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tired of writing sad blogs......

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Hopefully this will be the last of sad blogs. I just read my last blog from February. Things have gone from bad to worse.

Since I wrote that blog I had an infection in my eye. It was so bad I was hooked up to an IV for a week. The swelling went down only to reveal I had shingles in my eye. On the medication for that for 3 days and had to meet my mom in the hospital. A day later she passed away in my arms.

Dad wanted a private funeral. I did what he wanted. Truth is I wanted to see mom's friends and family to hear their stories of mom. I feel cheated out of the whole reason we have funerals.

It has been a few weeks since mom has been gone. I was hoping that my life would get back to normal. I can't see that happening soon. There is always going to be obstacles in life. Most of the time I welcome a challenge. This time life got me down. I thought I had beat my "eat it to feel better" habit. Apparently not.

Not only have I been sick and mom passing I am up in weight I am 215lbs. I had gotten down to 185 just before Christmas. So that is 30 lbs UP in 3 months.

I keep saying that I will never be the fat girl again. I don't want to be. I know what to do. I have all the tools, I have my spark friends. What I don't have is the drive. My get up and go just got up and left.

Blah, blah blah woe is me. My life sounds like a country and western song. This is where I am suppose type in I am ready willing and able to get back on track. This is where I promise myself that this will never happen again. I never make promises that I can't keep. So what I am promising myself is that I will not lie to me. I will take full responsibility of all my actions. I will not make up excuses for eating that bowl (I mean tub) of ice cream. It will not be because it will make me feel better.

My mom 20 years ago. Of all the photo's of mom, this one truly represents her personally the best.

Ruby Helen Fudge
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Ruby Helen Fudge is BEAUTIFUL!!!! Thanks for sharing her with us.
    I'm sorry you had such a bad eye infection...shingles! WTF! My Dr. keeps telling me to get that shot but it's $200! I hope you got yours now. It's ok your dad wanted it private. You have all the memories and he probably just couldn't do it. And your weight gain, TOTALLY normal in the grieving process. You'll get down again and there's no race to get there. Take care of the inner you. My heart breaks for you and your family.
    Patti emoticon
    2244 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2247 days ago
    Oh, honey, I'm so very sorry for your loss. *hugs* You are in my prayers and thoughts, always. Sending love to you across the miles, too many blasted miles.
    2247 days ago
    Hi Jo. I want you to know that I care about you. I have lost mom when I was 43, dad when I was 42 and my son when I was 62. Loss of a loved one is never easy.
    Looking at that picture of your mom shows she loved life and adventure and now she is on an adventure that we will all take one day.. She will prepare her and your new home. SHe will be waiting to greet you. The greatest thing is that she will never trully leave you. The memories come running back at unusal times, and wonderful ways. The good memories will bring laughter and tears; the sad ones peace and teacs. Those memories will all comfort you.
    By all means have a gathering of friends and share all that you all need too. Her closest friends need to express feelinggs too.
    Remember she will watch over you always and that she will somehow send messages to comfort you when you need them.
    2247 days ago
    I'm sorry for your loss. you're just having a hard time in your life. mourn as long as you need to and don't repress any feeling. there is no golden rule that we have to be happy all the time. or perfect . sounds like a good idea to me too if you need it. send your father away if it's too much for him .and don't give up on yourself and don't give up hope. it will pass. better times will come, maybe sooner than you think.
    emoticon kori
    2247 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/22/2012 4:43:08 AM
    Jo, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.

    You can write a sad blog whenever you feel you need to. That's what friends are for. We are hear when you need us to listen.

    I think LARKSONGRUTH has a great idea there. You can have some sort of gathering on your own. I think it's really important to be able to share your memories and hear other people's stories about your mom.
    2247 days ago
    You might consider hosting some sort of a get together to commemorate your mother's life. Invite some of her closest friends and family. That way your father won't be overwhelmed with that, but you and they will have a chance to celebrate your mother's life.
    2247 days ago
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