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NSV biggy and what an eyeopener(not the success i had hoped for)

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

well today i think i had my bigest NSV to date,well it seems that way to me.it was also a big eyeopener,made me feel that i haven´t achieved as much as i thought i had but at the same time has given me the determination to do more ,more strength that is as i think that will help more in the long run.also have to work on my self concousness or rather lack of it.as you all know i go on my treadmill and for thoes who don´t know yet i am planning to do a race in octeber.this will be my first run in 30 years,so ya me for even contemplateing it.i am still haveing problems with my left leg going on me etc and am slowly trying to build up my endureance and time etc(at the moment i am at 5k in 62 mins)not so good i know but alot of it is to do with the fear my leg will go on me but i am working on that.anyway because of my size,my facial paryalise and the fact that i wear headscarf i haven´t had the courage to run outside yet (afraid of other people seeing me,lol)know i have to get over it if i want to do this race but wanted to loose somemore weight first and to get a better time up.well today as i was taking the kids to kindergarten,one of their friends mother who knows i run on a laufband as her kids are often by me said have you anything on now .without thinking i said no why(maybe i should ask why first before saying no,lol)come jogging with me then.i was like eh ok then as i had her already said i had nothing on i couldn´t then make up some excuse.first let me tell you about her she is 24 years old,120lbs goes jogging every day and lifts weights 3 days a week at the gym.she wanted to go jogging for 30 mins as a warm up for her going to the gym.luckily i had my sport shoes on,lol.anyway when i went into the kindergarten it wasn´t raining but when we came out it was raining.now i could have used this as an excuse ,i think she was expecting me to.but i didn´t.i said it is only rain lets go.i then asked are we going to walk to the buga before sarting jogging that way hardly anyone would see us but she said there wont be time to get her jog in overwise so we started jogging there and then in front of the kindergarten where any child looking out of the window could see .in the middle of the housing estate where anyone looking out of their window could see.and anyone walking to work,kindergarten with their kids or shopping could see.this is where the eyeopener came in,.my heart started beating fast,very fast,i started to have problems breathing,basically i was having a panic attack but did i stop,no i carried on jasmin had to really slow her pace as i was so slow with the breathing effecting me,it was like i was totally out of shape.i have no problems when on the treadmill in the comfort of my own home but outside it was totally differant i was struggling and i mean really struggling after the first few minutes and after 15 mins i was tatally finished.i still can´t believe it so as i say though it was a success i totally stepped out 200% out of my comfort zone and that with a super fit,super thin person next to me.even when i had the chance to make the excuse with the rain i didn´t.this is still definately my biggest none scale victory to date it somehow didn´t feel the victory it should have been.so what have i learnt.
1#ask jasmin why first when she next asks have i what for.(just kidding,well sort off)
2#have to work on my own self confidence
3#have to work on caring less what people think of me
4# work on my stamina,i.e.core more.
5#work on my breathing(100%)
6#realise that running outside is not the same as running on treadmill
7#just do it

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Congrats! That is a huge victory. Key and I are going to do our happy dance in your honor. WAY TO GO!
    2197 days ago
    You are so inspiring. Way to get out there! emoticon
    2202 days ago
  • GERRI4
    That is fantastic! You are very brave for just going ahead and running in public emoticon emoticon
    2203 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon *yay* u!!!
    2206 days ago
    I am heading to a doctor's appointment and I made a copy of your blog to read while I wait!!! I enjoy spending time with you -- any way I can get it!!

    Love and blessings, My Dear and Loving Friend!!!!!
    2206 days ago
    Wow - that is truly inspirational!! I was just posting that I was going to go walking with my trekking poles but knew I'd get weird looks - so we are the same with the confidence and worrying about others! SO happy you did it!

    2207 days ago
    I used to walk with a friend. I was very over weight. When we had to stop because of her life circumstance lots of people I knew causally ask me what happed and said they missed seeing me. I had a whole cheering section I knew nothing about. If your going to imagine what people are thinking imagine good things.

    I think you are more confident than you know since you went jogging with her. emoticon emoticon

    Keep going that is awesome.
    2207 days ago
    Thanks for commenting on my blog - I hope to drive to a park and test my ability on a safe trail...see what it's like. I think I am about to get the runner's bug! Lol!

    Happy emoticon ~ Laura
    2208 days ago
    I wouldn't be in a rush to join your fit, young, 124-pound friend, jogging !
    I seriously do NOT think that it is a good idea, at ALL !
    2208 days ago
  • ABB698
    You are amazing, and so inspiring! emoticon
    2208 days ago
    2209 days ago
    I LOVED your blog!! Its been close to 30 years since I first began exercising - and I started climbing down and up the stairs to my basement because I was 'afraid' of what someone would think if they saw me outside. I built up my courage in a couple of months and began running outside (very slowly at first). Looking back with the benefit of hindsight you know what I realized? NO ONE CARES!! If they even noticed me (or you) they'd think, "Look at her - she's out improving her health and fitness!" Think about it - if YOU saw you out running isn't that what YOU would think? So WAY TO GO on getting outside your comfort zone and JUST DOING IT!! And I vote you continue to do it!! Running outside is SO much more enjoyable than a treadmill!! You CAN do this!! emoticon
    2209 days ago
  • DEE797
    Totally emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2209 days ago
  • QUEENME1962
    wow, if you can do it i can too emoticon
    2209 days ago
  • SURF@723
    emoticon Karen...you did great by stepping out of your comfort zone and proving that you can do anything! I am so proud of you!!!!!


    2209 days ago
  • ~ELLE~
    Way to Go stepping outside your comfort zone Karen!!! I'n stepping outside mine today at bootcamp.
    2209 days ago
  • -SONIA-
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    You've already made so much progress here on Spark, but this is even better! Good for you! I'm sure a lot of us relate to feeling self-conscious when exercising in public. I know I do! But your story is very motivational to us! emoticon emoticon emoticon

    emoticon emoticon
    2209 days ago
    You are AWESOME!
    2209 days ago
    You did well Karen you stepped out, don't take that step backwards

    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”¯
    2209 days ago
    Way to go !!
    Karen Dear, You have proved you can step out of your comfort zone and next time it will be so much better my friend ..
    So very proud of you ...
    Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon
    2209 days ago
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