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It's GOOD to be on the LOSING side!

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

After years of hopelessness about my weight, I lost 60 pounds in 2011. Then life got crazy toward the end of 2011 and the first couple of months of 2012. I gained back 35 pounds in a few months all the while fighting this huge battle with myself. It felt like I was on a train going a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction and it seemed almost impossible to turn the train around. It seemed my body was against me and just wanted to gain back the weight I had worked so hard to lose. I wasn't helping either. I was ignoring my spark page, stopped all exercise, stopped following my own eating rules that I knew worked. I was eating compulsively and late at night. I was allowing my cravings to be in control of my actions. I developed a longing for chocolate... It was really crazy and I felt totally out of control. I would intermittently try to eat right but it was a losing battle. I went to the YMCA about once a month. Then in March I hit my breaking point after returning from vacation. I felt awful all over and I was retaining fluids and I just knew I had to get back on track. Since vacation I have lost around 13 pounds. My body seems to be fighting the changes. I have been swimming three times per week. I have cut back on carbs and sugars. Increased my protein and leafy veggies. But honestly it has been so hard. The cravings are STRONG. I am hoping by the end of the week my cravings will have diminished. Praying for God's strength. Praying I will crave HIM not food. Love HIM more than food. Get my needs met in HIM not food. But in the moment of temptation, it is difficult. I have to remember that the taste of the food in my mouth is only a temporary pleasure that ultimately does not satisfy (try telling that to my tongue at that moment!) Folks it really is an addiction for me... I have lost 1 pound in the last week. In the last couple of days I have noticed my jeans are looser again. My face feels different. Though the scales are not reflecting my weight loss as much as i would like, my body is changing again. That is something I have missed. I have experienced that so rarely in my life -- feeling thinner. Feeling lighter, feeling more energy, feeling healthier. Ive seen this on Spark and I know it to be true that NOTHING tastes as good as being thinner FEELS. So as the title says, It's GOOD to be on the LOSING side again. It just feels better all over!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    3190 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6851971
    I just popped in to visit in hopes to find out how you're doing when I saw in your feed that you'd lost another pound. I discovered this blod I had missed, I am smiling a HUGE smile for you knowing that you're winning this battle that you were talking about in your blog.
    You're on the winning side, yes, you're on the winning side.
    Victory is yours. Accept it all of it.

    emoticon work on your weight loss!

    EDIT: Okay the "On the 'winning side'" was a song that got stuck in my head, I wasn't trying to be onry. We can change the words to fit the blog and it'd rock... emoticon emoticon

    emoticon emoticon
    3190 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/6/2012 1:29:43 PM
  • no profile photo CD11253612
    Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like my journey. For me it has been a battle with an addiction. I pray that your journey goes smoothly.
    3211 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3213 days ago
  • PSALM34V7
    It is such a hard thing to get the right habits because we are fighting ourselves and a lot of our survival instinct too. I'm with you, though my wild eating etc has only been for the last little bit. I woke up this morning and decided to grab the bull by the horns. You're very strong to be able to express the battle so clearly. You can do this!!
    3218 days ago
    just to start, you are beautiful!

    and GO YOU!

    It is great to be a loser for once :))

    I have lost then gained plus some a few times, gaining back the weight is hard on the heart, (and I dont mean physically) but losing does feel great all over!

    if you are craving chocolate have you tried the philly choc cream cheese? I dont know how your will power is, so may not be a good idea depending, but I know I have a tub of it in the fridge, has about the same calories as peanut butter per 2 Tbs, but I will eat like a teaspoon of it when I am just really wanting chocolate so bad I cant stand it... It has helped me a lot.

    Grats on the 13 pound loss, and good luck in your journey!
    3219 days ago
    3219 days ago
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