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Random Thoughts

Thursday, May 03, 2012

So. I've made it half way. 30 lbs lost (and a bit). Its been interesting, since I started in January. I'm eating better, much better, than before. Eating less. Getting fuller, and feeling fuller longer, despite eating less. I haven't had a 'ravenous' day in a long, long time, where no matter what I ate or how much, I just never felt full. I'm cooking more at home, bringing my lunch more often (and not just frozen dinners, but actual home-cooked stuff). Eating better when I'm out. I found that a plate full of fried food makes me feel ill, not happy.

I had to buy new pants for work. Size 16, which is start-of-university sizing. High school sizing. I've been an 18-20 forever (and was creeping ever so slowly towards dropping that 18 in favour of adding a 22). Found out that Petite cut pants fit my legs better - no pouching in the front, no puddles of fabric around my ankles. For a 5'7" woman, that was a revelation. I do have a long torso - its not just the fat belly that makes fitting tops so difficult. I still have that fat belly. I've lost a few inches, but its still bigger than my boobs, which have also shrunk. So I still look pregnant. I want that belly gone, I hate it so much. That hate keeps me motivated, though, to do those ab and core pilates moves that exhaust me so badly.

I'm exercising so much more than ever before. A few months ago, when I started, I would have happily gone for a walk, and tired myself out, but the thought of any aerobics or strength training would have earned the suggestor a disdainful look. This morning I did a half hours worth of exercise videos, and I'm planning on a minimum 30 minute walk tonight (probably longer; I usually end up going longer, 40, 50, or 60 minutes is pretty common now). Tomorrow I want to go swimming, but I probably won't. Its that time of the month. I'm going to miss it, but maybe I'll do a dance video instead. The idea of exercising makes me feel good, I anticipate it now.

The biggest shift, however, seems to be attitude. I remember a year or so again someone asked if I'd lost weight. I hadn't, and told them so - and I said "I'm not the kind of person who loses weight. I only gain weight".

Well. Now I am the kind of person who loses weight. People at work have noticed. Friends and family have noticed. I've been surrounded by support and encourgement - I can't give up now for myself or for them.

I've got 30 more lbs to go before I hit my 'goal' of 160, just at the top of the healthy range. That will make me lighter than ever before as an adult, and its a weight I'm pretty sure I can maintain. I know I can do it. I may slow down a bit, I may hit some plateaus, I may even gain a little bit back before I lose it for good, but I can do it. I'm worth it.
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