To quote Snowflake "WTH?!?!?!?"

Sunday, April 15, 2012

If any of you have wondered where I have been, thank you :D It’s nice to feel missed. My life has much mirrored lyrics of the song “Firework” by Katy Perry.
I will run through some lyrics and explain how it’s reflected in my life:

“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?”

During the past couple weeks life has had many challenges, which I have no control over.
I was supposed to be doing some military training this week that was focusing on Operation (ie the things we do in Afghanistan). When I began to read the training package I read a part about vehicle convoys (traveling in groups of military vehicles). As many of you know I suffer from PTSD from my experiences in Afghanistan, my coping mechanism has primarily been avoidance, which has mostly worked thus far; however, when having to face specific situations (as this training package did) I had no choice but to relive some horrific memories. It was then that I realized that I would not be able to take part in this military training. Unfortunately it consists of some necessary training I require as a Police Officer. Police specific training does not bother me, it is the Operations training that triggers my memories. I addressed the issue with my chain of command (COC) and was met with some resistance; however, I know where my line is and my mental health is priority for me. I informed my COC of my intentions to address this with my Mental Health provider and would not likely be taking part in this training.

“Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards,
One blow from caving in?”

Upon my return for a Tim Hortons visit (yes, I am a Police Officer, lol) I was called into my Sergeants office and notified that I am Posted (ie. I will be working) to North Bay. This is approximately 3 hrs away from where I am currently employed. My family (Common Law husband, 2 biological children and one step child) all live with me and have a life separate from the military. I have only been here for 8 months and do not want to have to move my whole family again. Its not far enough that I will have to move my family; however, I will have to be away from then while I work (five days at a time) and home on my days off. Being away from my family is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, my children already suffer from separation anxiety because of me being in Afghanistan, so this is just another thing that the poor things have to face.

A child of a Serving Military member has more strength in her little Pinky then many grown men in their entire body...

“You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow”

I have my faith in God to pull me through; however, so much is going on I don’t even know what to pray for half of the time. I have to admit there was a time last week where I was in a very dark place, I spoke with Snowflake and she helped pull me through.
I can only look forward to the Rainbow, and Pray
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OH NOOO....3 hours away?!?!? My god, that seems alittle...vindictive of your supervisor!
    I'm so sorry. When is that supposed to take effect? Where would you stay for 5 days" Have to rent for those 5 days? Unfair. :(((( I'm so so sorry. Maybe something good will happen tfor the best to change it.
    2765 days ago
    emoticon Twilight, I feel for you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers and prayers of compassion for those in charge of you. emoticon
    2766 days ago
    Hugs my friend.
    You are a strong, determined woman/officer and I know you will make this work however you need it to be.
    Offering you my prayers and support to help you and your family through this tough time.

    2766 days ago
  • WINNIE1978
    I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. That stinks about the change of duty station and that you'll have to be away from your family for most of the week. I hope you can use Skype or something similar to stay in touch while you are away. emoticon
    2767 days ago
  • no profile photo CURVYELVIESAYS
    You are so amazing and strong. The song came alive for me in your blog. And may God keep blessing you always is my wish for you. Your a true hero and my hero. emoticon
    2767 days ago
    This song is perfect.
    I'm so glad it helped you with perspective. Especially that fact that "You CAN NOT be replaced."
    Seriously. Pam?!
    OH please, no. That's just mean.

    Oh, the feeling of paper thin and feeling like you're one blow from caving.
    He is faithful and He knows what He is doing.
    ..Light up the Sky ~ Firework!
    I hope you know how special you are to me (not, THAT kinda 'special')
    emoticon emoticon
    2767 days ago
    Oh Twy, I'm so sorry you and your family have to deal with this. Please know I'll be praying for you and your kids. Will you be able to video chat with them during the week? I know that's not the best substitute, I was just hoping you'd at least get to do that. Hang in there. I know you feel like a paper bag right now, but remember--you're a firework too.
    emoticon emoticon
    2767 days ago
  • I*AM*BLESSED sorry this is happening to you. My 2 sons suffer with PTSD after serving in Iraq, so I understand.

    Praying for you and your family. Oh and BTW, God WILL pull you through this!

    2767 days ago
    emoticon So sorry that you are having to go through this place right now. Praying that soon you will be out of the valley and on the mountain top. Prayers for your family as well. I know how hard being away from each other must be. And having lived through Dessert Storm with my ex I know how these things change families and lives. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2767 days ago
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