JITZUROE
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The Attitude of My JEANS, not Genes

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Over the past 6 months, I have pretty much gained back almost all of the weight that I had lot this past year. Things have been...complicated to say the least.

I am now in the largest sized pair of jeans I have ever owned. It makes me mad. And here's the rub:
My jeans KNOW that I hate them. They do. It's wild.
My larger sized jeans gnash their copper riveted teeth at me in response to the constant stink eye that I fling in their direction. It's like my jeans have their own rap star-shiny brass grill (give me a beat!!!).




I don't see the purpose in posting the actual size of my jeans, since some Sparkers might be thrilled to be wearing my current size, and I do appreciate that. BUT that does not mean that I should be happy with it.
This was a giant step backward for me.
I feel as if I am stomping dust and schmear all over reaching my weight loss goal last year.

And these new jeans must be able to read me like a dog-eared book, since they laugh and cackle at me.
It's audible too. See, when I walk in my jeans, they give off an audible, 'scruff scruff' sound.
Within that sound, emanating from my nether region, they tell me that I am lumpy and undesirable.

Scruff scruff.

They tell me that it's not worth the fight, so I should throw in that (workout) towel, and cave in to the inevitable.

Scruff scruff.

And I paid for these larger jeans, which just gets under my skin.
It wasn't easy to bring home my attitude-filed denim. It took some work, like going to a flea market, except I didn't get excited in the end with my purchase.

My first thought was to hit the mall. I tried to keep the walking distance to a minimum though. My old jeans weren't even buttoned up all the way, and it was uncomfortable to say the least. Those poor jeans were so tortured, that they only emanated a wispy whimper sound with each leg swipe. My jeans were sad....

I kept telling myself, it's denim! It's cotton! It's the fabric of our lives, right??? So what's the big deal?



Macy's had no love for me. Not one pair fit right. Everything seemed to be meant for a person with the thighs of a 12 year old boy. When I did manage to find a size that fit, they were practically a foot shorter than I needed. This just wouldn't do. I knew better then to humiliate myself in the juniors section, so I went to Marshall's on the way home. I needed to get the most bang for my buck since I am not able to be on my feet for too long.
My old jeans forced themselves to move as I pushed my cart into the store.

Whimper whimper (the sound of my sad jeans).

My first stop - the candle section. Why? Because I was determined to come home with at least something that I actually liked. I found some gardenia scented candles, complete with fingernail marks and dust on top. I told myself that I could burn away that evidence right quick once I lit them, and chucked them in my cart.
I swerved back to the clothing section and dove in.

Whimper whimper

The Lee jeans were OK. Not flattering, but OK. The coloring was a bit off though. Plus they were still too short. I tried to talk myself into buying them if I promised to NEVER sit down while wearing them so as not to make it obvious. No dice.

I wandered to the Seven jeans rack. Sticker shock, even a Marshalls! I took one look at the price tag, gasped, grabbed my left boobie for some reason (what was that about???), and backed away from those jeans.

Then I saw some Lucky jeans, on clearance!
They did not leave that strange gap between the crest of my toosh and my lower back. This was a great thing since I was sure that i would need to stash my wallet or something back there to fill that void. They fit.

Now there are exactly two things that I can do in response to the situation that I am currently in (angry jeans and all).
Well ok, there are actually three things I could do, but one of them involves throwing my jeans into the trash and then being stuck without jeans to wear (again). Not smart.

I can either:
A) Let the scruffy talk coming from the denim of my jeans actually motivate me to get out of those trash talking beasts, get back to my Sparkly self, and get BACK to my smaller BACKside.
or
B) I can succumb to the rhythmic, mind altering scruffing, believe the nonsense and give up. This option inevitably ends up with my then buying even larger sized jeans in the future. Not a good option.

But hey, I'm cheap. I hate to blow $ on clothes I have no love for.
I am fully aware that if I am unhappy with myself, then I will unintentionally make my husband's Iife, and everyone else around me miserable. That's just not cool.

I'll light my fuzzy gardenia candles, meditate on this a bit, and go for option A.

Scruff scruff - for now.

'Nuff said.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MELIBUG
    I hate, hate, hate jeans shopping. I usually get mad and think there is a store conspiracy of them thinking only fat people are short - WRONG!!!! I really have to be in the right mindset to go jean shopping, because it will knock me down a few rungs on how I feel about myself by the time I'm done.... trying to find something that is long enough, wide enough for thighs, big enough for hips/butt, and once over those mountains doesn't leave the gapping hole in the backside for someoone to easily scratch my behind without trying to hard - LOL.

    Surprisingly, I have had better luck in the last 6 months with shopping at the thrift store for jeans. I have managed to find several like new, brand name jeans that actually fit. Of course, my first pass is to look for any touching the floor (cuz' then they are long enough), then the rest of the hard, depressing work begins!

    Glad you were successful in finding something to work for you while in the transition back to where you want to be! Just give the new jeans the stink eye for awhile longer and you'll be there.

    Hugs ~ Melissa
    2400 days ago
  • RBLACKWOOD21
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    2402 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    I am the wrong person to comment since I have seen with my very own eyes that you look fabulous.
    2402 days ago
  • 2WHEELEDSHARON
    Haven't you had health problems that make everything feel like sticks and garbage? Don't even think about getting down on yourself, sister! Wear those jeans, stick the candle in that gap, and walk like Tyra down the Marshalls runway! Or just sit like the Queen of Getting Through a Crazy Mess of H-E double hockey sticks! I figure uncooperative jeans are part of the process, and so is getting scruffless. You will do it!
    2413 days ago
  • TIME2BLOOM4ME
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    2414 days ago
  • CLOVER2
    Jeans can be so cruel! We love them, our relationship with them is one of "Please don't leave me!" I had forgotten what it was like to put on a pair of jeans, pull them up without having to lie on the bed first, zip (ZIPPPP, what an incredible word!!) them up and wear them without having to figure out how to breathe. I figure you got option A all figured out, and you know you have a ton of Sparkle Friends who'll cheer and support and love you right into it! I know I'll be there, always!!
    Love you bunches!
    Terri
    emoticon
    2414 days ago
  • MRSSCHENCK
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    2414 days ago
  • JCARDINAL
    I think I'm wearing the sister to your jeans!! Very mouthy girls that they are. Let's get working together and dump these jeans. We can do it!!
    2415 days ago
  • KAILYNSTAR
    I too am wearing a size that I haven't wore for a few years. I lost 30 lbs and then managed to gain the weight back. I hate my jeans. They don't scruff, they're wearing out, because I refuse to buy another pair that size. I want my smaller jeans, the ones that say, "Hey there good lookin'!"

    So, I'm in the same boat as you. Do I want to give up, or just get moving...

    Spring is here. Walking outside will be welcome for me and then, I'm moving....

    'Nuff said.
    2415 days ago
  • JODIEST
    I get it. I soooooooo get it. Thank you for putting that into words.
    2415 days ago
  • MEDDYPEDDY
    My large clothes are not that aggressive, they are more like depressed and lack energy.
    My problem for the moment is that I need a new sweimsuit and I have two almost new pairs that I CAN get into – at the cost of risk of choking blood vessels and nerves because they are so tight. I have to go to the dressingroom bathroom to wiggle in and out of them... and I don´t want to buy a new larger one so I hang on to the old I bought in Florida....1994 or something it is almost falling to pieces. Just one size smaller... I can do that! But not until wednesday when there is water exercise and I don´t think the old one will work with that, I can swim in it in a ladylike manner but not jump around I think...
    For the moment I am too fat for jeans, sweatpants is the sad solution...
    2415 days ago
  • AAAACK
    My new fat jeans like to move around on my body when I'm not moving - that's how I know they know...I hate them, too!

    Yes, from a sitting position, they start scrunching down so I actually have to stand up to yank them up back over the rolls. Ugh. Not pretty. But seriously uncomfortable if I don't adjust them. Certainly not date night pants, that's for sure!

    We've got to get back to our clothes that make us happy. Good choice on your part. I think I'll do the same!


    2415 days ago
  • KRZYKAT3
    rofl, that is how I felt aout buyin new work pants in a smaller size. they just felt different and made different noises thant my comfy too big pants

    well done my friend
    2415 days ago
  • LGAR519
    Love you, honey, no matter what size you are!! We'll be here when you're ready to try again.
    2415 days ago
  • TRUEREINVENTED
    Your blog made me smile--and it was bittersweet too. Listening to the negativity coming from your jeans is definately a path to nowhereville. Keep trying--its all you got!
    2415 days ago
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