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Lament of a Recurrent Gout Sufferer (with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)

Monday, May 14, 2012

Hello gout flare, my old friend
You've come to torment me again
Because high purines softly creeping
Crystals formed while I was sleeping
And these crystals that are planted in my toe
Cause me woe
Not limping in silence

From restless sleep gout woke me up
Wondering on just what I did sup
'Neath the halo of a nightlight lamp
My diet I would again revamp
When my toes were stabbed by the flash of a gouty ouch
Made me a grouch
I bit my tongue, in silence

And in the bathroom not that I saw
Ten thousand crystals, maybe more
Gout attacking without speaking
Non-sufferers hearing without listening
We’re writing blogs that people never read
No one indeed
Suffer the gouty, in silence

"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Crystals in joints can grow and grow
Hear my words that I might teach you
Cry my toes that I might need you"
But my words, like silent crystals formed
And echoed
In my joints, in silence

And the sufferers bowed and prayed
For a cure for the dismayed
And the gout flashed out its warning
In the crystals that were forming
And the gout said, "The words of the genes are written in DNA
That is the way"
And they laughed, in the toes of silence

(Time to quit my day job? Or to hire a copyright infringement defense attorney?)

Updated - two doses of my Indomethecin script and I should be OK by Weds latest; maybe even Tuesday.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CALI1156
    had one attack of gout in my toe...3 years was awful! I can so empathize with your suffering. Feel better soon, Boss!
    2222 days ago
    I hate gout!!

    2223 days ago
  • DRB13_1
    I was humming along and (almost) feeling your pain...
    Feel better! emoticon
    2223 days ago
    emoticon Hope these attacks don't last long.
    2223 days ago
  • BOBBBI_97
    I am so sorry for your Gout pain ....I have also had it in my toes caught me off guard and
    I couldn't even walk and the painnnnn ouch hurts so bad...until a friend told me that if I got off of orange juice it would Help and so I did...I haven't had orange juice now for 2 months I
    wanted to see if it would help and it did...I haven't had any more pain and been off of my Gout
    pills for 2 months now...and I haven't been to the E.R. for any shots for my pain since 2 months also so maybe it will help you too...wishin u much relieve soon.

    I also been doing some exercising and watching what I eat every day...I will try anything
    if I can get my Gout pain to leave me alone.

    2226 days ago
    Dumb Safari browser in iPhone... Hangs up the page and I couldn't tell that it "took"!! Feel free to delete the extras because I'm not seeing it in this viewer! Grrrr
    2226 days ago
    Dude, this is hysterical and I am going to send the link to my husband. His father suffered from gout a good many of his 93+ years here on earth (at least 50+ years, because Jon knew of his dad's gout torment nearly all his own life and he's about 50 years younger than his dad!). Being a Depression Surviver there in Oklahoma he relied on home remedy more than prescriptions...

    And the best, by far, was CHERRIES!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Fresh, raw, frozen, canned, pie filling, jam, jelly, it really made no difference to him (though I'm sure he had quicker results with fresh raw cherries!). I've read up on this in other literature and website, and it does seem to have done technical scientific is a good bit cheaper and saves your FSA for more serious medical needs.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Water is a pretty good solvent too...

    But hey, I won't begrudge you another bout of gout if it keeps you awake long enough to write wonderful parody like this!! Just sorry it hurts so bad, and it does... I've had gout too but thankfully not often!

    Go get some pharmaceuticals at the grocery store - emoticon
    2226 days ago
    Suffering from gout is very painful. I pray you are better soon.
    BTW, your words are not written in silence.
    Neither are they read in silence.
    Make a lot of noise,
    we all want to hear you.
    Keep Smiling
    2226 days ago
    Feel better soon!
    2226 days ago
    I seriously don't think S&G are worried! LOL That being said. Sorry you're in pain. Many HUGS! Laurie
    2226 days ago
  • MARYANN2323
    Sorry you're down & out of commission. These recurring patches are so disheartening. Especially as you are working so hard at this. All the best for a speedy recovery. See you at the beach.
    2226 days ago
    Ugh--so sorry to hear this. Gout is a nasty disease to have. Glad to hear you looked at your diet to see if there is a cause there--hope you get some relief soon! emoticon
    2226 days ago
    Hi Boss....

    Don't know much about Gout .... but I DO know a thing or two about pain!

    Sending v-i-b-e-s yourway for the 'absence of pain' --- (my perpetual fantasy.....)... I now pass it on to you.

    By the were a respondent to my insane blog a few days ago....No I wasn't smashed! Haven't had a drop in years.....don't know why I wrote all that gibberish. I immediately deleted it and the few comments..... (embarrassed....) What did you say in your comment?? I'm curious.

    Feel better soon, buddy. I'm on a bunch of meds to deal with the pain and the Lupus.... So I'm not really responsible for anything I say or do...... (lol) Sad, but true.

    2226 days ago
    OK, I had to sing it in my head!
    2226 days ago
    Sorry you're in so much pain emoticon
    Love the copyright infringement though!
    Hang in there!!
    2226 days ago
    My father suffers from gout so I have an idea of how much pain you must be in. Of course, he can't say no to shellfish, which is part of the reason why he gets so many flare-ups. From his vast experience dealing with gout, he finds that drinking a lot of water helps him get better faster. OK, OK, I know you drink a lot of water as it is and how you feel on this subject. Feel better!
    2226 days ago
    Sorry you are having gout problems that is painful never experience but have friend who has i we can join in the pain of the toes thought since i broke my little toe when i fell in April and it not happy with me either since i took it on a 7 plus mile race last Sunday May 6 and of course am still paying for it now emoticon Feel better soon and hope you can join us i challenge 3 like the blog you are good even though you are in pain.
    2226 days ago
  • KATHRYN1955
    Love the song!!!! As a retired nurse, have you had your uric acid levels and other related blood work done recently? You may already be on anti-gout meds, but they do help.
    Take care, and hope the pain soon abates.
    2226 days ago
  • XRSIZE18
    Gout AND a Simon & Garfunkel ripoff? What a blog...
    2226 days ago
    Sorry you are in such pain. I never heard of gout until last week when my Mom was diagnosed with it. Ask you wife for a referral to a good attorney. Get better soon.
    2226 days ago
    I'm sorry you're in such pain. I do hope you get some relief soon.
    2226 days ago
    So sorry about your pain!

    (Very clever rearrangement of "The Sound of Silence" though. Maybe you could have an attorney's number handy..................)

    an> emoticon

    2226 days ago
  • CMW123
    water, water and more water ... but you probably already knew that. From what I understand about gout, it is caused from the kidneys not being able to filter as fast as the uric acid builds up. Perhaps some dandelion tea would help. Add it with some chamomile because it can be bitter.

    Feel better soon.
    2226 days ago
    2226 days ago

    Ugh. Bummer. What do you think, too much of the bananas?

    Might want to watch out for hidden sugar in your processed foods too. "Evaporated Cane Juice" is sugar, plain and simple. (Couldn't find any details though on the proportion of glurose to fructose, but it's probably close to table sugar - 50% glucose and 50% fructose.)
    2226 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/14/2012 8:39:59 AM
    Hope you feel better!
    2226 days ago
    So sorry. Hope you are feeling better soon. You made me sing your song in my head.
    2226 days ago
  • GJCAB09
    Get better fella! I've got a buddy with the same stuff, lays him up terrible sometimes, just glad I've not had to deal with the "gout of silence" myself.

    Great job on the song : )
    2226 days ago
    Sorry about your pain. Hope you feel better soon and love your poem! emoticon
    2226 days ago
    I feel your pain! My fix is carrot juice with tons of celery for a few days. It works for me faster than the meds the Dr.s gave me without the side effects. I also go a bit and cut out all animal products now and then to keep the levels down in my body. That has helped me prevent flare ups so far. Just a thought, works for me. emoticon
    2226 days ago
    Oh you have summed it up in such a way that no one else could do!

    Hoping you feel better soon. **SIGH** Uric acid crystals . . . not even the kind of crystals that are pretty!!
    2226 days ago
    oof, that bites! Hope you feel better!
    2226 days ago
  • NEKEL16
    feel better soon buddy xx
    2226 days ago
    ouch! That hurts!
    Hope you're feeling better soon.
    2226 days ago
    Um, creativity born of pain? Well done!
    My brother suffered with gout for years - I can't say I feel your pain but I've got an idea.
    Too bad about the exercise - I was sidelined with shin splints and had to resort to the hand crank machine - I felt 90 years old (not that there's anything wrong with that.. wait, yes there is). emoticon
    2226 days ago
    oh if it were as quick to find relief - permanent relief - as it was to share the pain. So sorry that you struggle with this problem - UGH!!! Hope it's better soon.
    2227 days ago
    Check with Weird Al to see if he's interested.

    "And the words of the profits are written on Facebook walls."
    2227 days ago
    Oh, and I hope you feel better soon! But keep laughing!
    2227 days ago

    But yeah, I'd get lawyered up!
    2227 days ago
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