day 1 - unsure

Thursday, May 03, 2012

today i have decide to turn my life around. i want to lose 60 pounds and regain the happiness in my life. i have always been over weight and had mild depression but in the past couple months it seems like the weight is just packing on. it is very alarming because 3 months before my wedding in october i was given some bad news by my doctor. My triglycerides were at 1600(150 is the normal) and i was pre diabetic. i went on a very strict diet and was doing very well until i had to have surgery to have a rather large cyst(17cm) remove from my ovary in september. the sudden hormone changes from having it removed and the stress of planning the final details of the wedding sent me into a spiraling depression. i didn't care what i ate or how it affected my health. This has gone on for months and it would have gone on longer if it hadn't been for my best friend. we were talking yesterday morning and we both decided that we needed to get healthy and be more active(not the first time we've had this talk) but by the afternoon i found that my energy was all gone even though i had done nothing but sit on the couch and watch tv. ill i wanted to do was sleep. my friend came up to me and tried to get me to wake up but i just pretended i was fast asleep. she told me that she was tired of me asking for help and then having me ignore the help she tries to give. her disappointment kind of opened my eyes to the fact that my weight and depression not only affects me but also the people who love me. so i have decided to do this not only for myself but also for my family. i am sure i will probably be a challenge to get over my depression and find the motivation to exercise and lose all the weight but i am determined to do so because if i don't i may very well kill me
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