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Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Don’t you hate those days that suck so hard only because they started out so well? This is one of those. I woke up without hitting the snooze & hopped out of bed to get to the gym. I was really proud of myself for going because I was a little sore & very tired (as usual. LOL). Anyway, I got ready for work & drove the usual hour commute listening to this week’s audio book, “How To Win Friends & Influence People”. Then at work, I admittedly was perusing the ACSM webpage, thinking about going ahead & officially signing up for the Certified Personal Trainer Workshop in late June when I suddenly became aware of an incredibly nervous feeling welling up inside me.

I have a BA in psychology & about 2 years formal training & 3 years experience with professional makeup art (I specialized in Special Effects). Though my parents helped me out with both of those endeavors, I know how much they cost & from here on in, I’m responsible for my own education/job training-which is tough because I’m barely making ends meet as it is. All I have is a small savings going. A lot of questions started coming up like “what if this is yet another thing I’m going to pay for & not be able to make a living of?” or “What if I fail the exam?” or “is it really worth the cost of the books, workshop, test, & CPR certification? (close to $1000)”. Some fitness professionals make even less than I do now at my crappy office job. I figured I’d text Jon to try to get his opinion, but he wasn’t much help. When I told him the pass rate was 70%, he was like “oh, that’s not good.” & didn’t offer a single word of encouragement. Usually this wouldn’t matter since I’m pretty good at pumping myself back up & raising my own spirits, but for whatever reason…I just couldn’t then.

So I spent my 10-minute break crying on my walk & ever since then, I can’t seem to shake that nagging ‘about to cry’ feeling. I’m going to be 27 in December, & I know some people don’t develop successful careers until much later in life, but…I can’t help but feel like I’m falling way behind. Like I should have realized in college that I wanted to have a fitness career & gone for that instead of theatre, then English, & finally psychology (a pretty useless degree when it’s just a BA). I don’t like my job anymore. It was nice at first when I realized how much I was getting paid to do the relatively easy task of organizing exhibits for a medical bracing company, but I’m bored now. It has absolutely nothing to do with what I want to do with my life & I’ve been here for about a year & ½. I don’t have any really good friends at work since Jonny left & I’m constantly watching the clock. Not to mention that the daily 2 hours on the road driving to & from are really starting to get to me…and my wallet. Gas is nuts in NJ right now. I’ve looked for other jobs closer to where I live right now, but none even come close to what I get paid here. I guess seeing Jon making so much at a job he likes & is good at makes me jealous. He gets to set his own schedule & though some days he works more than 12 hours at a time, some days like today he just gets to stay home & do whatever.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m going to go to Michael’s on lunch to try to find a mother’s day present for my mom & see if I can take my mind off things. I don’t want to miss an opportunity because I’m scared of failing, but I also don’t want to waste my money if I don’t have to. I’m considering continuing my studies & thinking about it a bit longer. In a perfect world, I’d get a part-time job & go back to school, but it looks like I’m passed that point in my life now that I’m paying for my own gas, groceries, & rent. Jon suggested I start doing makeup for weddings on the weekends to save up some extra money, but to be honest…I hate doing makeup for weddings. LOL. The brides are usually crazy & almost impossible to please & I really only do it for close friends anymore. We’ll see. I think I just need time to think. Wish I could go home & work out. Haha.

Sorry for the vent. I hate being in my mid-20’s. lol. Everything’s so confusing.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I know you posted this a while ago...I was on a brain vacation so just getting back to things, and I had to comment cause I know exactly how you feel!! I'm 27 too, have a good job, but am not satisfied at well and decided to go back to school last August. I had to take out student loans, but I think it was worth it.

    Also, If it makes you feel any better, the exam I sit for in August (for Immunohematology) only has a 40% pass rate!! I get nervous/freakout/wanna hurl just thinking about it.

    I think if you are already planning/looking at the exam that you will do just fine. Focus less on the money and more on the end result: doing something you will love!!

    I feel your panicky/about to cry to feeling!!! ME TOO!! Keep your head up, if it is really important to you, I think it will work itself out.
    2201 days ago
    it could work out for you, if its really what you are passionate about. its only a grand, and without the obligation of a husband and kids to keep you from it you should just go for it. you are still young, you can do whatever you like with your life. that commute sounds like torture! i would not be able to deal emoticon keep your chin up kid!
    btw, men can be completely self absorbed, I wouldnt take it personal
    2205 days ago
    Hope that you are feeling better now. Life is constantly changing, and I think a growing number of people will have multiple careers. Since you enjoy studying the material, it will probably be even more enjoyable if you are not pressuring yourself with a deadline. You are a terrific person and I really believe that everything will work out for you in the end.
    2206 days ago
  • GAL7288
    glad you are better! That was a really confusing dilemma but it looks like you figured out a good solution. Being in your twenties, thirties, forties etc is really confusing and I know what yo mean about working somewhere you don't like anymore, im 27 and also working at a place that I don't really like anymore. But I guess like you, I will figure something out!
    2206 days ago
    Update - Feeling a little better. Still something akin to a breakup with an exciting prospect, but just because I don't take the workshop & test this summer doesn't mean I never will. I just need to think & it will give me time to save up. Still going to keep up the studying in the meantime. It might at least be worth putting off until I feel more comfortable with the subject matter & maybe I can look into taking some online college courses first. We'll see.
    2206 days ago
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