My Rosa a Sad update
Sunday, April 08, 2012
Last night, about 8 pm, Rosa called me. She said her chest was hurting and she had taken two nitroglycerine. I told her to take one more and to call 911. She said "no, I've decided I want to die and go be with Mom and Becky." I kept talking to her, and my husband called 911.
When we got there, they had taken her blood pressure and it was 210 systolic. They took her to the er. We followed and could see Rosa sitting up on the stretcher and talking to our other sister. Once at the ER, as they began to move her from the rescue squad stretcher to the er stretcher, she went into cardiac arrest.
They worked and worked on her. They got a very weak pulse twice, but immediately lost it. After a while, the doctor came to talk to us and told us by that time she had brain damage, and even if she recovered, she would not be the same, or have any quality of life. My sister and I talked about calling the code. I did not think she would be able to tolerate the heart surgery Monday (and I knew she wouldn't live without it), and Kathy was concerned how miserable she would be in a nursing home or wc bound. We went into the room, and I saw she was flat lined. I told Kathy that it was almost impossible to get anyone back from a flat line. Then she started to have a few beats on the montior, but no pulse. That means that the heart is generating electricity, but not working at all. I know that's an impossible rhythm to come out of, and most likely it was from the drugs she was given. Epinephrine can make the heart have electric currents, but often to no avail. so the code was called.
It was so devastating for the both of us. 9 months ago, there were 5 of us in the immediate family, now there are two. Melissa, I know you survived this, but for the life of me, right now I don't know how. I have been crying since about 8:30 last night and can't seem to quit.
My mind wanders around, to our childhood, to the first day she saw my son, and to last week when I wouldn't stay with her longer. I honestly thought I was doing the best thing for her. I don't know that my staying with her would have prevented this from happening. I do think she had made up her mind she was ready to go and was through fighting. She told me it was better to be dead than to hurt all the time and feel bad all the time.
To be honest, I hurt all the time and feel bad most of it, but I don't see it her way. I told her if she died it would just hurt too much. I know heaven is rejoicing tonight, for an angel has come home.
She told me yesterday there was a dove on her balcony, looking at her, and it was Mom or Becky wanting her. I told her they coulnd't want her more than Kathy and I did. I must have been wrong.
I'm sorry I'm rambling. I'm just still numb and in shock and having a very hard time getting my head around this.
Thank you all for your sweet comments on my last blog.