Thursday, April 05, 2012
Can I tell everyone how AMAZING I feel this week? It's not a new diet or a supplement...it's freedom!! Freedom from the GD scale!!!!
I have been driving myself insane for 4 months about the plateau...for no good reason. During this plateau, I have been steadily losing inches...which is a fine measurement of success, but I just couldn't see it that way. I have been SOOOO hung up on the stupid scale that I wasn't taking the time to ENJOY the positive NSV's I've been racking up! I'm FIT again. I can PERFORM again. I can even fit in any public seating you can throw at me!! :) I recognized these things (and TONS more) along the way, but they were always followed by a mental "but I'm still not losing"...what a waste of freaking time!! I am DONE feeling badly about myself when I'm being awesome for not being awesome enough!!
I officially hit my breaking point with the scale earlier this week. I just woke up and said "Enough". I seem to work like that...I can "know" things for months, but the acceptance of said info usually doesn't happen for a while and comes at me in a rush when it does happen. :) This "Enough" not only involves obsessing about the unmoving scale...it's also about the end of trying to be a perfect eater, reading every book/article in reach, psychotically making lists/charts/graphs to track my progress...I'm just done.
To be clear...I'm not giving up on a healthy lifestyle. I'm still monitoring what I eat and exercising plenty...I'm just done with the self competition/loathing on the subject. It's okay to eat a little junk...everything that goes into my mouth does not have to be farm raised, organic, sugar free, gluten free, dairy free, meat free, etc. That is a lesson I've learned from many of my SparkFriends...not everyone eats "perfectly" on here...but they are still experiencing success anyway! I'm just eating to live at this point. And I don't have to feel bad about it! It's not like there is a diet council out there that monitors my food tracker and gives gold stars for perfection. I'm eating to what SP says I should be eating with the about of exercise I do...and I feel GREAT! No more panic, stress, or shame...just feeding my body what it needs to perform. I'm also exercising as much as I want right now. I've been in a constant state of panic about this for months...am I doing too much, too little, right kind/wrong kind, etc. I'm just working out because I LOVE IT!! When I'm tired, I'm skipping it. When I feel like it, I'm indulging to my heart's content!
Today...I couldn't care less about the scale. If I'm still holding here (scale wise) in another 4 months...it's just going to be okay. It doesn't make me any less successful...it just means the number on the scale isn't moving. I am FINALLY accepting that my weight is JUST a measurement...one of many...and the feeling of freedom brought on by that realization is priceless!!