Saturday, March 31, 2012
I just weighed myself for the first time in two weeks. Here's a "shock"...still holding strong at 281. Really. :P How I've grown to loathe the 280's.
In the last month, as many of you know, I've had some pretty serious issues with my marriage, which led to some pretty serious issues with life in general, and resulted in my taking a lot of time off from SP. Not from eating well and exercising, but from logging my food and interacting much on here. "Time Saving", I guess. It was a necessary reset. I feel a little more positive about "getting back to it", and I'm hopeful that giving myself a hall pass will help me to get back into it with renewed vigor.
I'm also taking the kiddos back to Wild Waters today...it's opening day after being closed for the Winter. This is my first "public bathing suiting" since they closed for the Winter back in September...and I'm nervous. Wild Waters is (thank God) one of those odd places where the incredibly fit generally coexist in harmony with the incredibly NOT, but let's face it...there is always at least one A-hole in a crowd. I finally found a new bathing suit (as last year's is obscenely huge...just need to pat myself on the back for that one), and I'm really happy with my appearance now as opposed to my appearance last summer, but I'm afraid that it's only going to take that one douche bag to ruin my poor, fragile self esteem for the day and send me running for the Dippin' Dots stand. On the plus side, I'm feeling pretty fiery already this morning, and said a-hole would be VERY sad they crossed me, but still...I would prefer to avoid being a Bad Mutha on the opening day of a waterpark. So...there that is.
Here is where most of the fear is coming into play: I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm still not getting excited about logging all of my food again, or "having" to log onto this site daily to interact. I'm afraid that I'm going to bail on my team in the upcoming M2W April Challenge because of disinterest. I'm afraid that I'm NEVER going to see my stupid scale get below the stupid 280's. I'm also afraid that I'm going to be arrested for aggravated battery in the kiddie pool.
So what does one do with this fear? I WANT to make a little nest for myself in my closet and stay there for the next year. But I'm GOING TO put on my big girl panties and deal with this. I've got WAY too much time invested in this to quit. There is too much riding on my efforts (health wise) to quit. And I have several SparkFriends who would actually physically chase me down and handcuff me to an elliptical if I dared to throw in the towel. :)
So...I'm figuring that my only option is to cowboy up and hit the wave pool. I'm going to get back into the habit of logging on here daily and doing my "thang". I'm going to stop being a Nancy Pants about the whole thing and just do it. :)