Lately, I’ve started to feel that I’m losing control on my weight loss journey. I’ve been really good about tracking all of my food for a whole month now. There are days that I went over, but I still tracked them. Well yesterday, my team at work had a potluck. It is very hard to track things that you don’t know what is in them, but taste oh so good!
I’m not going to beat myself up over this. But, I have had this issue with trying so hard to be perfect all of the time. I guess it’s because it’s the one thing I feel like I have control over, myself. At first, I thought it was pure stubbornness, which I do still think it has something to do with that. Another thing, I’ve been so afraid to fall because I wasn’t entirely sure if I would be able to get up right away. It is important to me to stay on track in this journey.
Part of me says it’s ok to have those days were you just don’t eat right. The other part of me feels a bit guilty because I feel like I’m cheating myself out of a healthy lifestyle. I don’t want to deprive myself of what I crave, but I know that it isn’t the best for me.
Yesterday affirmed somewhat of my feelings. I had three platefuls of food. One for lunch, one for dinner, and the third shortly after for a meeting; the third plate is the one that I am most disappointed about. I grabbed that plate, just because I wanted it. I was already full and so I overstuffed myself. I ended up paying for it by a tore up stomach, but it made me feel as though I’m losing the battle.
So, today, I made the decision to never again touch fast food. Completely opposite of what I had yesterday, but it’s something that I felt I needed to do in order to tighten my grip on my control. If I am ever craving something from the fast food restaurant, I’m going to first of all, research what is in fast food (ick!), and then find a way to make it myself and make it healthier.
I’m also going to talk to my doctor about how many calories are enough for me as I increase my exercise daily. I don’t want to eat too much, but I also don’t want my body going into starvation mode.
I’m sick of falling. I’m sick of the feeling of not doing good enough…so now, I’ve tightened my grip on what it means to travel this journey, and while I do expect to fall every now and then, I will NOT allow myself to eat something just because it is front of me.
This blog may sound a bit depressing, but it isn’t meant to be. I’m only trying to remind myself why I am doing this, and also to help me understand the gravity of what I’m putting my body through.