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A Mother's Aching Heart

Friday, May 04, 2012

Yesterday I went to the doctor office with my daughter. Of course, they had her get on the scale and it read 291 pounds. My heart sank like a ton of bricks to see that my young adult weighs more than I do. I immediately felt like the worst parent in the world. The silent tearing began to flow. I just wanted to crawl into a shell and be put away I'm hurting so, bad. It's like a time travel and I'm going to see her struggle with weight like I've been doing all my life. I'm always talking to her about healthy choices and exercising, having her checking out some of my amazing sparkfriends transformations in hope that it will inspire her, but as much as I want to drag her out to workout with me. I can't make her do it. Not only that she is foots steps away from diabetes and high cholesterol problems. The physician was very nice and inform her of all the risk factors and prevention. Her also, told her about a new problem that the office is having to help kids and young adolescence's with obesity. I truly hope that she takes advantage of this opportunity. The doctor told me not to preach anymore about her weight, because she has to be the one to decide to make that change. Boy, do I know this all to well, because you can hear about until someone is blue in the face, but it not going to happen until you are truly ready to make that change. I just pray that she decides sooner than later. I will be attending a health conference next week and I will be sharing the information with her and, I will continue to hold her tightly and tell her I love her several times a day. I just wish I had adapted healthy habits when she was younger, so she wouldn't have the same problem.
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  • CROWLEY123
    I feel you pain, and can tell that you feel for your young daughter. My son, a developmentally delayed adult, also has weight issues. Try as hard as I may, I can only influence him to make good choices and know his options... It is that old adage about leading a horse to water.
    Stick with your healthy lifestyle, lead her by being a good example, and make sure you love yourself as much as you love her, so she will love herself no matter what.
    Good luck. emoticon emoticon
    2182 days ago
    The love you have for your daughter is undeniable. Keep showering her with encouragement and continue to lead by really is contagious. Prayerfully, she will change her ways soon, because the silent killers do not deserve to knock on her door.
    2182 days ago
    Sometimes we just need to come to terms with ourselves and nothing else will change things. Maybe it would help to go to counseling - not necessarily for her but for yourself to help you deal with your guilt and to get advice on how to best help your daughter. I wish you and your daughter all the best.
    2182 days ago
  • DRB13_1
    Bless you for the love you obviously have for your child.
    one day at a time, one decision at a time...
    keep the healthy foods in the house, prepare meals together, and start making a daily walk part of life.
    There's always hope.
    2182 days ago
    It is heartbreaking but all you can do is show by example and continue with your own good healthy habits.. Clear out the pantry of foods that are part of the problem and prepare meals that are healthy. You can control the food in your home and somewhat outside the home, assuming you control the purse strings. Set up a walking program that she will be able to participate and other activities she enjoys. When traveling pack healthy meals. Stay away from all fast foods, unless it is Subway where the calories can be controlled better.
    Good luck to you and your daughter.
    2182 days ago
    Definitely don't preach to her. I grew up in a home where my Mom constantly preached at me about my weight and my eating habits, and then about my ill-fitting clothes because of my size. She would offer to buy me new clothes if I'd just loose weight.

    I grew to resent her and her preaching to me. To the point I would eat just because it's the one thing I could do to really rebell against her.

    I had to come to that point in my life, where I realized no one but me got me to this weight and no one but me can get me to a healthy weight. My mommy can't hold my hand and guide me through this life change, I'd just end up hating her for it. Plus my Mom and I are two different people, what works for her may not work for me and vise versa.

    Try leading her by example for a while instead of hand feeding her information. Like when you are going for a walk invite her to join ya, but let it be her choice to go or not. Or if you are grabbing an apple instead of chips for a snack, ask her if she'd like one, but again let it be her choice. Let her see how your healthy choices are making you more positive, more active, and more happy.
    2182 days ago
    Even if you had adopted healthy habits when she was younger that is no guarantee that she wouldn't have struggled with weight. Don't waste time with the "if only I had" thoughts. It's not productive. You are doing what needs to be done now and she can make her own choices. You are making changes for the future so celebrate what you are doing now and forgive yourself for the past.
    2182 days ago
  • SHERR513
    My heart goes out to you! Growing up with weight issues was one of my problems to and when you see your children go through it you want to make a change. I Have 4 sons who saw me making a change in my eating habits and they started doing the same they saw the change without me saying a thing. But its not the easy for everyone you are setting a good example for your daughter just hold on and stay strong and continue to be there for her!
    2182 days ago
    The doctor is right about not preaching to her. You can't want it FOR someone. They have to want it for themselves. Hopefully it will just "click" in her sometime soon and she'll find her own Spark. In the mean time, worry about the aspects of her life you CAN control. Be careful about what foods you keep in the house. Make sure you're serving her healthy dinners and providing her healthy options for breakfast and lunch. Set an example by being active. Maybe try planning some family activities that will get her up and moving. All you can do is YOUR best and hope she follows your example.
    2182 days ago
  • SUSANS706
    Oh, I am walking in these shoes right now, and have for awhile. I have two daughters that are now in their 20's that both weigh far more than I have ever weighed in my life (including pregnancies). My heart breaks, and I pray daily that they will set their minds to doing something about it. I worry about their health, and try not to preach (but I always tried not to preach). I know I can not do it for them, I am finally doing it for myself!!!! Today's fast food/junk food/soda environment does not help at all. I have realized I just need to care for myself, and like I said before, pray they realize the same thing, before it does affect their health!!!
    2182 days ago
    It's hard watching this happen to our children - my youngest, which was also my smallest baby, is now my biggest child. He's tall (6'2") but he has his father's build (BIG) and quite honestly, I had a lot to do with his eating habits - since I made a lot of fried foots when the kids were growing up.

    She'll make the right decision for her ... hang in there mom it gets better.
    2182 days ago
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