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Hello, Rebellious Em

Monday, April 09, 2012

Confession: My body is tired. I'm into the long training runs, and it is a lot harder than I thought it would be. My rebellious side is showing up and whining a lot more. "I don't want to do all this running. I don't want to slack on my other workouts. I'm sick of carbs. I'm sick of not losing weight. I'm tired of giving up half of every weekend for pain. Etc."

Yeah, not fun to battle with this one.

I know I have to do this. I am 7 weeks away from the marathon, and I am equally terrified, glad I have more time to train, and burnt out and ready to do it and move on to the next goal. Training for a marathon is a full time job. It's not just the running - it's balancing my other activities so that I do not overtrain, it's making sure I am physically capable of teaching my classes, it's carb load days and eating for recovery, the feeling of never having enough to eat mixed in with the bloated, sick feeling from eating carbs. I'm kind of a mess right now.

But, I'll get through it. I have just a few more weeks to get myself ready, and then before I know it, it will be over. I'm scared and excited and - did I mention scared?

This weekend is going to be a tough one. On Saturday, I am attending my grandmother's funeral. It still seems so strange that she's gone. She was always my go-to person at large family functions. I loved spending time with her and listening to her somewhat crass humor. This will be the first family gathering without her, and I am still not sure how I will handle it. I really miss her.
On Sunday, I will be sorting out my emotions and thoughts on another 18 mile run - only this time my trainer wants me to hit the wall. You know - the thing most runners try to avoid? Yeah, I'm doing that on purpose this weekend. It makes sense. She wants me to experience running in that state because I will most likely be doing so on race day. Still, not looking forward to it. How do you make yourself hit the wall? My plan is to go for a 20 mile run - hopefully mile 19 will make me hit the wall, and I can stagger home while learning to run in a completely depleted state. I'm going to look at it as an experiment and an adventure. I'll let you know how it turns out.

This past weekend was Easter. We had a great weekend, and I was looking forward to a short, 10-mile run on Sunday. Of course, because it's a short run, I didn't prepare myself, and I ended up feeling terrible and only doing 6 miles. I didn't eat well. I didn't hydrate. I didn't feel like running. Hello, rebellious Em. I think the hardest part of training is the mental aspect. I am really struggling with it. It's scary to commit to something so completely. Every week I am in uncharted territory, and it's stressful.

This week I am focused on getting my head back into training. This is the point where I normally try to sabotage myself so that I do not achieve my goals, and that is not happening this time. Thinking about the race scares me, so I like to think about all the different stuff I get to do once it's over. Here's a few:

1. Do more ST - I love it.
2. Continue running 12 miles on weekends, so I can do a half in July
3. Go to other classes again and expand on my fitness
4. Learn new Zumba choreography
5. Clean/organize my house - it needs it badly
6. Focus on my diet and lose rest of the weight
7. Go hiking, camping, swimming w/ the family and relax a little more
8. Write! Start the new book, write a play

I am so looking forward to summer!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • APED7969
    You're doing awesome! I think it is normal to feel scared and a bit stressed about everything. I'm sure 7 weeks will go by quickly and even though you won't feel ready you will be! Just be smart about your training and listen to your body. I must admit I did circuit class then an 8 mile run last week and then some kickboxing and now the back of my knee which has been fine for the entire training for this half is tight and sore and I'm running a half on Sunday! I knew I was doing a bit too much but did it anyway and now I'm regretting it! Great goals for when you're done!
    2207 days ago
    I'm sorry that you are so scared and stressed. However, you are an inspiration to me because of the distances you run. You have to push yourself through it even if you don't want to because in the end, you are going to look back on training, and you are going to be amazed. You are going to finish training strong. You are going to finish this marathon strong. You know how badly you want to complete it. So, remember that when things get tough.

    2207 days ago
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