MOMMY_TO_TIEN
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Emotional Eating

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

(WARNING! I am beyond brutally honest. This might trigger you. My intention writing this post was to be brutally honest about what is going on inside of my head right now, and this allows me a way to somehow reach that inner part of me that is so not healed by the trauma I lived.)

The given: I binge when I am overwhelmed by emotional triggers.

What I am learning: My first instinct in my belief system identifies me as someone too weak enough to cope alone. I search rampantly for someone to rely on. When I can't get in touch with someone to "save me" from myself, I get stuck going through the old ways of dealing with trauma.

What my old ways have taught me: I eat to emotionally stuff down the hurt. I eat to feel full. I binge to gorge myself. I binge to satisfy something inside of me that I know I can--the compulsion of eating good food--without taking notice to physical sensations of feeling full.

How this makes me feel: When I fail to use my coping skills I make poor eating choices, this makes me wallow in a pit of despair because I, then, get into a mindset that I've already gone too far and I might as well f*** it up to the max. I loathe that binger inside of me. If I could tear the binger out of my body I honestly would do so to never have to deal with this again. When my out-of-control-self meets my new healthier eating habits, I find utter hatred towards my old-binge-eating-self.

What kind of good has come out of this: I learned that I was upset my old habits got the better part of me.

The damage: I ended up eating four portions (a whole Trader Joe's pizza) and ate a turkey with american cheese roll up. I have also begun eating a Trader Joe's steak burrito (1 serving) , pita chips (1 serving) and seven layer dip (1 serving). I drank Kool-Aid. 2407 Calories

Do I go walk off the extra calories? Do I over-exercise? Do I just take the calories as what it is, and then see how all the calories end up for the week? I don't know.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MOMMY_TO_TIEN
    Thanks everyone! I do appreciate your accepting me where I am, but still encouraging me to reach my goals. I came across this article just now on emotional eating. You can go to think article called Mind over Body Fat here http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource
    /mind_over_body_fat.asp
    2382 days ago
  • WINSLOWGIRLS3
    I agree! Don't worry about it too much. Chalk it up to a bad day and move on. You can make good choices starting today and that will help to make you feel better. I do hope that you have someone to actually talk to though. Sounds like you need some emotional support in person as well as here. I also agree with everyone when they say not to starve yourself because on your binge. That will just make you miserable and you will be more likely to binge again. We all go through rough times in this weight loss journey and we are all here for you!!! Thanks for being so honest! I hope that things are going better now and that you are feeling a lot better. BIG HUGS!!!
    2383 days ago
  • no profile photo YESCURLYCAN
    I like this blog very much for the fact that it is brutally honest. As much as I love (and need) to read the motovational and success stories; I need to read stories like these as well. Sparkers don't always show you the dirty side of this War or Journey if you will. It's always "I lost 10 pounds" or "I ate great" but what about the bad days; bad days are real. Thank you for sharing your brutally honest moment. If you continue to do the work (mentally) you will slay this dragon. emoticon
    2383 days ago
  • FLABBALICIOUS
    To reach the goals you've set for yourself you have to use a step-by-step process of deep observation. You have accomplish this already by taking the first step: being aware of and acknowleding your problem. When a situation occurs that triggers the eating, stop and embrace your thoughts and feelings. Most times if you can identify that you are experience a craving wait 20 minutes, find an alternative outlet, paint by numbers, crotchet, play wii. I think a recent book I am ready by Thich Nhat Hanh, "Savor", could help you. It is the awareness of the present moment, the realization of why we do what we do, that enables us to stop feeling bad and start changing our behavior.
    Now you just splash some water on that face and get back in there. emoticon
    2383 days ago
  • SARASMILING
    I like what Terrimmix said. :) I know you probably already know this, but you are so not alone. So many of us deal with this and know what a constant battle it is. We're right there with you, side by side, fighting everyday to overcome this. We can do it!!!
    emoticon
    2383 days ago
  • RACHEL-SPARKS
    Just let it go. Remember tomorrow is a new day, press delete and start over.
    2383 days ago
  • MENNOLY
    Just let it go. Today is over. Start with a clean slate tomorrow. If you want to eat on the lower side of your range for the rest of the week but in no way should you eat below your range. You should not eat so little that you start to feel sorry for yourself because that will trigger another binge. Since you are eating 500 calories less than you burn given your activity level, then all you did with your binge is not eat a deficit on one day. I would be reasonable and the next time you find yourself thinking of binging, grab some sugarless gum or drink a pot of green tea or eat a bag of low fat popcorn forcing yourself to eat one kernel at a time. emoticon
    2383 days ago
  • MOMMY_TO_TIEN
    Calories
    Eaten 2,437
    BMR* 2,832
    Exercise 0
    Total Burned 2,832
    Differential -395

    My goal is to eat between 1600-1800 calories.

    So if I ate 2437 calories, but went over by my lowest range of 1600 by 837 calories. I can divide it by the remaining 3 days in my week, if I wanted? Let me see...that means 237 calories less the next three days. Or if by seven days...120 calories less. The 120 calories less is more doable. If I factor in I did exercise pretty good this week and still have a chance I still have an upside.

    Thanks for the insight...
    2383 days ago
  • TERRIMMIX
    Not sure what your calorie goal range is, but sometimes if I overdo it a bit, I'll figure out how much I went over and divide that by seven and eat a little less each day for the rest of the week. That way you don't lose any ground. Don't overexercise or starve yourself. You might hurt yourself and make it even harder to get back on track. Although, it couldn't hurt to take a nice walk and listen to some music or a book on cd to get your mind off or your troubles for a few minutes. Everyone makes mistakes. Just get back up on the horse. Ü
    2383 days ago
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