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Pretty irritated and need to vent...

Monday, April 30, 2012

This is not how I intended on starting my week. I am pretty irritated this morning, and I need to vent somewhere. If no one ever reads this, that's fine. I just need to get it out. My step-son's mother is UNREAL. I am so tired of her childish games. Yesterday was my husband's birthday, and she texted both of my boys, saying, "Tell Dad his FIRST wife says Happy BIrthday." Followed by another message saying, "HAHA Tina will be PISSED!"... UMM!!! Really? HOW OLD ARE YOU? It is really irritating that she continues to try and drag the kids into her drama. I don't really care what she says about me, what she thinks of me, or about her petty games. It upsets me because she refuses to leave the kids out of it. These boys are MY boys. I have raised them since they were little, and she has been pretty much nonexistent in their lives. She ONLY sees them when she has to, for holiday and birthdays and never takes them just because. They live with my husband and I full time, and they have even told me numerous times that she is a crappy mother and they wish that I was their biological mother. I would adopt them in a heart beat, if she would give up her rights, but she won't do that. Only to spite me, nothing to do with them. I am even angrier that her rude twisted comments got under my skin. Not because of her trying to "piss" me off, but because she continues to try and drive a wedge between me and my boys. I am so sick of her jealous, vindictive and juvenile attitude. GROW UP.

She may be the first wife, but I am certainly the better mother.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Tina - I am so sorry you're having to go through this. I'm also in a situation where I have to deal with his current wife, I'm the ex wife, and she was a TERRIBLE mother with her own children, and now she has a hand in raising mine. My 10 yr old is bipolar and has ODD, and she had the nerve to call him "retarded" in the middle of one of his meltdowns, and his father defended her. It's just one thing after another. But I'm the bigger person, I'm always polite to her. Well, until she does something like that, in which case she hadn't seen me angry until then when I got the lawyers on the phone. It's just an ugly scenario all the way around. I try to keep my kids out of it as much as I can, and thankfully they don't see a lot of the behind the scenes arguing. I feel for you. YOU stepped up and took over the job as MOTHER to children that you didn't give birth to. YOU raise them, YOU feed and clothe them, YOU support them, YOU are there for everything they need. They are going to remember this as they get older - that YOU were the one always there, not their biological egg donor. :) Keep your chin up. I think you're amazing!!! emoticon emoticon

    Don't forget - we sweat GLITTER!!! You got this!
    2177 days ago
    I hope you are feeling better about this now that a few days have passed. The thing to remember is that "she" is the one on the outside looking in. Her barbs are weak attempts to penetrate your family circle and by moving forward and being your beautiful self they fall short of the mark and only litter up HER world.

    Keep loving those boys. Keep supporting your husband. Keep being you! What she says and does only speaks about HER.

    Hang in there - hugs!
    2177 days ago
    Hi Tina, as a step-parent in a similar situation to yours (both children chose to live with my partner and I rather than stay with their biological mother) I can really empathise with your situation. I think you are right to vent and get this off your chest, because I don't know about you but sometimes rising above it and staying unruffled in front of the children has led me to private emotional eating (stuffing down the emotions!) - even though I didn't always make the connection at the time!
    Hope your hubby had a great birthday & you sound like a fab mum to the boys emoticon emoticon
    2179 days ago
  • --MAY--
    Just think of the lesson that you are teaching your Boys. How to get along with anybody!! Good for you!
    Just glad you have a place to vent i have learned that writing things down even if no one reads helps!!
    2180 days ago
  • E11TEENA
    Thank you, everyone, for your words of support. I have had the boys under my care for quite some time, and am used to her antics. They have been divorced for almost ten years, and I have been caring for the boys for just about nine years. She has been constantly trying to turn them against me, for the longest time. It does get under my skin, but I will not let her know that. I had a talk with my boys this afternoon, and they even were saying how immature her actions were. That if she wanted to wish my husband a Happy Birthday, then she should have been mature about it, and sent him a message herself. They know that she was trying to get to me, and both of them simply ignored her text message. I didn't let them see that I was upset at all, I just shrugged it off and laughed about it. That way, if she inquires about my reaction, they will tell her I just laughed at her. It really makes me feel good to know that they have my back irregardless of her actions. I love my two boys :)

    I have taken all of your kind words into thought, and have realized that she is just a desperate woman vying for attention. It is not worth my time or concern, and thank you to ALL of you for helping me realize this, AND get over it. I will NOT let this ruin my day :) You all made me smile and focus on what's good. My relationship with my boys will not falter, no matter how stupid and idiotic she wants to act.
    2181 days ago
    I'm going through a very difficult time in that area as well. Good luck. you're in a crappy situation... and you can't let anyone know how mad it gets you.
    2181 days ago
    What a shame - you should be proud of all you have done for "your" boys. I am sure that they know it and will always remember it. Don't let the ex get under your skin - it will eat you alive.
    2181 days ago
  • SUZIEW27
    Oh Tina, I know that's a horrible way to start your week (and especially around something you were really wanting to celebrate)! You are a wonderful mother and wife and I know your DH and boys love you!!! emoticon
    2181 days ago
    It is sad when another person uses children to hurt someone else. She is the loser. The kids know it hurts you. The less you say or do about it, the less power you give her and the less it will hurt.

    You have to give someone else power and neither you or the children deserve to be hurt. Next time she does something to hurt you, acknowledge it so the kids know you heard and totally ignore it. Not giving her power really shows the kids how to deal with her hurtful behaviors. And you will hurt less.

    Hope your day got better.
    2181 days ago
    emoticon I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, Tina. Her behavior is definitely childish and it's really too bad she doesn't give up legal rights so you could have legal custody. You are a better mother than she ever was.
    2181 days ago
    *hugs* That is one of the most ridiculous and immature things I have ever heard of an ex to do! You definitely deserve the right to vent and shame on her for bringing her childish drama on to her kids. You have every right to say you are truly those boys mother..for a mother looks out for her kids, and doesn't do the crud she has!
    2181 days ago
    You're the better mother, the better person, and you're the better wife. It's ok to vent, and to be annoyed by that kind of garbage. I know it'd get to me the same way. I'm glad you're taking it with dignity though. She's probably trying very very hard to upset you because she's...well...an idiot really, but it's getting under HER skin that she gets no reaction. Let her stew in it while you go bask in awesome. emoticon
    2181 days ago
  • AIMS130
    Tina, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! You ARE the better person and I hope you don't let her bring you down! Your husband and the boys love you to pieces! emoticon
    2181 days ago
    I understand your need to vent but what she is doing is trying to get a reaction out of you and she seems to be suceeding. Your boys know the truth, trust them to remember everything that has been done for them by you and to them by their mother. The best thing you can do is to outwardly laugh it off. Word of that would get back to her and tick her off even more.

    Meanwhile, take care of yourself. Let the stress go, you can't dictate what she can do but you can control your own actions. Have a very healthy eating day, pour your frustrations into exercise and use it to intensify your workouts. In the end, you'll feel better all around!
    2181 days ago
    Your last sentence sums it up perfectly. I hope things get better for you. Remember she is the one who looks desperate and lonely and she certainly isn't gonna score approval points from the children with her childish tactics. Just keep reminding yourself that you are the bigger and better person. It's ok for her to get under your skin but try and take the high road and not let the kids see it bother you. Sometimes the best reaction is nothing at all don't give her the joy of seeing you drug down to her level. She may just be upset because she lost your husband. Jealous people do stupid things. And never forget that you have everything she wants and lost. That in itself should be ultimate satisfaction.
    2181 days ago
  • ADELLE1024
    Wow that is so immature. That is horrible that she brings the kids into it, but it must be reassuring that they are not on her side. Don't let this tarnish your week. Meditation helps me when I get stressed.
    2181 days ago
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