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that that don't kill me...

Saturday, April 14, 2012

adj \ˈten-yə-wəs, -yü-əsDefinition of TENUOUS
1a : having little substance or strength : flimsy, weak (tenuous influences)
b : shaky

a song dedicated to myself, as I stand right now:

a song dedicated to the new me, as a constant reminder:

I don't have issues with not eating enough. I am not a person who can go a day without eating- 'fasting' as some people call it. I have quite the opposite problem, you see.

And it's reared its ugly head twice now over the last week. I haven't binged singe before Christmas, and I know why I binged then- I felt a loss of control coming up with food at Christmas time. And it wasn't pretty.

Last week? I firmly believe my body went: SUGAR OMG! I love you so! And foooooooooood, I want lots and lots and lots of tasty food. Sugar gives such a rush.
When can I switch to a carrot binge? I would prefer that. So much healthier.
Today? FML, I think it's been repercussions from last weekend. Add the hunger, paired with my afternoon movie, paired with a bad decision to eat out when I wasn't feeling strong when it came to food, paired with a sugar addiction, paired with a feeling of loss of control with my food. If you want my low down dirty feelings on the subject, you can read my nutrition tracker notes. It's very personal and it isn't pretty. Can't say I didn't warn you.

I've just tossed at least 2 weeks of hard work away in the span of less than 6 hours. It's that easy, folks.

I must get back on track. Regain my eating focus. I must move forward from these 2 incidents. Look forward towards my goal, not imagine how I was, living in the past.

1. Healthy eating was giving me more definition. I like my definition! I miss that. I've felt fluffy all week.
2. Healthy eating gave me the ability to eat more healthy foods.
3. Healthy eating doesn't make me feel ill, nauseous, guilty, or ashamed.
4. No one dies wishing they ate more margarine. Seriously. Or chocolate.
5. Healthy eating made me feel so good! So powerful! So sexy!
6. The flavours of healthy foods are so delicious!
7. If I have to turn down a late afternoon move, I just have to. I don't need anymore triggers.
8. If I have to turn down a 'no good reason' meal out with friends for the time being to get my discipline back, I have to. I can make alternate fun plans with friends.
9. Healthy foods/amounts are helping me lose weight! Unhealthy foods are not.
10. Healthy foods/amounts will keep me maintaining!
11. When I eat healthy food, at regular intervals throughout the day, I am not hungry. I don't have cravings. I won't/don't binge.
12. I will run better/faster/longer if I fuel my body RIGHT.

Moderation, my dear friends, of something so sweet or binge-worthy, is only a word that I can use when I am in that good strong place, where a table full of calorie dense foods won't even make me blink. Now is not that time. One day.

The day/week after an incident like this is always the hardest, I find. There is a tenuous grasp on healthy eating as the body wants more of the unhealthy stuff.

I will turn this around. I have a goal, and this goal is a lifetime sentence. Being healthy.
Official weigh-in in a day. I've gotta brace for a bumpy ride.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hang in there, I have complete faith in you that you will get back on track. You can shake this and get back to the diligent healthy choices you were making before. That sugar bug is the devil!!! But I know you're strong and you'll kick it's butt!

    You know what to do, as you've done it before. Don't let a few slips de-rail you...just move forward. Focus on that 'definition' you miss seeing, it's a great motivator!

    emoticon emoticon
    2251 days ago
  • JAYDEE16
    You make a really good point that some things are better left to days when you feel strong and in control - like eating out! But hey, these things happen. To err is human, to forgive divine. So, forgive yourself and jump back on that wagon.

    You didn't throw ANYTHING away. Nothing can take the last six weeks of work away from you - you're the one who rocked those runs and workouts. They're YOURS. And now you're wiser for having had a slip-up, yes? So take it for what it is. Lesson learned. If you're like me, it'll probably take more than one (I think I'm in the remedial class).

    I've slipped up a lot lately too. Maybe it's whatever planetary alignment is or is not happening right now, or sun spots. Probably sun spots.
    2255 days ago
    emoticon emoticon

    2256 days ago
    I am so right there with you!! I could have written this blog myself. I like your breakdown of what you need to do/not do and why...again, you took the words straight from my head. Come on...let's do this day, one meal, one workout at a time! We'll support each other!
    2256 days ago
    It's alright. emoticon
    2256 days ago
  • WINNIE1978
    2257 days ago
    I hear you on the whole sugar response thing - I'd love to have a celery binge one of these days as well :)..well, actually, no binges would be good, sigh! I don't think you've tossed away 2 weeks of work - this is just a blip in the road. You're going to turn this around in no time. emoticon
    2257 days ago
    Sh*t happens. The most important is to realize it and get back on track and that's what you're doing! Great mentality!
    2257 days ago
    After being on vacation for the past 10 days and eating out, I've gained 4.9 pounds. UGH! Today is the first entire day back at home and back on track. I've discovered that when we eat out I get something healthy for myself but then find myself eating all the extra stuff my kids don't eat and not staying with just what I ordered. BAD! Today is a new day and I can't wait to get back on track. Hang in there!
    2257 days ago
    By reading my blogs you should know I am very familiar with this. And you are so right when you said "The day/week after an incident like this is always the hardest, I find. There is a tenuous grasp on healthy eating as the body wants more of the unhealthy stuff" YEP! It is like our a taste trigger was activated and your body wants more. I am glad you are getting back into the swing of things, but I like the suggestion of journaling. Do you wonder why? I am always glad I can get back on "it" but I always wonder why/and what made me choose this choice?

    Lastly you mentioning that "yes it happens just that fast." you bet your butt. I can undo good work with very little effort; that weight piles on. The good thing is though, when I am doing and making all the right moves, it comes off just as fast.

    You inspire me lady, slip falls and all. Keep sparking, digging deep and making it happen! emoticon
    2257 days ago
  • ACCT1908
    :-( It is SO HARD. I am exactly where you are. MAINTAINING because I eat *semi* clean BUT I lack portion control. This is soooo frustrating.

    BIG HUGS! Let's regroup and get back on track!
    2257 days ago
  • MICHELLE_391
    Oh honey, you haven't thrown everything away. You have had a setback. We all have those. You just need to get back on track and move forward. And will you please remind me of this when I complain of a binge on my blog? I am trying to be strong, but it is bound to happen.

    There have been studies that show that sugar triggers the same pleasure centers in the brain that cocaine does. Think about it: when you say you are addicted to sugar, you may not be far off base. It becomes your go-to when you need an emotional boost.

    Your blog did give me something to remember - I have to be feeling strong to eat out. I never thought of it that way. I either have to feel strong to be strong. Pep-talks and deciding you're strong might work. I'm going to try it.

    So back in the saddle you go!

    2257 days ago
    Chock it up as a valuable lesson learned. We are human beings, not built to be perfect weight loss machines. Only in fiction is the path from fat to healthy a straight line trip with no deviations.

    Look back on all you did when you first started Spark and the way you got on the disciplined path to eat healthy & work out....lather, rinse, repeat!
    2257 days ago
    Oh bingeing. Have you thought about joining a group run by a professional to help you deal with the why's of your bingeing? Or making yourself journal a bit before you binge (I know easier said than done!) just to get your feelings out first? Sounds like you have really great habits 99% of the time and that this is just a new challenge that you will conquer! You can do it!
    2257 days ago
    I have the same tendency and it's so frustrating! I would love to be a veggie binger. That seems more manageable than a sweets and movie theater popcorn binger.

    I got a free popcorn coupon from the theater near my home yesterday and had to delete it promptly. Because I just know that if I had that ticket, I'd use it. Instead, I am going running today. And if I do hit a movie, it will be sans popcorn.

    Keep hanging in there, turn int around. This is just a blip on the radar!
    2257 days ago
    Girl...I am right there with you. I have a calender that I've been writing my weight down on and if I ate bad or good that day, well let's say this month I've had more bad days then good. I know that you can get back on track, and you have motivated me to also. Thank You!
    2257 days ago
    Healthy eating makes such a difference in our lives. I'm glad that you are getting back to the healthy! Surprise opportunities with sugary fat foods can be difficult times when you just start eating. Been there. It happened on Tuesday to me.
    2257 days ago
  • BOSS61
    Recognizing the problem is half the solution, right there. You will be fine. Oh, and on those meals out with friends "for no reason": NEVER trust that a restaurant will not sneak in copious amounts of butter, salt and sugar for palatability and diner satisfaction. The further I stay away from restaurants, the better I do...
    2257 days ago
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