100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 113,421

I'm calling myself out! I need help!!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

I am frustrated!! With whom or what you ask?? With MYSELF! Why you ask? Because every time I start doing really good and am losing the weight and feeling good about myself and how I feel, I go and screw it up! I start allowing myself to eat alittle more and then skip an exercise. Then BAM gained 3-5lbs back and its crazy!!! Why am I doing this?? I want so badly to be healthy and look good! To feel good! To lose this weight and be around for my kids and hubby for a long time! To be able to go shopping and NOT by plus size clothes! This is driving me crazy!!! Here lately I've been finding myself getting REALLY moody, really tired.. and aggravated. & I know its my fault!! I am the one causing all of this! I have got to find some way to STOP doing this to myself. And well I figure this might help... calling myself out! The SAD thing is I know I can do better. I have all the tools right here in front of me. So again I ask why am I sabotaging myself?? What is my deal. I don't know.

I finally got back to the size I have been for years and its the lowest weight I have been for years... NOT that its a good weight... by far... I m in 24's and that's what I was in when I was in my early 20's, when I met my hubby & when we got married. Yup its sad but its true that's the lowest weight I have ever been. (290-295lbs) So for the first time in about 7 years I am down to that again. I know I should be happy that I have lost like 92lbs over all.. since my highest weight.. and I am but I want and need to lose so much more. Its like my body says "hey were back to the weight we was for years and years... I m good with that"... Yeah WELL I M NOT!!!!!! okay so as I am writing this I am having a moment.. an Aha moment I guess... um I guess that's just it! I am at war with the Overweight person I have always been! I guess we just have to see who is Stronger ME or my Overweight self!!

Okay so I guess what I need is a battle plan! So to speak.. how do I get threw to the ME that's trying to come out. And tell the Overweight me to back the heck off!! The over weight me has ran my life for so long.. 33 years now.... its MY turn!!!!!!!!!!

Ahh this is crazy but this is just what I needed... I needed to be able to get this out I guess to figure it out. Now to figure out how to go about this!

Any suggestions any advise is welcomed!! I have to get past this!
So I ask you if you went threw this.. what did you do to get past this????
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Continue fighting my friend! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go right back in. That "enemy" that always seems to derail the journey is in all of us. It's the part of us that likes things to stay just the way they are even if that means being fat and unhappy. I know I have faced that part of me many times and will do so again. Losing weight is a battle. It's an uphill climb. It's a fight every day. The key is NOT to let the other side win. Get back at it as soon as you can. Eventually you will wear the "enemy" down. Failure is in NOT trying. So as long as you keep at it, a long as you keep getting back in the fight, you are winning slowly but surely. emoticon I can do this! We all can do this! Each of us is stronger than we know. So don't give up, WIN this war!
    2515 days ago
    I would suggest maybe changing things up. Try a new work out, or even one that you weren't able to do 50lbs ago. If you have a webcam or can take video's of yourself on your cell phone, sit down and have a heart to heart with yourself, you don't have to post it. Tell about those reasons you may not share with anyone, about why you want to do this. Tell about that big reward you have planned for the day you reach your goal weight. Remind yourself that you can get through this. Add anything else you think will help. Then save it and put it somewhere you will be able to view it anywhere you might need too. Watching it might actually help you work on through it. And remember you can and will slip up, it happens your human, what you need to remember is that just because you slip up doesn't mean you can't pick yourself up and start again. I really hope this helps. You CAN do this, you ARE doing this. emoticon
    2516 days ago
  • WINNIE1978
    I think a lot of us have similar issues. I think this is pretty much what I've been going through since Christmas... I finally hit the 50 pound mark and started allowing a little bit of this or that... and before I knew it I was undoing my progress. I'm still struggling to get it all together... but I figure as long as I'm still trying then all isn't lost. Hang in there! You can do this! emoticon
    2517 days ago
  • DANA564
    emoticon We have faith in you. It is a battle and we take it one day at a time. I'm sorry I have no other words of wisdom but just know you have support right here when you need it. emoticon
    2517 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2517 days ago
    You can do it. Sending encouraging thoughts your way.
    2517 days ago
    Ok my advise is to recognize that anytime, ANYTIME, we start making progress and being happy, we get blind sided by the "enemy" who doesn't like us being happy. I used to hear this and think "oh that's nuts!" but the more I look at it, the more I see the truth in it. I used to think I suffered from devastation thinking. I just knew that when something was going right, the world was going to fall out from under me. I used to just accept it was going to happen. Now I know I can fight it!!! I can fight back and I can keep my happiness and I can keep my progress. If you know you are going to walk in a hole if you keep walking straight, do you keep walking straight or do you move a little to the right? If we prepare for a "letdown", we can avoid it entirely.

    I struggled with progress for 9 months. I just sat there, complacent. Losing and gaining the same 5 pounds, until I stopped the cycle and ended up gaining 12 before I realized "I can do better than this!!!"
    Slowly I have been making the changes to be healthy. I got back to tracking. I made a huge leap and stopped eating the chip basket at the Mexican place (I am in Texas, you know you can't throw a rock with out hitting a Mexican restaurant and it landing in a chip basket. Not eating it is like a miracle or something). Yesterday I turned down a friend for lunch just because I didn't trust myself at the restaurant she chose, Red Robin. I foresaw the guilty feeling I would have after I consumed a basket of steak fries with ranch, 900 calories and you get free refills!!!! I saw the letdown and I stopped it before it started; it just wasn't worth it. We have to be prepared for our successes and we have to guard them like a soldier against the one who is trying to take them from us.

    Build up you artillery and fight back! Fight for your health. Know ahead of time that any time you make progress, something will happen and you will have a choice to make, do you keep making progress or do you give in?


    You can win this war!
    2517 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/30/2012 10:47:16 AM
    2517 days ago
    Thank you all Very much for commenting on my blog. I really do appreciate what each and everyone of you have to say!! I know because of all of you I WILL DO THIS!!! Thanks again to all of you!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2518 days ago
    I had the same problem when I lost weight a couple of years ago. I lost 20 pounds and thought, "Hey, that's awesome! I lost 20 pounds! I can stay here for a while." It didn't matter to my inner voice that I was still 180. And I'm 5'4" so that's still obese. I lost 20 pounds! Nothing changed until I finally let myself believe that I DESERVE to be thin and healthy and that is at a healthy weight so my goal is 145. You CAN do this and you DESERVE it. Now you just have to believe it.
    2518 days ago
    Maybe it's just the idea of the unknown, if you have never been the weight you're aiming for there are a lot of things that you may feel uncomfortable about. I know of a few people who worried about the attention they would draw to themselves by being slimmer. Why don't you try to visualise what it would be like being the slimmer you and deal with the discomforts before you get there, maybe your unconscious mind would be happier about heading in that direction then. I know you'll work this out but good luck anyway :-)
    2518 days ago
    Tara I have no words of wisdom. I don't know why I am having a much easier time this time, I just know that I am. My coping mechanism for when I have a craving to eat more than my 3 meals is to have a glass of water or some hot tea, to chew sugarless gum, or it I am absolutely not able to say no to myself, I have 100 calories of popcorn. I don't eat snacks and I don't keep food out.
    Have you considered when you have a craving making yourself take a walk first? If you still crave whatever, then you are allowed to eat it?
    I don't know that this is helpful. I hope things get better for you. How about if you drown anything you shouldn't eat in water before you eat it? If it still tempts you then go ahead and eat it. I bet you will throw it out.
    2518 days ago
    Tara Congratulations on losing the 92 pounds! You have come a long way.

    There is a technique I learned in a class many many years ago to use when needing to find input from your creative side. Get an old notebook and write about your question (in this case why are you sabatoging weight loss?) with your unaccostom hand (this means if you are right handed write with your left hand, if you are left hand write with your right hand). Don't try to follow the lines or write neat. Just write down whatever pops into your head. Then later you can analyze it. It takes self honesty and the ability to accept yourself as you are while at the same time accepting that it doesn't have to be permanent. When you know what it is you are fighting then you can heal it, reasure it, help it to become part of what you want.
    2518 days ago
    I agree with these awesome posts. Have you thought of hiding your scale? Maybe only weighing yourself every 2 weeks? Maybe keeping yourself from knowing how much weight you are losing would be good for you- no self-sabotage?

    Seek counseling and find out the core to your issues. Try a new exercise routine. Get out of your comfort zone.

    You have come so far and your body wants to do this. You can do this! You want to do this!
    2518 days ago
    I am going throught this right now! It is really hard to stick with it ALL the time, but the most important thing is to be able to rebound. I am in FULL rebound mode today. You will have days when you just get tired of tracking, working out and all the healthy weight loss stratergies that you should do- trust me I have spent my week like this. But then you just have to snap back- start small if you have too. go back to tracking or working out and build yourself back up. Most of all believe that you can do it and then MAKE it happen emoticon
    2518 days ago
    Change is really hard. For everyone. Sometimes we sabotage ourselves because we are so afraid of the unknown. I used to do it to myself all the time. Once you come to terms with that you will be able to get back on track!
    2518 days ago
    Hi Tara. I agree with Lynn. There's likely some emotional stuff going on that keeps you engaging in unhealthy but "safe" behaviors. Change is big and scary. What about this particular change has you scared? A common one is fear of rejection. Another is fear of disappointment.

    If you don't feel comfortable thinking about those kinds of questions, there are folks who can help you figure it out: an understanding trainer, a weight loss group like weight watchers, a counselor or psychologist.

    If nothing else, keep blogging. Every time you look inside yourself and ask those very good questions, you're making progress. You're not alone.
    2518 days ago
    "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk to blossom..."NAVYMOM133

    Give yourself permission to blossom. It's time.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2518 days ago
    I think you already answered your question and hit the nail on the head.... you are sabotaging yourself. for whatever reason, it is a behavior. And you can always change behavior. When i lost the 170# the first time, I remember a very painful time in there when people started noticing me, and I was noticing positive changes in my body. It scared the crap out of me! I had hid behind my weight all my life. And while I desperately wanted to NOT do that, I didn't know how. I was scared of it. You just need to find out what you are running from or frightened of. You are too smart and wonderful to be the only one standing in your way. What did I do? A lot of self-therapy. When I was giving myself permission to eat junk, I asked WHY. What I seeking a comfort? Was I trying to eat an emotion? What emotion? Was I getting uncomfortable with the changes I was seeing? YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!! Do you have therapy coverage? Or a church pastor you could talk with for cheap? A good friend who will let you talk it out? I think it would be really helpful. Otherwise, I'm here. emoticon

    You can get past this. emoticon
    2518 days ago
    Ok...not an expert by any means, but my old trainer told me once, if you start backsliding, go back to the very beginning. What did you do when you first started?

    For me it was her rule to get a notebook, each page is a new day. Fold the page in half (longways). The left side was to right EVERYTHING down that I ate...even 1 lonely M&M...and the right side was any exercise I did...ALL of it! Even if I walked from building to building (at my job site).

    There is something about seeing it in writing that you created, holding yourself accountable.

    Good luck and congrats on the success you've had so far.
    2518 days ago
    My suggestions would be to revisit your short and long term goals. Look back at how far you've come. Realize that your goals are possible. Understand that you have to eat clean and workout to get to your goals. It might be a good idea to change up your eating and workouts. Get excited about doing this. If it's seen as a chore, then you are going to resist. Ultimately, do the best you can. You aren't perfect. Forgive your mistakes and move on to the next day.

    Best of luck!

    2518 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.