The story of the red dress and why I've been hesitant to post.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
So, this blog is an example of how I think life generally is. Full of wonderful and good things, and then just enough yuck to keep you grateful for the good.
I'll start with the good. Years ago, I bought a dress. I was pretty fit at the time, but thought I might lose a little more, so I got this adorable red dress that was just a WEE bit too tight. I never wore it. Not once. It hung in my closet, and I wouldn't give it away, but I couldn't wear it in public. Every once in a while, I'd try it on, and be unhappy with it, then hang it back up.
Well, today I wore it. I wore the heck out of it. I taught in it, and got compliments, and felt doubly happy given that it means to me that I've finally gotten to the body shape that I have wanted for years. The fact that the scale has been annoying (REALLY annoying - as in moving up instead of down) ceases to be annoying when I have such an obvious measure of progress.
So, for the not so good now. My foot pain (remember, it was all swollen?) turns out to be because I apparently tore two tendons. They run from my second and third toes up. I can still work out, but only if I give it lots of support - if it hurts, I have to stop. Well, instead of taking this as great news, I got bummed out and didn't work out for a few days. I HURT! The massage I have to do HURTS. If I don't do it, I'll have to go to physical therapy. I have no idea how I did this, and I'm pretty much in pain all the time. Additionally (on a vain note) my foot looks disgusting, and it is sandal season. I can't get real shoes on, so it is all sandals all the time. A little bit of wallowing and a little bit of not being as effective in my life ensued.
Next, I got an email from one of my best friends. Her son (who is 10) was just diagnosed with a brain tumor. We've been freaking out together since Tuesday. She lives in the northeast, so I don't get to give her hugs, but I've been supportive from afar. The surgery was today. The sweet boy is still asleep, but the doctor thinks he got it all. It was the size of a lemon. They won't know whether it is cancer or not until next week.
This makes me realize how lucky I am to have an injury that WILL heal, and that vanity is so pathetic. I've been slightly deranged all week from this realization. I've not been cooking, I've not been packing lunches, I'm behind on all sorts of things, and I'm just generally displeased with the way I've reacted to all of this. Last night, I ate more chocolate in one sitting than I have allowed myself to eat for the past several weeks. It was sort of gross. Hilarious that I did that the very day I got an email from SP about emotional eating. (Extra hilarious because I said to myself "I don't really do that..." and then I did).
Overall, I'm doing ok, but I'm just not my usual self. I couldn't post when I was drowning in self pity. I had to wait for the "happy" that I knew must be around the bend. It was, in the form of the red dress, and now I am remembering all the good. My husband's birthday party is Saturday, tomorrow I should find out the results of the department chair election, and I did strength training today. I'm getting back to the me that makes me proud.
So, yeah, life is an amazing ride. I'm just glad that even though I don't always handle stress the way I'd like, I do have a lot of faith that things always go back to awesome.