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Day 161 - I'm falling into the darkness

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

There are days that I love Facebook and there are days that I hate it. Today when I got to work it brought me sad news about my Dad. Last night he was in the bathroom and after a while my Mom went to go check on him. She found him on the floor and he told her that he couldn't move. Luckily my Aunt was there and she helped my Mom get him to the bedroom. They then called 911 and got him to the hospital. Today he is set to have a CAT scan and neurology testing done. To say I'm on pins and needles would be an understatement at this point...I"M SCARED.

I'm here at work because being here is better than sitting at home thinking all these horrible thoughts. This is when living away from them hurts the most! I keep looking at the clock and praying that the time will fly by and it will be 5o'clock and I will be able to go home. NO SUCH LUCK! Instead it is slowly tick tick ticking away. A person walks by and I plaster a make believe smile on my face and pray that they don't stop and talk with me. I don't want to pretend that I give a rats ____ about anything they have to say to I just don't. Today I'm dying a little more inside and the pain is just so deep and my heart is breaking!

I know I don't have many of these days, the down in the dumps day filled with gloom. I know that I should be trying to find the joy in the world so that it can try and pull me up from this feel....I just can't! I don't have the strength for any of it today. Today it's going to take all that I have to make it through the day and still find the words to tell my daughter.

Please Lord help my father, give him strength, give him peace. Please help my mom to find comfort. If the time is coming near please give me the guidance to help my daughter and my Mom through this. Help me to be strong if they both need me. Help our hearts to heal. ~Amen
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Omg how did I miss this? R u talking about Papa? Either way, I'm so sorry to hear this, big hugs....lots of love!
    2229 days ago
    I know how bad you feel...and its not an easy thing...The way I would find a bit of comfort, is to keep praying praying praying praying...pray for God to get you to the frame of mind you need.

    My prayers are with you as well!
    2233 days ago
    Aw, sweetie...I am so sorry to hear that. You have such inner strength, and you are doing such an amazing job with taking charge of your life. It is perfectly natural to feel swallowed up by what is going on.
    Just want to send you many hugs and many prayers. Prayers for you, your Dad and your entire family.
    You have more caring and support here than you could ever know.
    Your daughter is a part of you and she will be the strength you need, as well.
    2233 days ago
    I hope everything is okay with your dad! I am hoping for the best for him and your family!
    2233 days ago
    My thoughts are with you and your family hun emoticon
    2233 days ago
  • BAKER1009
    Aw, Kim. This is when I wish we lived on the same side of the state! Well, I guess I always wish this. And while I know me being there would not make things better, it would just be nice to give you a hug.
    Know that I am praying for you all during this difficult time. Keep me posted if you can. And you know that my phone is always on for you to call if you need me!!

    Hugs darling, big, big, BIG ones!!
    2233 days ago
    emoticon emoticon

    There is nothing I can say to help you but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could just make it all better for you.

    2233 days ago
  • FREEME1980
    I know it's hard and you are being strong Kim. Just remember that it's okay to show some emotions and not be so strong. Your daughter will help you. Go home and give her a big hug and you both can cry together. I'm sorry that you all have to go through this. My father fell a couple of times too, he split his head open but no broken bones. I hope our father recovers from this fall. Sending prayers of strength to you and your family. Gentle hugs to you my friend.
    2233 days ago
    Baby girl I know this is such a hard time for you and you have had such a rocky year with famiily health issues.

    I can't stress enough how although I wish I was there in person, that I am in spirit holding your hand and helping you through this as I know you would me.

    I will pray for peace. He so deserves that right now. This is the worst part, it seems for all parties involved. You wish it were over, but never want to let go.

    Hold on Kim. Get the good memories together to pull you through and feel me holding you tight. I love you so much.
    2233 days ago
  • ANISSA331
    im saying a prayer for him. i am sure he will be fine!!!
    2233 days ago
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