Firming up my Grip

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Lately, I’ve started to feel that I’m losing control on my weight loss journey. I’ve been really good about tracking all of my food for a whole month now. There are days that I went over, but I still tracked them. Well yesterday, my team at work had a potluck. It is very hard to track things that you don’t know what is in them, but taste oh so good!

I’m not going to beat myself up over this. But, I have had this issue with trying so hard to be perfect all of the time. I guess it’s because it’s the one thing I feel like I have control over, myself. At first, I thought it was pure stubbornness, which I do still think it has something to do with that. Another thing, I’ve been so afraid to fall because I wasn’t entirely sure if I would be able to get up right away. It is important to me to stay on track in this journey.

Part of me says it’s ok to have those days were you just don’t eat right. The other part of me feels a bit guilty because I feel like I’m cheating myself out of a healthy lifestyle. I don’t want to deprive myself of what I crave, but I know that it isn’t the best for me.

Yesterday affirmed somewhat of my feelings. I had three platefuls of food. One for lunch, one for dinner, and the third shortly after for a meeting; the third plate is the one that I am most disappointed about. I grabbed that plate, just because I wanted it. I was already full and so I overstuffed myself. I ended up paying for it by a tore up stomach, but it made me feel as though I’m losing the battle.

So, today, I made the decision to never again touch fast food. Completely opposite of what I had yesterday, but it’s something that I felt I needed to do in order to tighten my grip on my control. If I am ever craving something from the fast food restaurant, I’m going to first of all, research what is in fast food (ick!), and then find a way to make it myself and make it healthier.

I’m also going to talk to my doctor about how many calories are enough for me as I increase my exercise daily. I don’t want to eat too much, but I also don’t want my body going into starvation mode.

I’m sick of falling. I’m sick of the feeling of not doing good enough…so now, I’ve tightened my grip on what it means to travel this journey, and while I do expect to fall every now and then, I will NOT allow myself to eat something just because it is front of me.

This blog may sound a bit depressing, but it isn’t meant to be. I’m only trying to remind myself why I am doing this, and also to help me understand the gravity of what I’m putting my body through.

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  • no profile photo CD10378117
    I love blogs like this because 1. they're so therapeutic and 2. you learn a lot about yourself and can reflect on your choices. Potlucks are always the worst in my opinion. At church, in between Sabbath school and the afternoon service there's always a potluck and as much as I'd love to stay to fellowship, I go home to eat something that I made and that I know is healthy. My alternative is to take something to the potluck myself that's healthy. You don't have to be perfect and count every calorie of every morsel of food in situations like that. I find that if I try to do that, I go a little crazy. I estimate to the best of my ability and try to stick to the healthier looking things. Also, remember that sometimes it takes a situation like the one you had yesterday, to wake us up to our habits and help us try to change them. Good for you for giving up fast food. Anything that's out there, can be made a million times healthier in your own kitchen. Fast food is convenient for our busy lives, not for our health. We have to make time for our health. I'm proud of you for tightening your grip :) You will fall. We're human, we will always fall. But what matters most is how fast you get back up. Don't stay on the ground because it's easy, push yourself back up and keep moving forward!
    3009 days ago
  • PUNKY100
    Ugh, work is the worst place to try to turn down food. Everyone that you see every day staring you down like 'oh come on, one won't hurt you', then you have one of everything!!!! I also agree with everything these two ladies have said and won't try to repeat it, except for the part about the fast food. I admit that I do have breakfast at Arby's every morning, but I have found a MUCH healthier way to go about it. Cutting something out that is pretty prominent in our culture is going to be far more difficult than finding good ways to go about it.

    I also think you are doing a great job, the two of us seem to be fast learners and are not letting things get us down!!!! :-D We can do it, stumbling blocks and all. Ok, watch out, cliche time coming: It's all about the journey as much as the destination. If we went through this learning nothing, that wouldn't be worth it because when we got down to our goal weight, we would just go back to eating like before, and it would be an even more vicious cycle!!

    Just keep your positive attitude and keep trucking, and we will all get through it!!!

    emoticon emoticon
    3010 days ago
  • SONIA260
    Jennifer, I've said it many times before, I'll say it again...I am soooo proud of you! This blog does not sound depressing from my end. I know you may feel like you did something terrible, but you didn't do anything that everyone else hasn't done at some point along their journey. We need these little stumbling blocks to remind us of our old vices so that we can set a conscious plan in motion to be more aware of it. You have achieved that through this blog! I consider fast food to be extremely unhealthy food....deep fried junk, overly salty, overly sugary....like Amber said, there are healthy options at most of these 'evil' places nowadays, so make a list, complete with alterations for ordering (ie. sauce on the side, grilled chicken...) I may not have had McDonalds for the past 4 months, but I never ate it much before because I am very sensitive to grease. I still have a plan in place for the inevitable, when a friend desperately wants to go to McDonalds.
    Just remember, we need to hit these roadblocks (and you are making your way through them with grace and strength!) to really help change our mentality. I pray that you can see how many realizations that you have already had along this journey, and so early too! Each and every one of them is a huge no scale victory! You are well on your way, and you have not failed, not once...to fail would be to completely give up and not learn from each situation...love you bunches girly ♥
    3010 days ago
    First off, way to go on not giving up and turning what could of been a HUGE downward spiral into something positive! You took one step back but jumped two steps forward!
    WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE! Just last week I ate my whole calorie day in one sitting of popcorn at the theater, I underestimated the calories in it and was crying when I found out. It happens. You are eating and doing great things for your body more than 80% of the time and that is WAY more than what you have done in the past I am sure!
    Take that pot luck as a learning experience, next time there is a pot luck, bring something healthy, eat a snack before putting things on your plate, and my favorite advice I got from my mother, don't eat things you can eat anytime. Grab that homemade potato salad rather than the pizza that you could get ANYTIME literally.
    Saying you will never touch Fast food again is definitely something we all want and feel as well, but sometime it isn't realistic. For those tough times, I would research your most frequent fast food pit stops and find stuff on the menu that are not to overbearing in calories and whatnot, and then keep a list of those food items in your car. Pull that list out for an easy and quick decision.
    I hope you notice that tracking your food for a whole month sounds like an accomplishment to me and sure doesn't sound like you don't have a grip on things. You understood what happened, blogged about it and are learning from it and didn't give up! That's what I call a FIRM GRIP!
    Stay strong. I also am just giving advice, because we have all been there and I have been there many times, I have been on and off sparkpeople, from falling into that downward spiral and couldn't crawl out of it! I am finally on that upward spiral and loving ever minute of it (even if I do have hiccup days)
    3010 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/11/2012 4:44:54 AM
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