I had an eye opening experience the last couple of weeks. Actually, a few.
First of all, I'm not just an emotional eater. I am addicted to food. It is my drug of choice, and I admit it. If anyone has any sites/articles about this, I would love the input. I need help, and i want to conquer this!
Second, I can't use the scale. I knew this already, but didn't realize how much it affects me until recently. When I weighed in every day, my mood for the day was determined by the scale. So, I decided to hide the scale and only weigh in once a week.
Throughout the week I felt great! It was the first time in forever that I stuck to my food plan, tracked every day, and stuck with my workouts. I had so much energy, my clothes fit better, and I was happy for the first time in a long time. I was so excited to weigh in the following week!
I lost less than 1/2 a pound.
I explained to myself that I was feeling bloated that day, so it was probably water.
I told myself that I had built a lot of muscle that week.
I tried to convince myself that next week would reflect what I had done. Weight fluctuates. It's ok!
I didn't care. I was hurt, disappointed, and frustrated. All the treats I had passed up! My not ordering what I wanted at that restaurant to eat healthy was a waste! I had worked so hard, and I had nothing to show for it.
I know, but that's the thinking I was thinking.
All of last week I tried to lift myself out of it, but each evening I would eat way over my calorie limit, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I made myself stick with the workouts. I wasn't losing the strength I had gained. But the rest of the day I sat around or slept.
It was a depressing week. More than depressing.
Why was I letting such a little thing affect me? I knew what I had done right, and I had felt great. Why was I so dependent on that silly number??
Well, I still don't have the answers. I'm sure it is tied to some sort of self confidence problem/looking for outside affirmation/messed up psycho mumbo jumbo in my brain, but the reason doesn't matter for now. I'll figure it out eventually. What does matter is that I need to get rid of that scale.
Maybe I'm addicted to it too??
So, I'm thinking of just weighing in once a month. Or maybe not until my goal date. I will do everything right. I will eat healthy, stick with my workouts, and make my changes a part of my life instead of just a means to lowering that scale number. Whatever the scale says in the end, I will accept and be happy with. I know I will be healthier, and that is my ultimate goal anyway, right?
I have a lot of work to do, but like the little voice in my head said when I almost gave up during my run, "If it wasn't hard, you wouldn't be getting stronger." I want to be stronger. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well.
Getting rid of my addictions, I know, is a great first step!