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Goals, struggle and staying true to myself

Monday, April 23, 2012

Dear Sparkies,

I am struggling! I met with my trainer yesterday and all the results are there. I managed to maintain my weight and measurements even though I have been feeling drifting away from my usual discipline with food. I find myself giving in to my cravings too often; finding it difficult to stay away from sweets.

The truth is I am not happy with myself at all! It seems like there is nothing to bring me back to some satisfaction about my general behaviours.

I have to admit that I eat healthy and clean most of the time.
I mean by that: every single meal, every day, every week and on the week-end.

I also admit that I train several times per week: running, dancing, strenght training and now scuba diving. As soon as the weather heats up a bit, I will be biking to work.

I usually get at least 8 hours of sleep. I drink little wine or any other alcohol.
I don't smoke.

So where is the problem you might ask?

I feel frustrated because I can't seem to shed some extra pounds of fat to gain more muscle definition.

I feel frustrated because I take so many steps to reach my goals and I sabotage by rewarding myself with unhealthy treats: chocolate, chocolate covered almonds, chocolate chip cookies, anything chocolate!

Sweet is my reward. But lately my body has been signaling that it does not want sugar treats anymore. Coffee has been going the same way too.

Yet, it is my reward. I try it not to be but that is the way it is.

In this moment, I find it difficult to celebrate my successes as they are overshadowed by what I have not yet achieved.

Yet I have so much to be gratefull for: very good health, an athletic body and great ability to get into all kinds of physical activities, no injuries, no pain, nothing but a little stiffness due to lack of stretching. I am not even getting into other blessings: family, friends, a rewarding job, and so on.

I have high expectations and the bar is so far up it is hard to reach!
Impossible to reach. I am trying to control myself rather than taking care of myself.

I am feeling off, thats all. This feeling is not new to me, from time to time I go there and it helps me remember why I am making healthy choices in the first place.

I still want to improve my figure. I need to find a more balanced way to get there.

Thank you for your support. I really need it and it means so much to me. Namaste!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    you arer being very hard on yourself. you are asking a lot then feel poor because you don't achieve what you set out to. Then you eat.... viscious circle. focus on your success it should help a lot!
    2192 days ago
    You and I are like two peas in a pod! I love chocolate too and I find the closer I am to my goals the easier it is to give myself permission for more leeway where my diet is concerned and workouts too for that matter. I skipped out on my workouts on Friday AND Saturday. I just didn't feel like it. But you know what? I'm also going through a difficult period. My hormones were all over the map last week which was the reason I cut myself some slack and took an unplanned two days off from fitness and a few extra chocolates left over from Easter.

    I'm not trying to sabotage myself. I know that I am in a better place with my health than before, but I also know that I can't be perfect all of the time. We all logically know this, yet we seem to want to achieve perfection anyway. I'm tired of trying to achieve perfection.

    We struggle but we don't have to struggle. The struggle comes from attaching ourselves to an ideal. Let go of the ideal and we gain the freedom to progress without the doing the impossible - being "perfect."

    Can we even really pinpoint what perfection is? It's an opinion. It's a judgement. It's ever-changing. It's an illusion.

    2193 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/23/2012 10:29:33 PM
    With your drive, determination and positive mental attitude you are already a success. Stay disciplined my friend, Spark On! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2193 days ago
    I believe that you are on the right track. You just need a little fine tuning. Where ever that may be. Don't bash your self for the small stuff. Your doing great ! emoticon emoticon
    2193 days ago
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