CHUBERASER
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Starting Over

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

It's hard to start over. It's easy to let things get in the way. It's easy to make excuses. It's easy to place blame on anything and everything except the one place it belongs.

I gave up. I didn't care. I wanted to crawl in a hole and stay there. Except...I couldn't fit in the hole. So...when you can't fit in the hole...you either dig a bigger hole...or you turn around and face the music. I could have dug a bigger hole...Lord knows some people wouldn't have blamed me. I lost my daughter last year. Not very many people (that I know) know what it's like to lose a child. And, I never thought I would know that feeling. But I do. It's not pretty.

So...rather than dig a bigger hole...I am turning around and facing the world and life again. Embracing the things that I have in my life rather than letting what I have lost swallow me completely. Don't get me wrong. There's not a day that goes by that I don't cry and mourn my Emily. But I also have a wonderful husband, a great son and a beautiful granddaughter that Emily left us. I will concentrate on them and how they brighten my life.

It was hard writing this Blog. It's the first I've written in over a year. But it feels good. And it feels go0d to tell people I've turned a corner and I'm starting over. Baby steps...but steps forward none the less.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CHICADEE26
    Bless you sweet lady! I haven't been on SP in 108 days (according to my last update) and I always go first to my friends pages to see if anyone is still around. So sorry for your loss and here's to you being able to move forward. emoticon
    3111 days ago
  • LLTS01
    I am sitting here stunned. I feel like I have been a part of your family and just can't fathom what you have been through. My heart goes out to you. I am so glad that you have Bailey to keep you going. I wish I could hug you. In my mind, I am.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3123 days ago
  • SLIMPAM23
    Well - Welcome back my friend!! I have no words for what you have been going through - Except that I am so very sorry. Your loss is huge. But I'm glad that you have come back to work on being the very best YOU that you can be. Make Emily proud if nothing else pushes you on. I have gained a significant amount of weight back after proclaiming my journey a success. And I did have a stressful year. But it certainly doesn't compare to yours. So - please know - you are not alone re-starting! You are in good company and I know we can both do this. Good luck and God bless - and enjoy that gift that Emily left you - as well as all those around you who love you too!
    Pam
    3123 days ago
  • TRILLA09
    Thank you for sharing. I have been feeling very sorry for myself this past year, but your blog puts it all in a different perspective. Nothing can ever replace what you have lost, but your memories can help fill the void. Your baby steps will encourage many of us to count our blessing and follow your example! emoticon
    3123 days ago
  • NOODLES28007
    I'm glad that you accomplished something so hard (writing this blog). Congratulations. Everyone starts with Baby steps....but those steps lead us to greater things. I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter, but know that she is with you always and will give you the strength you need..every baby step of the way...Keep going and never give up!
    3123 days ago
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