Notes from Absurdia
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
If you had read my lastest blogs you know I am very poor for the moment. And have decided not to buy any food at all until payday and hope that the money I have on my account will be enough for gas until then.
Yesterday... I don´t want to tell the story because it involves some white embarrasing lies but as a conseqence of me doing the right thing although not with the right explanation I got an envelope with 450 sw cr (60 USD, 50 Euro) I decided to buy coffee, milk and butter and use the rest for gas. This contributtion will probbly make my plan until payday doable.
But because of my white lies involved people probably thought that I would give those money to the Red Cross or something - and I am not "good" enough to do this right now (I defend myself that I gave 600 sw cr to a childrens home in Moldavia recently without beeing rich) - I needed to tell somebody about this - remember I have decided that I can´t afford to solve my emotional problems on my own, I have to share and trust the right answers to come that way.
Cunningly I chose to tell a friend that I knew would say the right thing, the thing I wanted to hear... and she did and it is not the "perfect" action but I will have to accept that this is how far my conduct has come today...
Then I went to theatre rehearsal - had my hoops with me as I had thought we would have some time to practice together before the rehearsal started. The woman I practise with seemed to be out, but the other sister - the producer and also the owner of the buildings we use - was there and she wanted to talk to me. To tell me that the company has started to get more bookings, people are attending the events that they make so there is money coming in. And she wants to pay me to do some work - not the acting so far none of us get paid for that - but for some of the creative and communcating that I am very good at.
I am sort of stunned. It is very flattering that she wants my contribution, they are all very creative and skilled, I feel sort of clumsy and just happy for being regarded as one of the crew... and this is a hobby to me and hobbies are usually more expensive.
I´m not sure if I think it is a good idea to accept work and pay from that company, but I would accept travels expences, that would feel ok. I will talk about this for a while to see what ideas occur.
But I think it is funny to see that I am in an economic predicament - and money arrives! Not in big heaps, not to solve the problems but enough to keep me happy for today.
And I think that maybe this happens all the time although I do not notice it when I don´t need it as much as I do today.
On my way home I bought milk, coffee and ham (for my sandwiches) - forgot the butter BUT bought two rye breads that I had for late evening tea instead of dinner. A hundred swedish crowns... still need the butter but I don´t trust myself to go in a store with money without buying something more that I suddenly think ia a very good idea - extra vegetables, fruit or something that is ok healthy, but not in my budget. Solution - to only bring enough money for that butter...
I should also add that I had a lot of energy at the rehearsal - bubbling with a lot of creative ideas. I thank my honesty for having that released...