GT2SMILE

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Confessions...

Monday, April 16, 2012

I had an eye opening experience the last couple of weeks. Actually, a few.

First of all, I'm not just an emotional eater. I am addicted to food. It is my drug of choice, and I admit it. If anyone has any sites/articles about this, I would love the input. I need help, and i want to conquer this!

Second, I can't use the scale. I knew this already, but didn't realize how much it affects me until recently. When I weighed in every day, my mood for the day was determined by the scale. So, I decided to hide the scale and only weigh in once a week.

Throughout the week I felt great! It was the first time in forever that I stuck to my food plan, tracked every day, and stuck with my workouts. I had so much energy, my clothes fit better, and I was happy for the first time in a long time. I was so excited to weigh in the following week!

I lost less than 1/2 a pound.

I explained to myself that I was feeling bloated that day, so it was probably water.
I told myself that I had built a lot of muscle that week.
I tried to convince myself that next week would reflect what I had done. Weight fluctuates. It's ok!

I didn't care. I was hurt, disappointed, and frustrated. All the treats I had passed up! My not ordering what I wanted at that restaurant to eat healthy was a waste! I had worked so hard, and I had nothing to show for it.

I know, but that's the thinking I was thinking.

All of last week I tried to lift myself out of it, but each evening I would eat way over my calorie limit, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I made myself stick with the workouts. I wasn't losing the strength I had gained. But the rest of the day I sat around or slept.

It was a depressing week. More than depressing.

Why was I letting such a little thing affect me? I knew what I had done right, and I had felt great. Why was I so dependent on that silly number??

Well, I still don't have the answers. I'm sure it is tied to some sort of self confidence problem/looking for outside affirmation/messed up psycho mumbo jumbo in my brain, but the reason doesn't matter for now. I'll figure it out eventually. What does matter is that I need to get rid of that scale.

Maybe I'm addicted to it too??

So, I'm thinking of just weighing in once a month. Or maybe not until my goal date. I will do everything right. I will eat healthy, stick with my workouts, and make my changes a part of my life instead of just a means to lowering that scale number. Whatever the scale says in the end, I will accept and be happy with. I know I will be healthier, and that is my ultimate goal anyway, right?

I have a lot of work to do, but like the little voice in my head said when I almost gave up during my run, "If it wasn't hard, you wouldn't be getting stronger." I want to be stronger. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well.

Getting rid of my addictions, I know, is a great first step!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CARMADAB
    I try to weigh in every 3 days and average out the month. My weigh-ins keep me reminded that I could be doing better and my goal is to have the end of the month number on the scale lower than the number at the beginning of the month.

    Don't be too hard on yourself because of a number that the scale assigned you. It isn't YOU any more than your SSN is. It is only a gauge to help you re-define your goals.
    2828 days ago
  • HEALTHYLIFER
    I agree that the scale can be evil and tends to have quite an emotional impact over our mood. I think outside indicators are so much better measures of our success. How do our clothes fit? How much better are we sleeping? Do we have more energy? Are we happier? Has our blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. levels improved?

    I like to remind myself also that no one knows what I weigh by looking at me...they can't tell that the scale went up 1.2 pounds that morning. When others look at me they see just me. They have no clue if I weigh 150 or 180 and they really don't care. If I am not ruled by the scale but by how I feel then I won't care either. I can go out into the world with a confidence that I am taking care of me and my health.
    2838 days ago
  • ZANNBEE
    I like the idea of weighing once a month. I weigh once a week, and I was up a pound this week, so I got out the measuring tape and I had actually lost inches all over my body. Are you measuring too.

    I think it might help to just say "as long as didn't go up it's a success" and celebrate each loss. Being disappointed at a small loss isn't helpful. Celebrate each loss no matter how small.

    Another thing that helps me is to know that weight loss is a byproduct--not the reason for being active. I need to exercise because my body needs it and it's good for me. When I'm active for the sake of being active, then physical activity and weight loss are separated. If I'm exercising to lose weight, then when the scale doesn't move, I lose motivation to exercise. This is wrong. If I fall in love with activity because of the way it makes me feel, then I will do it always--then if the scale moves, it's a bonus but not the reason for activity.

    Focus on the non scale victories.

    Hope this helps and you are doing great. This is a lifestyle and it will take time.

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    2838 days ago
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