The story of the red dress and why I've been hesitant to post.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

So, this blog is an example of how I think life generally is. Full of wonderful and good things, and then just enough yuck to keep you grateful for the good.

I'll start with the good. Years ago, I bought a dress. I was pretty fit at the time, but thought I might lose a little more, so I got this adorable red dress that was just a WEE bit too tight. I never wore it. Not once. It hung in my closet, and I wouldn't give it away, but I couldn't wear it in public. Every once in a while, I'd try it on, and be unhappy with it, then hang it back up.

Well, today I wore it. I wore the heck out of it. I taught in it, and got compliments, and felt doubly happy given that it means to me that I've finally gotten to the body shape that I have wanted for years. The fact that the scale has been annoying (REALLY annoying - as in moving up instead of down) ceases to be annoying when I have such an obvious measure of progress.

So, for the not so good now. My foot pain (remember, it was all swollen?) turns out to be because I apparently tore two tendons. They run from my second and third toes up. I can still work out, but only if I give it lots of support - if it hurts, I have to stop. Well, instead of taking this as great news, I got bummed out and didn't work out for a few days. I HURT! The massage I have to do HURTS. If I don't do it, I'll have to go to physical therapy. I have no idea how I did this, and I'm pretty much in pain all the time. Additionally (on a vain note) my foot looks disgusting, and it is sandal season. I can't get real shoes on, so it is all sandals all the time. A little bit of wallowing and a little bit of not being as effective in my life ensued.

Next, I got an email from one of my best friends. Her son (who is 10) was just diagnosed with a brain tumor. We've been freaking out together since Tuesday. She lives in the northeast, so I don't get to give her hugs, but I've been supportive from afar. The surgery was today. The sweet boy is still asleep, but the doctor thinks he got it all. It was the size of a lemon. They won't know whether it is cancer or not until next week.

This makes me realize how lucky I am to have an injury that WILL heal, and that vanity is so pathetic. I've been slightly deranged all week from this realization. I've not been cooking, I've not been packing lunches, I'm behind on all sorts of things, and I'm just generally displeased with the way I've reacted to all of this. Last night, I ate more chocolate in one sitting than I have allowed myself to eat for the past several weeks. It was sort of gross. Hilarious that I did that the very day I got an email from SP about emotional eating. (Extra hilarious because I said to myself "I don't really do that..." and then I did).

Overall, I'm doing ok, but I'm just not my usual self. I couldn't post when I was drowning in self pity. I had to wait for the "happy" that I knew must be around the bend. It was, in the form of the red dress, and now I am remembering all the good. My husband's birthday party is Saturday, tomorrow I should find out the results of the department chair election, and I did strength training today. I'm getting back to the me that makes me proud.

So, yeah, life is an amazing ride. I'm just glad that even though I don't always handle stress the way I'd like, I do have a lot of faith that things always go back to awesome.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow. I hope your friend's son heals and lives to see his grandchilden marry and give him great-grandchildren.

    Don't beat up on yourself. Life gets in the way and you have to roll with it. So you ate some extra chocolate. This time you recognized it for what it was and why.

    I also support pity-parties as long as they don't last too long and you move on. That's why we are here. To learn how to not let life stop us from living the life we want!
    2525 days ago
  • SHIRE33
    Great post. Thanks for the insight.

    2527 days ago
    You give me hope for the little black dress lurking in the back of my wardrobe? So pleased that you have been able to deal with so much and get back on track so quickly - best wishes to the little fellow and his family. Take care of the foot. Life really is a roller coaster.
    2527 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/20/2012 5:31:42 PM
  • YDAVIS23
    I hope your friend is in Boston - they have some amazing care here for kids in need. Unfortunate that he had to access it, but I am hopeful for his full recovery.

    I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who buys clothing on a whim even if the items are too small. Why did we torture ourselves like that for so long? Glad that it's finally fitting, but still, geeze, we all have our things. I'm sure you looked fabulous!

    Take care of that foot, missy, so you can come back at 100% soon.

    Sending healing energy from Boston for you and your friend!
    2527 days ago
  • no profile photo GARBLEDEEGOOK
    Take a deep breath emoticon
    Sometimes, it all seems to crumble on us.

    I'd recommend a good podiatrist you trust and a physical therapist that is certified in special foot manipulations; no too many have it. Next time I see mine I'll ask what it is called for you; you will heal 20x faster than regular foot PT! It's no cake walk and it's time consuming, but you'll be back on your feet faster.

    Hang in there.

    2527 days ago
    The news about foot is a bummer, but you're right... nothing like a brain tumor in an innocent young boy to remind us how fortunate we all are. Torn ligaments and all. (I have shoulder tendonitis that has plagued me for 7 months now, so I know your pain and frustration :(

    I hope the chair election has positive results, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

    I wouldn't worry to much that things came a little unraveled at the edges with all of the stress. Life, and it's fragility, should be unnerving at times. If it's not, then we're not paying attention. Hang in there and keep wearing that little red dress!
    2527 days ago
    I am with Sue, we need a picture! You go girl.

    Your foot, icky :( Time will hopefully heal it. In the meantime, try not to go completely bonkers, which I am not sure I'd be able to avoid. You do have an awesome outlook on it, which I think will help you avoid bonker-land.

    And yes, we converge yet again, but that also means we get back on track again :)

    Big hugs to you, your friend, her family and her little one. I cannot even imagine and freak out a little just thinking about it. I do hope they got it all and I do hope it is benign, I am sending positive healing vibes their way and hope for the best. She is lucky to have you, even if from a distance. Hug your girls, hang on tight and be ready for what happens next.

    2528 days ago
  • OPTIMIST1948
    Ever since becoming a parent, I have a completely different perspective on these "kid with cancer" stories. I'm more terrified and protective of my kid than ever, even when snapping at him because he is being a complete booger-head.

    Red dress of awesomeness. What an amazing non-scale victory. I have a dress like that. But its lime green with margaritas printed on it. I'm afraid it may have gone out of fashion.

    And the foot of freakishness. Well at least now you have a reason. Could you swim? I'm sure teh college has a pool...
    2528 days ago
    Sigh my dear. I am so sorry to hear about your friend's son. It's so hard and so scary, and I almost wept a few tears for you. Hugs to you and your friend and her son. I think life has was of teaching us things by throwing things at us. We can either figure it out, or dwell in self pity. You, girlie, are one of the few who made the connection! You really can't say it any way else: life is an amazing ride. Sometimes you just have to hang on tight enjoy the view at the top, and maybe scream a little on the way down. But just like on a roller coaster, you'll make it to the end safe and sound. Take what's going down (ha! Sorry, I've still got my bad humor.. even in serious situations!) in stride, and don't beat yourself up about falling down or speaking the injustices of the world through mouthfuls of chocolate.

    Now about that red dress. I happy danced my way around the room for you! Oh, I can totally picture it! You lecturing in a smokin' red dress (totally rocking it, of course!) with a swollen foot. You know what that says? Life might break me down, but damn it, I'm still going to wear a dress, and rock the world! You go girl!
    2528 days ago
    Great of you to be there for your friend, even though you have to give long distance hugs. It sounds weird, but 10 year olds do much much better when something like this happens to them than we do as adults. I hope it's benign.
    My little guy is 10. I'd be beside myself.

    I love your perspective. Life really is such a strange, amazing ride!

    May your foot come along quickly.
    2528 days ago
  • SUE5007
    Way to rock that red dress! (You should have taken a photo for us!)

    2528 days ago
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