The hoarding/depression circle - a step

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Which came first? Hoarding or depression? Does it matter? Either way the chicken still has to decide whether to cross the road.

I've been in clutter free places and I feel anxious or maybe unsettled is more the word. Certainly not serene. Then I wonder if this anxiousness warps my path toward what I thought was serenity.

They say depression is anger turned inward. Sometimes it's simply a chemical imbalance. Sometimes it comes with being exhausted physically and or emotionally. Sometimes it comes from feeling overwhelmed and trapped by what feels like a never ending circle.

Of course that all goes for me. Often it is a daily battle just to get moving. My battle is not always winnable. Sometimes I just want to escape. That is when I tend to disappear into TV, my computer, some activity, or go on an acquisition spree, similar to a food binge. I either numb out or get a temporary jolt of excitement, followed by deeper depression. (Big SIGH)

My workable solution is what Carol (pomlady1) often reminds Hoarding - More Than Simple Clutter team members - Baby Steps
and perhaps the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

So far I haven't been very serene. I thought I had to be perfect to achieve serenity. That's where wisdom comes in - not perfection. And 'so far' does not have to be my forever.

I pray for the strength to take baby steps today, to be patient with my oopses when I am making an honest effort, and to let my tomorrows have a bit of serenity. Amen

Isn't this what Spring after Winter is all about?!

After emoticon comes emoticon followed by emoticon

Finally - I am on emoticon emoticon to the real emoticon Lynn emoticon
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  • ELISELA2011
    I had that same feeling about clutter free space at times, most strongly when I packed up most of my books and belongings ahead of time for a big move, I tried to pack everything that wasn't actually used daily and all the empty shelf space etc. kind of freaked me out, and that was unexpected! I think for me part of it was all the moving we did when I was a kid, spaces were only that empty and blank feeling when we were moving out, or just moved in. It didn't feel secure without my STUFF out! I'm glad I faced that feeling though, and let it pass and tried to grow from it. Now I keep the tops of furniture and first shelf in my living room bookcases more open and clear so the few decorations there are actually visible and enjoyed. I don't have to FILL all the space to claim it and be secure and now it's more room to LIVE in and I've grown to actually like that.
    2731 days ago
    I get depressed too. It is frustration with myself for not trying to do a little each day and then what was done, is messed up again or the laundry becomes Mt. Washmore.

    The only thing I don't do are acquisition sprees. Since I found that I could work on this a little bit each day, when something new comes into the house, two things have to go. I can usually find clothing with a stain it or will have a pair of shoes that are badly worn to get rid of. When I work, I get dirty. Most of my clothing is 6 years old or older and I have been pre-treating the item before washing it to keep it wearable. Due to age, sometimes they are getting threadbare. I can only wear one item at a time, so having things I don't wear, doesn't make sense.

    Just like exercise, we do a little every day.
    2737 days ago
    Lynn, I saw this quote today and it reminded me of you & your blog post.
    I probably don't have it exactly right, word for word,
    "Don't focus on what you harvested or did not harvest today, but the seeds that you have planted."
    You seem like a very caring and compassionate person, and have done alot for others.
    I bet you have planted a lot of seeds. Hey, look, you got me to throw away my junk, I mean, my collection of TP tubes. emoticon
    2740 days ago
    Thanks Lynn. All we can do is try. and when that doesn't work, try again.
    2741 days ago
    2741 days ago
    I am glad you posted this.

    Sometimes it is good to know we are not alone in this battle.

    I have been very slowly purging some of my "Stuff." When I can't stand to get rid of something, I put it aside and wait until a later time for it to go.

    I have donated things to Goodwill, given away things to friends and thrown away things. I know that this is a slow and very long process. But I will keep at it when I can.

    One of the best pieces of advice I received was from the "Organized Life" group leader in one of her posts. She said that things need a "Home." or a place in your home where they belong. This has helped me so much. If I can't find a home/place for my stuff, then it needs to go.

    Do take those baby steps, it is a lot less stressful that way.

    Blessings to you.

    2741 days ago
    Great post, Lynn. Lots of food for thought.
    Baby steps, emoticon
    We all can do baby steps,
    Speaking of,
    even if we
    just get rid of
    thing, a day, like
    on those days that we are
    overwhelmed, depressed, or just tired
    of it all,
    get rid of just one thing. emoticon We can, we can!!! (((hugs)))
    2742 days ago
    oh dear that could have been me writing this post depression hoarding all of the above. feelings of inadequacy oh yeah. it is so bad my daughter is teaching my granddaughters that i am a "Pig". my daughter and i stopped talking in October which is for the best and will probably not have any further contact. i am sad that it has come to this but if i cant be accepted for me as a person then it will have to be. My house is cluttered but it is not like filled with trash. peace like happiness is chosen.
    2742 days ago
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