they had anything small enough for me to wear. I laughed and told her I'd been in 26/28 back in September, and what I had on were 16s from Torrid, but thank you!


So, two parts fun out of that shopping trip.

It was also a reminder that I am wearing XL from normal stores for my workout clothes and the shirts. (Though I do have to be picky about shirts. An XL with buttons down the front will NOT work, nor will an XL in a fabric with no stretch or give in the chest. Oy.) I'm comfortably in 16s from Torrid. One more size down is 14s ... and that actually means back to normal stores for everything but bras. *BOGGLES*


I was going to make it part of this blog, but deciding to write about it tomorrow. Working those workouts. I've been thinking about my mindset about workouts and want to write out what I do, compare back to pre-gym and when I first started at the gym. So tomorrow sometime I'll do that.

In the meantime, I will mention this. Memorial Day (US) is coming up. My gym has flyers up that they'll only be open 8am to 2pm that day. I happen to think I'll be working normal business hours.

Does that derail me? Not at all.

I immediately thought about my options. I could put in a request to take the day off, whether paid or unpaid. Nah, that's being silly. It's sunny later into the evening and my foot has been fine with 5ks on the treadmill. I can go walk the creek trail after work. Then I thought about my roller blades tucked away in a drawer and the fact I still haven't gone ice-skating and the skates are sitting in my room. I have PLENTY of options.

I never once thought of it as a day I wouldn't be able to do a workout. I simply redirected my thoughts and energy toward finding alternative solutions.

I just need to apply that "just do it" mentality to certain other areas in my life (non-food/fitness areas).


Oh, and I will end with a link to a SparkFriend's blog that I just loved reading today. It fits into the idea of redirecting thoughts and energy, though in her case it's about stressful moments:
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    2008 days ago
    That does sound like a fun shopping trip. Isn't it nice to get a compliment like that? I'm trying harder to voice compliments. It's important for us to support each other.

    And congrats on your workout attitude. It's so easy to skip it instead of finding an alternative. And what fun ideas you came up with! Who needs a gym every day, anyway?
    2154 days ago
    I often wonder if people (friends & family) would be there for me like I am there for them? It is very hard to be the giver in a relationship and never get what you need in return. Way to go with the shopping success.
    2157 days ago
    Having the opposite problem too with bras.

    Wow, glad you've dropped another size!! emoticon emoticon
    2160 days ago
    Tough to constantly be on the receiving end of a needy person, isn't it?

    Hang in there!
    2160 days ago
  • MARYM1962
    well my bra problem is the opposite - if I get a band big enough (I am only a 38) then the C is too big, but the B is too small! - do I hang out, or do I have gaping material? I switched to sports bras all the time, so I don't worry about it anymore. (even though they don't work well with dressy clothes).
    I am also in 16's going to 14's and remember my X days - so good to be able to get in clothes that fit instead of clothes that "drape"!
    2161 days ago
    I love your blog. I have to smile when thinking about the bra dilemma because I've got it too. You should be so proud of your weight loss. YAY you! You BFE sounds like most guys. They're just kind of oblivious to we woman's thoughts and feelings. They just know we're their friends, we love them, and we listen to them. What can we do? :-p
    2162 days ago
    Wow, having fun shopping for clothes?! So jealous! I hope to be there one day soon! Congrats! emoticon
    2162 days ago
    I would keep working on your journey with your work out and the food you eat.

    Well your friends have drama and sometimes it is good to just step back some and be busy and let them work it out.

    Or meet them separately. I don't know about meeting your guy friend alone. He seems to only want you around when he needs to fill a void. Next he could start hitting on you for comfort. Doesn't sound like a great friend.

    Going out eating to much and drinking doesn't sound like a great night. A nice sit down dinner and a drink maybe suitable.

    Keep focused and take care of you. That is totally awesome you are about a 14. What a great feeling that is.. I would be excited

    2162 days ago
    Thanks, I needed this motivation today! I feel like I've been losing the same 5 lbs for a month!
    2162 days ago
  • KIPPER15
    Going down in size sure makes shopping fun. emoticon
    2162 days ago
    Good for you! Great job on all of your successes so far. You must feel great in your 16's. That's what I am in now, and I'm ecstatic about it. This was my goal, but a 14 is closing in, even though I'm not losing, but still changing. I'm having the same problem in the bra area and the button down shirts, etc. I thought about searching for upper body exercises that might help, but in the past whenever I lost weight, I lost in the bust too.

    Great blog, keep up the wonderful job you are doing. Congrats on the credit re-build, and good luck with your BFE. I'm glad he isn't getting you to follow! You sound determined.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2163 days ago
    Keep after your goals! You have come a long way!
    2163 days ago
    I've a fairly large difference in band:bust size also so I am going to give you my extremely unsolicited advice: I HIGHLY recommend or I haven't bought a bra in an actual store in about 5 years.

    Otherwise, so glad you are having an overall good day. : )
    2163 days ago
    Loved your blog. You really are a good writer and full of inspiration too! Thanks!!
    2163 days ago
    Keep up the good work. Torrid has some cute clothes. Dont know where you live but I find some really cute things at Marshalls and TJ Max in Women sizes.
    2163 days ago
    Congratulations on lossing the weight. It is a long hard struggle at my house. But I am so excited with a drop a clothing size
    2163 days ago
  • ANYVAR54
    Glad you can now start building your credit. Very important. Congratulations!
    2163 days ago
    Great blog
    2163 days ago
    Love those good days!!
    2163 days ago
    Excellent blog - thought-provoking and inspirational!!
    2163 days ago
    I sometimes feel that no one really knows me also.

    It is good that you don't take side and that you state what you believe because otherwise, you would not be a good friend. My husband I are pretty blunt with each other and sometimes it's heated but that's life. If we were both to shut up and not say anything about anything that is bothering us, we would end up divorced!
    Good for you for standing up for yourself!
    Great job on the weight loss :) and being able to wear smaller clothes. Meet you there soon ;)

    2164 days ago
    Good job on losing so much weight. It must be exciting seeing that you can go shopping in "normal" stores soon!

    Good ideas for alternative workouts, too. You can't let the gym closing early stop you from meeting your goals.
    2164 days ago
    I appreciated you sharing your thoughts on whether people really know you. I often feel that I keep up too many walls. It's oddly comforting to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

    Congrats on the little shopping scores! They are the moments that keep us motivated.
    2164 days ago
    for the guy who "leans" on you when his other relationship is going bad -
    the guy who ignores big pieces of who you are and who you want to be?
    Do you really need him in your life?
    Aren't you worth more than just the crumbs he is giving you?
    I could be all wrong, but it sounds like you have your life on track and together.
    I don't write in blogs and I don't usually give unsolicited advice - but you sound so very much like me, I just let those times he ignored pieces of me, and wrote it off as just part of life.
    10 years later I woke up, and finally stepped out of what had GROWN into a terribly abusive relationship which had turned into a marriage.
    By letting him ignore pieces of me I was allowing him to go a step further each time - until he had taken just about every freedom and individuality of myself.
    I am a strong person and there were no physical bruises, just mental, financial and emotional abuse.
    So, I ask you to look at what you are giving away when people ignore who you are, OR who you want to be. Really look at what you hiding and see if it is worth it.
    2164 days ago
    Way to go! Bras are and can be a nightmare!
    2164 days ago
  • RSTEINER1313
    keep going
    2164 days ago
  • AJB121299
    keep it up
    2164 days ago
    2164 days ago
  • CAROLZ1967
    Those little comments/compliments really add up and go a long way to boost our mood and hopefully our confidence and self-esteem too! Soak them've earned them!! :-)
    2164 days ago
    Awesome blog..keep up the great work! Hope to meet u one day in the 150s.. emoticon
    2164 days ago
    Good for you.
    2164 days ago
    keep trying!
    2164 days ago
    fredricka of hollywood has a great selection! they size to fit large and tiny girls. and all the weird shapes in betwwenplus there very pretty and don't look like the "grandma" bras most size ten and up are used to. and lets face it putting something pretty on can make us feel like a millon bucks
    2164 days ago
  • KK10TM
    So glad you shared this. It's definitely inspiring. Congratulations!
    2164 days ago
    You are doing emoticon emoticon
    2164 days ago
    2164 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2164 days ago
  • MISSY455
    emoticon results since September! You are doing emoticon
    Amazing how the fitness routine just becomes habit, and you find a way of making it work.
    2164 days ago
    It's always nice to get a compliment. emoticon
    2164 days ago
    You are doing great! I wouldn't consider going to a bar fun either!! I have a terrible time
    finding Bra's also. The clerk @ Lane Bryant Could use a good lesson in customer service!! I found Breezies Bra's @; and I love them. I need an underwire and
    Qvc has them. Good support without hurting. A Mother and daughter"s designed these
    Bra's. Maybe you would like to give them a try. Just a suggestion emoticon .
    Have a great day! I enjoyed your blog! emoticon emoticon
    2164 days ago
    Awesome job!! Keep up the hard work!! emoticon
    2164 days ago
    It sounds like you are on the right track! Keep up the good work!
    About the Ugh part of your day. Maybe you need to show yourself to certain people. You just need to pick the right person to show yourself to. Good Luck with that!
    2164 days ago
    Don't let the ugh get you down you have come so far . the shopping trips become fun when we start looking for smaller sizes and as for Bras i have yet to find that is comfortable and fits properly. sounds like you have visited the finical Spark site pay the card ASP your on you way now.. what a unkind thing for her to say good for for telling you far you come i might have gone back and returned what i had had just bought with an un kind remark like that . i like that you have plan in place to get your work out in .
    Great blog and as always you give us a lot to think about as we travel along the spark journey. Your weight loss is very inspiring and you can really see the changes you have experience Keep up the good job. emoticon
    2164 days ago
  • JAMER123
    emoticon emoticon emoticon on your weight loss.
    I am still working to get to an 18 but hoping it will be this summer!!
    Keep going and you will reach your goals and be able to fit into the proper clothing:):)
    2164 days ago
    2164 days ago
    Great thoughts. Take it from a busty DDD with a 36 band try the outlets. Hanes stores carry my size and of course on-line. But I got to try these on. Way to go on the clothes department. Be brave you can tell the people you care about what matters to you. You are worth it.
    2164 days ago
    If you have to start buying your bras online is a great site. They have bras in a wide range of cup and band sizes. I have large breasts and a large cup size and often have trouble shopping in stores for a proper fitting bra.

    Great job on your weight loss!
    2164 days ago
    I'm so very glad to see that you don't consider going to a bar and getting drunk as fun. I had to give up my friends who didn't grow up and still thought getting drunk was fun. I only wish my son had done the same, perhaps he'd still be alive today..........I think you've outgrown your friend. Let go and move on. You deserve better for yourself. Think about it.................
    2164 days ago
    Oh boy, I am usually the friend that rambles on either with fun stories or rants of life rough! Be kind.

    As for that sales lady...What a B@#%h! Best of luck with the twins!

    My gym did not mention different hours just that there would be no classes. But come to think of it they probably will have shorter hours they do for the other ones. Thanks for the reminder.

    2164 days ago
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