I feel bad.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
So I've been feeling pretty down, and I'm sitting here feeling how my pants are all tight against me (well, before I went ahead and unbuttoned them), and of course how I know it's my own fault, and it will take some time and this is just temporary... but for right now I feel bad about myself. I feel fat and gross and that makes me feel undeserving of love. Yes, I know that is "crazy talk" but that's how it feels. I know I am not the only one to ever feel this way. I don't feel confident or interesting. I don't feel passionate about my life. I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there.
I've mentioned that I went to LA for the weekend. The race was ok, I did a lot better than I thought I would. I was there with the BFF... and I gotta say, I don't know if it's something I'm doing, or if he's got some kind of bug up his ass or WHAT, but it just feels like every time we spend any amount of time together he ends up talking to me like I am some kind of idiot. Have you ever heard an eye roll? I have. When this first started happening I just shut up about it. I figured, he's under a lot of stress. But this weekend? I can't think of a reason why it was ok to talk to me like that. I don't want to talk about it but I also know it's probably not going to go away on its own. Ugh.
Uggggggh. Feel tiny bit better (but still mad about being fat).