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College Reunion Weekend

Sunday, May 06, 2012

So I didn't watch what I ate this weekend at all. And I don't regret a moment of it. I was with the people I love doing the things we loved to do when we were in college. And yes, that was when I was at my heaviest... until now. I had lost the weight after I graduated and put it back on two years later on my own. I do not regret ANY food (or drinking) decisions I made this weekend. Specifically.

It's the pictures that are killing me. I look so heavy in so many of the pictures. And that is not something that could have been helped by eating healthy this weekend alone. But looking at all these pictures makes me realize I hate the way I look right now, even if I've learned since college to not squeeze into the smaller clothes, but I will look thinner if I wear clothes that are made for my size. Regardless... I can't even look at these pictures and think to myself "OMG look at my rolls, why am I dressed like a slob?" Instead I have to look at these pictures and realize that I look like a well and appropriately dressed fat person. And I don't want to be a well and appropriately dressed fat person. I want to look like a well dressed person. Tomorrow will be the first day I begin to measure everything. At the next reunion, I want to look at my pictures and smile with confidence, not cringe every time I was snapped at an awkward and unflattering angle.

Other than that, I'm seriously depressed the weekend is over. I missed everyone so much and this was the greatest weekend I've had in a long while.
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