I'm coming out.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Well, I just got back from a secular recovery group meeting. While I already knew what kind of addiction I deal with (compulsive overeating), this meeting left me feeling SO hopeful and SO clear-headed.

I'm not here to proselytize or preach, but I've definitely found a solution -- and that's to believe in MYSELF. To have faith that I KNOW what the answer is and that I'm NO LONGER POWERLESS.

For over a year, I went to OA meetings and told myself that I didn't have it in me to handle my food issues. That I was just in denial if I thought I could deal with the addiction all on my own. That recovery (real recovery) requires surrender to God -- even if I don't believe in one (or at least struggle with what that means). That I'm not strong enough. That I have to follow the steps and completely abstain and say the right words and go to meetings FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, IF I WANT TO RECOVER.

Well, I don't believe that anymore.

Here's what I DO believe. Here's what I DO know:

- I can rationalize my way through anything. I can make excuses till the end of time. But in the end, I want moderation and healthful, meaningful living. I LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO AIM FOR THAT.
- I am strong enough. Dammit - I'm intelligent and insightful and when I'm empowered, I'm a force of f*cking nature. I'm so sick and SO tired of people telling me I'm powerless. That's just making it worse.
- I also know that the program can work for other people. And if they're happy - that's awesome. But I'm not going to put myself through it anymore. I'm grateful for where OA got me - it's made me stronger and more determined. But I've outgrown it.

It's time to grab the reins and take control. Because I can do it. I'm relying on myself, because you know what? Rachel knows what the hell she's doing. She's always known. This time? The only thing getting in the way is negative self-talk. F*ck that noise.

I want to get healthy, and that's what's going to happen.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great to hear you sound so motivated and ready to take on the world!
    2710 days ago
    YOU are STRONG!!!! And who are these people telling you that you are powerless??? You are more powerful than you know. Great blog!! Great job!!
    2714 days ago
  • no profile photo GARBLEDEEGOOK
    I think you'll like this:

    "Humanism is about the betterment of all humanity and the contemplation of what it is we wish to become. It’s about taking control of our own lives in the absence of divine intervention. And it’s about taking responsibility for ourselves and doing the right thing."

    source: http://ieet.org/index.php/IEET/more
    2714 days ago
  • no profile photo GARBLEDEEGOOK
    To leave it all to a higher power is setting ourselves up for failure and have an excuse for when it does fail.

    You are right, you have the power and there is only this life on earth so Carpe Diem!

    emoticon emoticon
    2715 days ago
    Reading this blog made me happy because I can hear how strong you are!
    I have had my eating demons and I know it is a rough struggle. I never sought help myself so I commend you for seeking it when you did and I also commend you for taking control and dealing with this on your own and in a way that is good and healthy for you.
    2715 days ago
    I certainly don't mean to sound intolerant of the help that any one kind of person finds. What works for me won't work for everyone else. I'm just super grateful that I've found something that makes me feel hopeful again, and strong enough to deal with my issues. :)
    2715 days ago
    I'm so happy that you have found the help that you need. I think there is a program for everyone and this one most likely will be very objective which is important to me and it sounds like to you as well.
    2715 days ago
  • MUFFIY831
    That sounds awesome. Good for you for taking the journey and landing in a place of hope and (self) faith.
    2715 days ago
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