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That voice...the one telling you that you suck...

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

I'm leaving this afternoon to visit my family and friends in the Midwest; Chicago and Indianapolis. The last time I was there, I screwed up my courage and saw some people I hadn't seen since college....this was a fear I had to face and I'm glad I did. Though, with fear and anxiety, it doesn't just go away cause you've faced it down once...well at least I haven't found that to work with real deep seeded issues. This anxiety runs deep and as I've been facing it, I realize that it goes even deeper than I thought it did. My big anxiety is that people will be embarrassed to be seen in public with me, because I am so circus lady fat...of course as I've grown, the anxiety has too. But I'm not letting that run MY life ANYMORE.

SO I'm going to have lunch with some friends from college(after I run/walk the Dirty Girl 5k on Saturday)...they were HOT CHICKS then and they're MILFs now and I love them to pieces and we used to have SO MUCH FUN in school. I messaged one of them on FB, to exchange numbers.
Message from me: I'm looking forward to seeing you too! I have some anxiety cause I look like a circus freak, fat lady and don't want you to be embarrassed to be seen with me. But that's my stupid anxiety talking! I have to make it shut up. My number is blah,blah,blah.

Message from Fawn (yes, that's her REAL name): Becky, We love ya no matter what. I know you have been working hard and I'm proud of you, "Dirty Girl". I will text you later this week to coordinate. you SEE THAT. Proof positive that the voice is LYING TO YOU when it tries to make you avoid seeing people you know and love. Define your fear. Face your fear. Speak your fear so it can't control you. KNOW that you ARE worthy of love and TRUST that your friends truly are real ones!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • XMAC33
    2160 days ago
    That voice is a liar. And if you let it, it will talk you out of doing what you want to do, accomplishing what you want to accomplish and being with people you want to hang out with. I am glad you told it to f off. :)
    2162 days ago
    This goes to show that it is true when it is said that We are our own worst critics. We think of ourselves in ways that others do not. We think others see us as fat and ugly but people who love us just see our heart.

    2172 days ago
    It's the same thing for so many of us! For the loooooongest time, I hated being in public with my husband, because I felt so BIG next to him, in all his muscular glory. It took a lot of face time with my issues to get over it, and some days, it's still a struggle... But I get out there and deal, and each bad day gets less scary to deal with.
    I think you're so amazing for facing your fears, and I just know you're going to have the best time. So often, your blogs make me crack up, or smile- I can imagine you're even better in person!

    2174 days ago
    So happy for you. So so so so happy for YOU!!! I hope you have a blast!
    2174 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    I like your strategy of facing it, of owning up to your fears, and I love her loving response. Have such a great time! Happy travels.
    2174 days ago
    I am so proud of you for sending that text! You found out that you have a true friend who really doesn't care about your size.

    I used to feel the same way. Now that I have lost more weight and weigh less than most current people have ever seen me at I can't wait to bump into them at the store. Sometimes I even go out of my way to visit my old workplace and show off the updated body! ;)
    2174 days ago
    I'm glad you are doing this. I find myself avoiding people I used to know too because I'm embarrassed at the way I look. I hope you have an excellent time!

    2174 days ago
    I do the same thing.. the same, exact thing. Good for you.
    2174 days ago
    It's too bad we tend to think (imagine sometimes) what others think about us. I read a saying I will share with you that goes something like this: It's none of your business what others think about you". A true friend will stick with you and encourage you to be the person you are meant to be. You keep up the good work and you will succeed. Your on the right track.
    2174 days ago
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