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High Roller

Thursday, May 17, 2012

I limped slightly into yesterday's nerve procedure for my left foot, but was excited for the same great results as with my right hand. No room in my mind for folding on this round. I was allll in.

We checked in at 5:45 a.m.
I got the local anesthetic this time at the request of the doctors (and some Sparker's suggestions). No problem.
They seemed really happy with the procedure, and by 7:30 AM I was wheeled to recovery. Wahoo, right?

5 minutes afterwards, I knew something was off. My right foot ignited with fire pain and redness, and just got worse. I was shaking. This was b-a-d.
They taped ice packs to my foot to cool it - no luck. They tried applying ice water soaked washcloths, and swapping out more McGyver'd ice pack shoes every 10 minutes too - no dice. My EM started to go nutzo, and when they were checking the incision site on my back for a reaction, I realized my entire backside was sweaty. I was on a memory foam gurney. EM folks can't touch that stuff since it insulates heat and causes EM flares. This definitely was not helping...

Next, opiates came into the picture, or the IV. I got sick from them pretty quickly (yuck-o). Then I got pumped full of two types of anti nausea meds (since the first one was not working).
Once I was loopy from everything, they hooked me up to an IV infusion of lidocaine, plus a topical lidocaine cream. They needed to cool things down quickly. I am so thankful or their efforts.

All of the stuff above was taking place while I sitting up in a recliner chair - because of that d*mn memory foam bed!
I felt like I was in an airplane seat, and talking to myself from the drugs. My speech was slurred for hours and I was not myself.

The docs suggested admitting me into the hospital for a couple of days and get a slower infusion of lidocaine, but I just wanted to go home. I had been in the highest # on the pain scale since 7:30 a.m. (it was now 2:00 p.m.).
I wanted to lie flat, and in my bed.
They let me go home as long as I promised to continue taking some heavy nerve meds, and I was to make a decision by 8:00 pm last night (when the meds should have shown some effect). They warned the ER that I might be coming, and prepped them on my situation. Thanks but no thanks.

I fought to stay home last night like and old lady attached to her cardigan sweater.
It was tough last night, and today has been challenging too. I am typing this while lying down, with my left foot greased up in lidocaine cream and elevated over my heart.
Maybe I will be more limber after this passes? : )

Perhaps I made the wrong decision to get this nerve procedure, since I feel like I took two steps backward with my CRPS. The pain is as high as when my CRPS surfaced last Memorial Day. How ironic since that one year anniversary is fast approaching.
We were told that this awful pain should fade in a few days.
I'm betting everything on that.

My husband cancelled a much needed trip to see his family (again), and part of me feels rotten about it. I'm missing work, and completely overloading my coworkers (again). My DH also missed work to care for me (again).
I'm fighting the feeling that I have been dealt a bad hand.

But this year I have solid resources that I am reminding myself to pull on. I have dear Spark friends to lift me when I feel I cannot stand (like now). Spark friends who are actually willing to swap out a part of their workout plan until I can hop back in and join them (THANK YOU!). I have a pain psychologist who is teaching me tools to deal with my pain, not dwell on the long term, and conquer today ONLY. This is not easy!
I am showing my 'tells'.

I felt the prayers and good thoughts from all of yesterday. I cried a lot from pain and fear, but I kept going. I made it through, and did not eat my emotions (thank God!).
I'm trying to stay motivated to get well enough to workout, to keep my eating sane-and Spark everyday.
I've been dealt a higher card and I am going to use it! It would be un-lucky not to...

'Nuff Said
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Bren, I am so glad you find us as your support, because we ARE that. I find people sometimes withdraw from their relationships - be it friends, family, faith - and isolate themselves when they are hurting, trying not to "burden" others or be self-suificent. I smile knowing you hold tight to us, to your hubs, to your faith. It does not suprise me for a minute that you wanted to go home, you are the (drum roll) Invincible Beautiful Bren afterall! dun dunna dun! Please depend on us more, because God knows we depend on you too emoticon

    Cmonnnnnnnnnn SEVENS!
    2373 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/22/2012 1:32:28 PM
  • OOLALA53
    I only hope I can be as brave as you should the need arise.
    2375 days ago
    My amazing friend Bren - you are the MOST positive person I know and deserve a speedy recovery. My apologies on not seeing your blog sooner, but I am saying lots of prayers now for your foot to get its act together and follow the path your right hand has led. I will also pull out my worry people and put them all under my pillow for you tonight and every night until they take away your foot pain. Don't feel bad for your co-workers and DH. They all love you and what they have to bear is nothing in comparison to what you are dealing with... plus people like to feel needed; think of it as you just doing your part to help them with that. Stay strong girl - healing is on its way!

    Hugs ~ Melissa
    2377 days ago
    Seeing this kind of late but WOW, I will be praying that you feel better soon and that the procedure ends up having the DESIRED effect. You are amazing, hang on to that cardigan sweater, you will make it... emoticon emoticon emoticon Sara
    2377 days ago
    dang, you even made a joke in the midst of your agony - the old lady with the cardigan is brilliant! See, finding the ridiculous, ridonkulous, emphasis on "rid." To rid yourself of this pain even for 3 seconds by making a joke. You're just amazing. And that pain...I have no words for that, at least none I can use in polite company. But you know the words, scream them into your pillow, bite their heads off and scream jokes at them. I hope the procedure ends up better than it started, ends up with helping your foot rather than making it worse. Beyond the jokes, beyond the pain, we always have hope. And I'll hope with you all day.
    2377 days ago
  • BECKYB73
    Bren, you are INCREDIBLE! I can't even imagine what you're going through, though your writing certainly gives me a pretty good idea as to how horrific this ordeal is. Yet still you rise...

    It is inspiring.
    2377 days ago
    Oh dear friend, so sorry you have to endure this situation! I will pray for you that this all works for a good end results! You are right to take it a day at a time! I understand those feelings of having to impose on others, husband, co-workers, etc. But this is not in your control (isn't that a bitch! ), so just go for the ride...
    Love & Hugs,
    Mary emoticon
    2377 days ago
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    2377 days ago
    I HATE this for you!!! The pain WILL go away soon, I know it. You are so strong and brave. You can push through this. You are going to be feeling great in no time. Your positive energy will get you through. Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us and sharing YOU with us. You are awesome! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2378 days ago
    Awww baby! I'm so sorry you had a bad reaction and are suffering so much! I'm cringing thinking of what you are going through!!!I'm sending g healing thoughts for this pain to subside and I just want you to know I'm here for you and please contact me if you need anything I can do!!!! Tell hubby I think he's an angel.....
    2378 days ago
    I am amazed that with this awful ordeal you are coherent enough to type out your story. We may not be able to "actually" feel your pain - nor would we want to -- but we psychically feel it and empathize. It's a REALLY good thing that you can be honest here on Spark and tell the truth about what you are going through. And on top of everything, you are cute and sweet and adorable and funny. That said, I'm waiting for your next blog that tells us the pain has let up and you are improving again.
    2378 days ago
    I have no words of comfort for you. I'm so sorry. Pain is just plain awful.

    That said,

    I wish for you peace and harmony.
    I wish for you a simple and beautiful picture in your mind, to take you away from the pain you are experiencing.
    I wish for you a crazy, loopy monkey in that picture that is doing the strangest, yet most fascinating things!

    I'm here.

    2378 days ago
    You are so brave!

    My very deepest wishes for a full recovery!

    2378 days ago
    Oh Bren, I am SO sorry! I hadn't seen this until a few minutes ago! Please, please know that I am praying for you and hoping this gets to a manageable place real soon! I wish there was something I could do, knowing you are in pain is SO frustrating, and I'm not even going through it! You are one of the bravest people I have ever known, you just keep going when others would just curl up and say "No More!!"
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2378 days ago
    Brea, the more I read the more my heart sank. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. And I HATE that my being "sorry" can't help your pain. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, and if you can think of anything that I CAN do to help, I'll do it!
    emoticon emoticon
    2378 days ago
    emoticon I'm so sorry that you're going through so much. You're right though - you have a lot going *for* you. Please keep venting and reaching out because we're all here for you.Take lots of care!
    2378 days ago
    Bren, it seems wrong that I feel so encouraged by you and your awesome perspective, but there it is. I have a friend who is going through a painful illness and I'm having a hard time not feeling like she's been dealt a bad hand too. It's SO freaking hard to see past the pain, but you're absolutely right, the cards and the stars and other shiny, pretty things line up and wait for us to get distracted by them instead.
    Based on experience, I know for a fact that your loved ones and co-workers WANT to do whatever they can to help you, even if it requires changing things around. I know it's hard, but don't worry about that for now (I know that's like saying "DON'T think of an elephant!"). The CRPS (please tell me you refer to it as craps!) may not be curable right now, but the worst of it goes through temporary phases, right? I totally believe in you and that you'll blow through those fitness minutes again, and we'll all be like Geez, I thought I was racking 'em up, but there goes Bren with her "just crossed Many Million Fitness Minutes!" on our feed again. I know I ain't the only one who notices and bows down to your bad self!

    2378 days ago
    2378 days ago
  • LGAR519
    What a terrible thing this CRPS is. I wish more than anything that they would find a cure for it. I hate that you are suffering and there is nothing I can do but pray for you.
    2378 days ago
  • LGAR519
    What a terrible thing this CRPS is. I wish more than anything that they would find a cure for it. I hate that you are suffering and there is nothing I can do but pray for you.
    2378 days ago
    I swear we have so much in common on our common goal to beat that pain into oblivion!! You can get through this. We are all in your corner nudging you along and trying to take your pain away. emoticon emoticon
    2378 days ago
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